Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Dont be so apprehensive about the future of your mom ashy, my mom's situation is same as yours, my bro is married and masha Allah things are much better in the house BECAUSE of mutual understanding and cooperation of the both. If one/any of them was evil and stubborn, things would have been veyr otherwise. Bhabi knows how to respect the elders and Mom knows how to retain it. Alhamdolillah.
Mirage, I discussed the worst case scenario. I hope for the best. Of course, my mom will also have a responsibility towards having a good relationship with her DIL and my sister and I will also need to care for my mom and be nice to our SIL so that our SIL do not feel the burden. I wonder why would any DIL be not good to her MIL and other in-laws if they are good to her. If she still is not good to them (a rare case), then there is no explanation for such behaviour. Even if its the other way round (DIL being nice and in-laws being nasty), there is no explanation. So there should be cooperation and understanding from the both side and hopefully the relevant parties don't expect the other party to initiate the attempts for good behaviour. Pehle aap pehle aap k chukkar main sab ka hi nuksaan hota hai.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Ashy, the idea behind the thread is not that MIL should not be considered. Parents should always come first...BUT...you need to keep a balance between wife and mother. If you cannot do that, its best you not marry because it ruins someone else's life. Being a good child doesnt mean you become a bad wife or husband.
One more thing I'd like to point out here is that your mother is not your brother's responsibility only. She is also your mother and you are equally in charge of everything concerning her. She should not be treated as if she is your brother's and his wife's problem because you're going to get married and nothing more is required of you.
Nowhere in Islam does religion distinguish between a son's and a daughter's responsibility towards their parents. Its the same all across the board. Before you implore your SIL to please be a good DIL and take care of your mother...you should remember that you are the child she gave birth to and you owe her your life.
Reha, daughters are helpless sometimes. I would be most happy to care for my mom and will consider it as my responsibility. But I can see daughters who are unable to do so because of the reason that they live far away. Such daughters can send money to their moms but it will be DIL who will need to make sure the MIL is taken care of (if MIL is living with her). Similarly, even if I want to be available to my mom more often, I will be available to my MIL more than I am to my own mom if I will be living with my MIL.
I just feel people in the old age can become unreasonable at times and we younger lot should have more tolerance. Its a give and take and both sides should work for the relationship.
Re: Seriously...this whole supporting the parents business!
Reha, daughters are helpless sometimes. I would be most happy to care for my mom and will consider it as my responsibility. But I can see daughters who are unable to do so because of the reason that they live far away. Such daughters can send money to their moms but it will be DIL who will need to make sure the MIL is taken care of (if MIL is living with her). Similarly, even if I want to be available to my mom more often, I will be available to my MIL more than I am to my own mom if I will be living with my MIL.
I just feel people in the old age can become unreasonable at times and we younger lot should have more tolerance. Its a give and take and both sides should work for the relationship.
What you're saying is true.
My point is simply that women are not relieved of their religious responsibility towards their parents as a result of marriage. You will be held accountable even if you got married, moved to Africa and your SIL turned out to be a saint who did khidmat of your mother her entire life. That still does not relieve you of your responsibility. It gives your SIL a LOT of sawab...it gives your mother sukoon but that has nothing to do with you or your zimmidariyan.
You still have to take care of your parents Ashy...even if you're a woman. Whether you choose to or not is entirely between you and Allah swt.