serious marital issues

Congrats on your sisters Nikkah. I hope it was a lovely occasion for you and your family.

Sounds like your husband doesn’t have coping skills and takes our his frustrations on you, at least when it comes to your family.

Yes, sometimes it is hard for us to see the good in someone. This is not for their benefit but for own sake of sanity that we must peel away or ignore their layers of self conceit, poor manners, unjust & cruel behavior, and other negative. In order to coexist peacefully, we must make a list of their good qualities and focus on them. Then we must make a list of positive qualities that we would like to see in them and direct our energies ( pray, imagine that person exhibiting those qualities) so that those qualities manifest in this person. And change the energy in the home by thinking good things.

An Imam once told me that our thoughts have energy ( similar to Light and sound waves). Good thoughts change the energy of a home. Many scientific studies have shown that agitated people get calmer around calmer people. Focus on your self and things that are in your control.

Since you plan to live with this man, do things to diffuse him. If he yells at you about something that isn’t your fault for example your sister being late for dinner, don’t just ignore him ogre listen tho him and feel bad. Look at him calmly and say “I know honey/, I wish she wasn’t late either, we had such a nice dinner and we would just enjoy a nice evening of peace”, smile at him, pretend you are busy with something and walk away. Obviously if you are in the car, you can’t walk away. Don’t let him get further in spewing out negative words. As much empathy you can muster, try to see it from his perspective and affirm that you understand his point of view and change the conversation out walk out of the room (don’t huff and puff out of the room). Just keep your focus on “What can I do to make him feel understood and diffuse his anger”. If you are calm inside, there is nothing anyone can do on the outside. Continually keep your thoughts on God and ask Him for strength, peace of mind, body, & soul and for wisdom to diffuse these situations". With God all things are possible. With Allah by your side, you are never alone.

Re: serious marital issues

Sounds like emotional abuse to me.

Re: serious marital issues

thanks peony.. your words are very encouraging..
we both try to avoid the fights but it just happens and sometimes without any particular reason..

Not everyday will be perfect but you both are trying to avoid fighting, that’s what counts.

May your patience and love for your kids be the food, water, and sunshine for love to blossom in your home this spring and beyond.

Re: serious marital issues

thanks peony
its been 2 months since the last fight.. do remember me in your prayers

Re: serious marital issues

He's an emotional terrorist. Staying in that kind of a marriage for kids couldn't be more senseless.

Ask the kids that have lived through this and they will themselves tell you they wish their parents separated. He will emotionally terrorize them just the same plus as kids whoever attacks your mama is a vicious bad thing. Do you want them to feel that way about their father every few months when he loses it.

Re: serious marital issues

Looks like things are under control. Stay cool.