Settling

Lifestyle Relationships
1

for an unworthy rishta due to lack of rishtas . Feeling depressed. How to feel better in this situation any ideas

2

Re: Settling

Don't settle for something you don't want.

3

Re: Settling

What makes you say its unworthy?

4

Re: Settling

You will be more depressed settling in for something you don't want. Why make it complicated?

5

Re: Settling

I love the advice here. Many pakistani women settle. That is the vast majority of marriages. Settling.

6

Re: Settling

There's always a degree of settling or compromising. But then there's that degree where your heart is not into it all and you have to really push yourself to even accept it. I'm not in favor of that.

7

Re: Settling

If you believe in stuff like this then do an Istakara. Allah will give you a nudge in the right direction.

8

Re: Settling

Say no to the rishta....and hey presto! ....you're no longer depressed ;)

Seriously, if this is how you're feeling now, it's not going to get any better after the wedding. Say no and move on while you still can, your time will come, probably when you least expect it.... Good Luck! :)

9

Re: Settling

how is the rishta unworthy?

10

Re: Settling

Some people i spoke to think he is not worthy of me and that what the hell was i thinking .

11

Re: Settling

^It's what you think personally that matters.. not what others think of that person..

12

Re: Settling

personally if i don't find my heart into a rishta at all, i would say no than to start a r/s with a negative state of mind.
but my feelings and decisions are not based on what other people think.
today, few people have told you he is not worthy of you and you are depressed,what if tomorrow another set of people tell you he's a fabulous person?

13

Re: Settling

a middle class honest person with no home to his name but a small apt could be deemed unworthy by someone who is on the lookout for a rich man bathing in gold coins..

in what way are these ppl judging this rishta of yours?

and what do YOU, a mature person of marriagable age, think yourself? what is your scale saying?

14

Re: Settling

Do not let other people affect your feelings about something as important as this. It's one thing to get input from people you trust, but another to change the way you feel about someone based on someone's often careless comment. Remember this always, particularly after marriage.

Is he actually "unworthy" of you? What do YOU think?

If YOU feel he is unworthy of you, please do not marry him. That would really be unfair to him.

15

Re: Settling

Did you approve of this guy before and are now being swayed by your friends' opinions? Or do you feel that you're not being swayed and that you actually feel that your friends' concerns or disapproval is valid? How do you feel about him? How do you feel when you interact with him? Can you see a future with him or no? Again, if your heart is just reaaaaalllly not into this and you truly believe him to be unworthy, don't marry him. The beginning stages of a marriage, I've heard, are delicate and trying....adding contempt to it will only make it more challenging.

16

Re: Settling

It's a tricky thing, wrt what others said. Too many opinions can get confusing... you have to listen to your own instincts and heart. If you really can't see a future with him, and aren't excited....if the main reason to get married is anything other than you REALLY want to spend your life with him?....not worth it.

Honestly, life is too short to live in an unhappy marriage bc of "laug kya kahen ge?"

17

Re: Settling

Mashallah. Please settle and ruin the guys life as well. Please do so.

18

Re: Settling

Their concerns are valid but i feel a strange pull towards this rishta and towards this family.

19

Re: Settling

You said your story is the same as the member, Goinginsane. If that's the case and the guy has reformed his ways for the better, then it would make more sense to consider him. However, if he has not changed...then you need to examine why you feel a strange pull toward him....and weigh the reasons behind the pull against the red flags. Do istikhara. It is not about decoding dreams and signs. If Allah knows that this guy is not good for you, the rishta will not progress..it will come to an end. If it's good for you, it will happen. You pray 2 rakats, recite the dua with sincerity and watch how events unfold.

20

Re: Settling

don't compromise your happiness to settle for someone you don't want....rather be single and happy...