Dude...just find a family counselor and both go see her. I think she is immature and does not understand responsibilities or responsible behavior.
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
U guys need marriage counseling/therapy
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
yeah i can understand that as well. how about taking somebody that would be unbiased and not go back to your mom and sister, like a cousin or good family friend that knows whats going on?
I have kept our issues hidden from everyone, even my own family.
They know bits about her behaviour with what they see but i always disregard what they say and defend her as I do not want her to lok bad in front of anyone. She is my responsibility and me hers and I do not like people criticising her, me fair enough i do not mind if I get called anything and everything but not my wife and that is why I am on here as nobody knows her.
I shall see.
Thank You
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
Thank You sincerely for your advice everyone.
Could a mod please close this thread?
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
Najeeb, what I gather from your posts is that your wife is an introvert. She likes being with her own family members but that is because with them she is in her comfort zone. With your family, she is still in the “getting to know” phase and it may take months, even years for her to be equally at ease in their company as she is with her own family.
Even what this “bad incident” speaks to is poor self-esteem of your wife. She probably felt threatened and scared that you were ‘abandoning’ her and so in haste decided to leave as well. Please do not involve your siblings or other members of your family as you try to persuade her to come back. She would just feel more bad about herself. And it may further exacerbate her relationship with them. You have to win her over with kindness instead of becoming too confrontational or involving other family members.
I think what your marriage ultimately needs is understanding and affection on your end. As well as lots and lots of patience. You cannot change your wife’s personality overnight because her personality was probably not shaped overnight. I don’t think she is being deliberately rude at all. She probably feels bad about all this herself but is just unable to overcome her fears/anxieties. Some people do feel anxious in the company of people they don’t know very well. Or they may fear judgment (what will MIL/SIL say, think?) of people they fear somewhat. That’s most likely why your wife keeps herself to her room, and not because she inherently resents or dislikes your family. Which is why, if you can, discreetly reassure your sister and mother that your wife is not being impertinent but that you think she avoids their company because she is very shy and doesn’t have an outgoing personality; and request them, to try to be as nice to her as possible instead of, say, your sister not acknowledging her. With time, your wife will hopefully come out of her shell.
(If, however, your wife appears persistently depressed and is sulking* all *the time, then you may very gently suggest to her seeing a psychiatrist. But do that only to make her feel more cheerful and improve her quality of life, and NOT for your sake.)
I think it’s good that you are saving and planning to move soon to a separate house. Yes, your mom’s house is your home but your wife may find it a little stifling, especially if she grew up, as she most likely did, in a nuclear family herself and is not accustomed to joint family systems. Most people do not like having guests all the time, or worse, being a ‘guest’ at someone else’s home because you cannot be totally informal, dress or do things as you like, etc. in someone else’s home. Once you guys move to your own home, and your wife starts feeling a little more “free,” you people can establish your own traditions of Saturday visits/Sunday brunches etc. with other family members that will hopefully strengthen family bonds.
Meanwhile, be supportive and appreciative of your wife. She sounds like a good wife and the fact that she cooks, does other household chores etc. even though when she is under no obligation to do so shows that she is not the proverbial stubborn and ‘evil’ DIL. Please remind her almost every day how much you appreciate and love her. And be generous with compliments. It will do wonders for her self-esteem!
Good luck Najeeb. I wish you all the best. :k:
Re: Seriousness of a Bad Action
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