Serious Question, please only serious answers.

Society Religion & Philosophy
1

I am a child that was raised in a Muslim family and has for various reasons, left the Islamic faith. However, because I am still legally dependant on my parents (I am no longer a minor, however) due to my status as a student.

I do not have anything against the Islamic faith as a way of life, it is just not the way of life for me, which, according to what I have studied of Islam over the last few years, seems to be my decision (freedom of religion). However, is it Islamically appropriate for my parents to cut me off financially, and take back anything that was given to me in childhood, and throw me onto the street? I can’t believe Islam, as a faith that preaches tolerance and emphasizes on family, would allow such a thing. I am in a very precarious situation here, because my parents are taking away the money that was designated for my college education, upon which I am depending. This money has been promised to me through a college prepaid fund set up through the state of Florida.

A religiously educated friend of mine suggested that no, it is not Islamically sound for my parents to act in such a fashion, because regardless of my personal religious beliefs, they are still bound to the laws of Islam, which require that they care for me until marriage. Also, it seems to me that based on the Sunnah of the Prophet, their behavior is not sound because the Prophet’s uncle and foster father never accepted Islam, but the Prophet cared for him until his death.

Basically, what I’m trying to get at here, is that I would like to know what would be the “Islamic” behavior here for my parents. I am trying to deal with a situation that is very very tense and difficult for all parties involved, but I would like it to end positively. I love my family very much and I do not want to be estranged from them; however at the same time, I do not feel it is sound, Islamically or otherwise, for me to have to restrict me behaviors and beliefs in such a fashion that is oppressive to me. I am by no means an Atheist. I am a firm believer in God, but Islam is simply not the route I have taken. Again, I do not have anything against the religion either; obviously, I am sure there is a way to resolve this problem with my parents through Islamic means which will satisfy both them and me.

I am not looking to be saved or for more feeble attempts at preaching Islam to me. As I said, I have no problem with Islam itself. But belief comes from the heart, and if I faked it, I’d be worse than a non-Muslim, I’d be a hypocrite. I am looking for people who are seriously interested in helping me find a good resolution to this conflict.
I would very much appreciate your help on this issue. Thank you. ^_

Poetry is the opening and closing of a door, leaving those who look through to guess about what is seen during a moment. --Carl Sandburg

2

Tough question. I would have suggsted faking it, but... I dont know. Maybe you should just have a serious talk to your parents about it...

3

sad to hear that lady .. I guess u deserve it! time for loan I guess ..

4

well it is a serious problem from where i see it…but i seriously don’t think anybody here will be able to give a very comprehensive answer to it… i would suggest that u go to www.islam.org/qa and there is an icon there for ‘ask a question’ and there are islamic scholars there u give answers to one’s queries..i had once put a question to them and to tell u the truth i got very detailed and comprehensive answer without any biases…wish u good luck

5

Some people you have left this beautiful religion and left the chance of entering paradise so you can have some freedom, do you know what the iskamic punishment is for someone who leave islam and is a muslim it is death their parents have just cut you off, and i fully support ure decision maybe if you had been guided properly you would not have chose the path you did btw ure religiously eductaed friends seems loose !!!! Freedom of religion yes it exists in Islam but once a muslims always a muslim, it exists for non believers under the protection of the state who pay the Jizyah tax, if i was you i would reconsider ure decision to turn away from Islam for a few loosely based frredom in the modern day capitalist society ! and come back to Islam because the firs of Hell are a place none of us want to visit !

....then there will be Khilafah Rashidah on the method of the Prophethood. (Ahmad)

[This message has been edited by F R E S H (edited May 24, 2002).]

6

Astaghfirullah! u left Islam? that’s sad, I feel sorry for u…

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/teary.gif

May Allah guide us all to the truth (Ameen)

ﻪﻠﻟﺍ ﻝﻮﺳ ﺮﻟﺍ ﺪﻤﺤﻣ ﻪﻠﻟﺍ ﻪﻟﺍ ﻻ

7

If you are in US, you can ask for Protection of the state.
Except that for 'Desis' it is not much of a solution!!!
You are living in the right country for that purpose by the way.
State interference in family affairs like what you have in US is unbelievable.

If I were you, I would find a job, marry if possible AND take care of my parents still.
Religion aside, they are still your parents.

8

I’m very sorry that you have made this decision.

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/frown.gif

With regards to your question, I believe the best person you could ask this question is a muslim scholar, perhaps the imam of the masjid your family goes to.

It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces towards East or West; but it is righteousness to believe in Allah and the Last Day, and the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers; to spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer, and practice regular charity, to fulfil the
contracts which ye have made; and to be firm and patient, in pain (or suffering) and adversity, and throughout all periods of panic. Such are the people of truth, the God-fearing. Verse 177 : Surah Al-Baqarah ]

9

I cannot believe this. Your parents are being idiotic. Talk to a counselor at school and find out what recourses you have. I would expect that kind of behavior if your parents were in Balochistan, not Fla. Good luck to you and enjoy free will.

10

[quote]
per ladysenara,

I am in a very precarious situation here, because my parents are taking away the money that was designated for my college education, upon which I am depending. This money has been promised to me through a college prepaid fund set up through the state of Florida.
[/quote]

See a lawyer! The initial consultation is free!

USA is governed by secular laws - not religious.

It appears - your parents are SEVERING their links to you!

The legal ramifications are:
whether they are obligated, in anyways, to support you.

And, to who does the 'pre-paid' fund belongs to you?
You or your parents?

CONSULT a lawyer.

11

You state in your post that you do not want to be estranged from your family. It appears to me that no matter what you do, since you have chosen a path other than Islam, you will be estranged.

The next decision you have to make is whether or not the money is important enough for you. If you feel that you have a right to the education fund, then yes, consult a lawyer and go after it.

Keep in mind that no matter what religion you chose, you will have to live with your conscience in the end.

Will you be happy knowing that you "used" your parent's beliefs (i.e. by insisting that it is Un-Islamic to withhold educational funding) to get what you wanted? Will you be happy knowing that people that did not support your beliefs were "forced" either legally or morally to provide you with money so that you could do what you wanted in life? If yes, then fine. It's your call.

If you ask me, I will support myself and live with pride.

12

Dear Ladysenara,

Sad to know that you left Islam, I don't know the reasons, may be it was ur parents lack of providing you enough education on religion, their own practice or your being influenced by the society.

Anyway, I've seen 'molvis', 'muftis' giving out fatwa that if your child leaves Islam they should CUT all their support/relationship etc. I personally do not agree with that. If they cut all their relationship, I can't imagine them talking/preaching you back into the religion.

Parents are responsible for raising the child to maturity, not until "marriage". "Raise until the marriage" to me is more of a cultural issue, though there are ahadith that suggest that parents marry their children as soon as they reach puberty, but if you don't want to marry and keep continuing your education than I do not think that you are responsibility of parents anymore. If they do, its them being good to you (ehsaan).

May Allah SWT guide us all towards right and help us follow the right

13

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/ok.gif

good points!

May Allah SWT guide us all towards right and help us follow the right

14

However, because I am still legally dependant on my parents (I am no longer a minor, however) due to my status as a student.

So I guess this means you're above 18. You stating that you're dependant on them b/c you're a student is ridiculous. I know A LOT of people who pay for their own college tuition through work/scholarships/loans etc. Of course, it might mean you probably can't go to your "dream college" and might have to pick a cheaper one but still, you CAN go through college and support yourself.

However, is it Islamically appropriate for my parents to cut me off financially, and take back anything that was given to me in childhood, and throw me onto the street?

They're not throwing you onto the street. Are you handicapped in any way? Do you have any physical/mental disabilities that prevents you from getting a job? For 18 years your parents supported you financially...have you ever sat down and just tried to guess how much money they have spent on you all those years? I went to the site for this college plan you mentioned offered by Florida. The fact remains that it is still their money.

I am in a very precarious situation here, because my parents are taking away the money that was designated for my college education, upon which I am depending.

I'm 20 now....a Junior in college in the US. For you to say that you depend 100% on your parents money for college again is ridiculous and sounds childish. There are thousands of scholarships out there for college students....not to mention grants/loans etc. I live with my parents and they have no problem supporting me. BUT I STILL applied for tons of scholarships and have had 1 renewable scholarship ever since I started college which covers about half my tuition.

A religiously educated friend of mine suggested that no, it is not Islamically sound for my parents to act in such a fashion, because regardless of my personal religious beliefs, they are still bound to the laws of Islam, which require that they care for me until marriage.

This has nothing to do with anything else b/c as someone already mentioned, US doesn't follow any religious laws. What you should care about is what US laws are there to help you.

I am trying to deal with a situation that is very very tense and difficult for all parties involved, but I would like it to end positively. I love my family very much and I do not want to be estranged from them;

From what you wrote here, if your parents are willing to take away their financial support for you when it comes to college, it looks like that you're already estranged from them.

however at the same time, I do not feel it is sound, Islamically or otherwise, for me to have to restrict me behaviors and beliefs in such a fashion that is oppressive to me.

Who asked you to restrict your behaviors and beliefs? This is how it looks like...you have left the faith followed by your parents...and as a result, your parents want you to get out there in the real world and take care of yourself. Leaving your religion(the one followed by your family) is a MAJOR decision in a person's life. If you're mature enough to take this huge step, then surely you're mature enough to take care of yourself.

I briefly looked through the official website for the college fund program. It's the parents who pay the money(they're the purchasers). The website even mentions how it can be transferred to another sibling etc. Here's what you need to do(if you haven't already), contact the people at the program and simply ask them whether or not there is anything you can do if your parents decide to withdraw the money. But from what I read on their site, it's the parents who pay the money and thus, have control over the fund since it IS their money. As already mentioned, it doesn't sound like your parents are too interested in following Islam when it comes to this. And in the US, Islamic law won't do you much good anyway.

You have 2 choices:
1) Go talk to a lawyer about this and find out whether or not you have any legal options here. IF you do, then take your parents to court. I guess you can also always sue them in civil court. But keep in mind, if you do take legal steps to FORCE your parents to pay, you will be doing severe damage to what little relationship you have left with them.

2) Or you can act like a mature adult, get a job, apply for every single scholarship you can find...get loans/grants etc., find a college with low tuition, and put yourself through college like thousands of other students do every day.

Good luck.

15

[quote]
Originally posted by Changez_like:
**Dear Ladysenara,
Anyway, I've seen 'molvis', 'muftis' giving out fatwa that if your child leaves Islam they should CUT all their support/relationship etc. I personally do not agree with that. If they cut all their relationship, I can't imagine them talking/preaching you back into the religion.

**
[/quote]

ACTUALLY - the moulvis would be asking that:

"those who leave Islam - kill him/her"
but, you are in the right ball park!

AND,
it is WISE to check out from such an institution that teaches something like the above.

16

You have left the fold of Islam and yet you still seem to expect your parents to abide by those same rules that you have rejected. I think that does come across as being hypocritical. If I was in your situation I would get a loan or perhaps work my way through university. I think the last thing that I would want to do is cause my parent further pain by forcing them to support me financially. If you have rejected Islam then prepare to reject you parents too.

17

get a job!!!american 18 plus kids are out of there parents house by then or in other words they are waiting to turn 18.i don't think they're legally obliged in any way to support you.

18

Congratulation in taking the first step towards freedom. You have to chose what suits your needs. Parents should help you, not because they are muslims, but because they brought you in this world. It appears that you want to still love them regardless of what belief system you chose. If they reject you, it is their problem and not yours.

As has been suggested, there are tons of financial aid programs out there. Getting a part time job while taking fewer courses might be an option.

19

LadySerana-

It seems very interesting that you are using the values that you reject to uphold your parents to support you?

I'm not preaching nor am I judging Serana but this is to illustrate my point.

Do you remember what God told Noah (A.S)about his son?

When Noah's son was washed away with the flood waters, Noah exclaims that his son is his family and the Lord answers back "Nuh, He is not of your family for his conduct was evil. So don't ask Me what you don't know about. I give you good advice so you own't be ignorant"

To me that illustrates that a relationship isn't made just because you are biologically related. I read somewhere that Family ties are not obligatory if someone from your family clearly refuses to do good and follow the correct path.

Lets leave Islaam out of this, since you have left it. Why should Islaam have anything to do with it, when it comes to you, those guidlines do not apply to you, why should they apply to your parents?

20

financially being able to help your child has nothing to do with religion. The parents need to get their act together and help the child succeed by giving whatever help they can. mandating religion or tying it into financial help cheapens the religion.