In our culture, men are usually served first, whether at davats or at home.. Also, according to many aunties, the man should never pour his own food, the wife always pours it for him. Now this has been my observation, whether in Pakistan, US or canada.
How is it in your home?
Re: Serving the Husband
my mom used to pour for my dad first and my bhabi is used to do for bhai first .. :)
Re: Serving the Husband
My mum pour for my brother and father. But whenever I got the opportunity, like when mum is not at home I tell my brother to stand up, come in the kitchen and pour for himself because the food is ready.
And he does it. While he is in the kitchen I commonly tells him :"baad mein tumhari bivi khe khaam aaye gha aur woh mujhe duwaon mein yaad rakhe khi". :D
He is still a kiddo leiken batana chaaye :)
At our home we all sit and eat together at one table. Aise nehi ghe mard pehle khaye ghe aur aurthe bahad mein. Never.
And if help is needed in the kitchen, you will find them in the kitchen helping (especially dawto aur eid phar). No one feels less manly by standing in the kitchen (true desi style).
If the spouse just came home from work, then It's understandable that you pour for him because he is tired ect. Leiken buree aathe nehi banane chaaye.
Because I have seen homes where Men (who have been home all day) are just sitting on the sofa and waiting for the food to be served. And after eating the meal they call their wives who are still in the kitchen (haven't eaten anything yet) to come and clean the table for plates ect.
Re: Serving the Husband
Our family doesn't do this (thank God) but I did once go to a house 'back home' where this was done. Apart from us, there were elderly women and young mums with kids who were tired/cranky/fed up and had to wait around till the men have been served - and they took their time without a thought about the poor women who were waiting around. Seriously where is the logic in that?? It's crazy that some ppl think grown men need to be spoiled and pampered to this extent..
In our family we always sat together for meals, mum usually (not always) cooks most of it but dad always helps. In our extended family pretty much all the men help with the cooking as well, it's considered rude and disrespectful not to.. A couple of my uncles are more into cooking than their wives lol. None of the women in our family pour food for their husbands as some sort of general rule, everyone just helps themselves..
Re: Serving the Husband
My mom might sometimes warm my dad's roti for him or warm up the salan if he asks.......but usually my dad does it on his own. My dad will make chai for my mom and he likes to cook on the weekends. And when we hold parties.... he's pretty active in the cooking, getting the dishes set to be served, helping my mom in the kitchen, etc. I've always felt that my mom is fortunate that my dad takes an interest and helps her out (parties especially can be stressful). My mom doesn't feel the "need" to wait or serve my dad first. With my parents, there isn't a strong distinction regarding this particular role.
Re: Serving the Husband
My mom generally waited till everyone took food before she takes it.. I am not that way at all.. Although i try and wait for my hubby to have dinner with me but generally I don't practice the rule that he needs to go first.. Now if the foods needs to be warmed up or cooked I try and do that for him but i don't pour food for him unless I know he is running late so I make him a plate.
Re: Serving the Husband
Why are the men served first during daavats? I’ve always wondered that.
Considering the gentlemanly principle of “ladies first” …I plan to reverse the desi order when I host my own mixed gatherings 
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Lucky men are those who are married to women from back home instead of western born
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'Men', don't u mean big babies? That is what I would call those who feel they need to be fed first and 'looked after' whilst everyone else is waiting around.. as well as lazy and arrogant..
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^LMAO. Erm......okay, Lahori Uncle.
Re: Serving the Husband
It’s desi style. And Desi’s have a tendency to do things op-posit.
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Hindu style, wife treating the husband like some god..
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Lucky men are those who are married to women from back home instead of western born
The Prophet SAWS wasn't western born........but he did chores around the home that society (especially desi society) would view as typically "female" tasks. Somehow, this little of info is either ignored or doesn't receive much attention.
Re: Serving the Husband
It's desi style. And Desi's have a tendency to do things op-posit.
I think it's "more" than just the "tendency" to do things "opposite." There has to be some thought-process or "reasoning" (even if it may be unnecessary or even faulty reasoning) behind why things are done in a certain way.
Re: Serving the Husband
never saw this in my family.. my dad used to serve himself and now so does my husband! My dad even used to wash his plate and encouraged us to do that right after eating.. my husband doesn't like to do dishes so I don't expect him to do it because after all he cooks :D
In dawats and at masjid here, women go first and thats just how I have always seen it happening!
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I think it's "more" than just the "tendency" to do things "opposite." There has to be some thought-process or "reasoning" (even if it may be unnecessary or even faulty reasoning) behind why things are done in a certain way.
My statement is meant to be sarcastically. :)
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My statement is sarcastically meant. :)
Don't worry........I didn't think that you truly believed that men should be served first. :)
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My wife is out there to break all the norms 
…and she is vocal about this in our circle (friends/relatives/etc).
Ager koi aunty waighara keh deen
“Array admioon ko pehley khila deaitey hain”
tu She is like
“KEYUN? Yee loog kia upper sai ayee hain. We all will eat together and if space is the problem, women should eat first. Why WE always eat left over?”
aunty gets so BHAOOOOOOOOOed sometimes all they can come up with is
“acha tum bhee kha loo”
Re: Serving the Husband
My mom cooks, sets the table, tells us foods ready, and we all go in and take what we want ... mom does not pour for anybody ...
If my moms not home, the one that gets hungry first cooks for everybody ... lol ... My younger bro (20) does it quite often because he's hungry all the time, lol ... and he make a MEAN lasagna ... His wife's gonna be one lucky lady! lol ... my dads also a great cook .... none as good as mom, but still good ... hehe :D
Re: Serving the Husband
At dawats, I’ve seen these three scenarios:
If it’s a mixed gathering, isn’t this a non-issue? Don’t men and women take at the same time? I don’t know, because it’s been quite a long time now since I’ve been to one.
Before marriage I used to sometimes take my own food. After marriage, neither my mom or my wife let me (for the most part.)