hello everyone.. i have been married for 6 years. i live in a joint family with my mil fil and jeth jethani and their 3 kids.. ever since i have been married me and my husband have never gotten along..i know all couples have issues but my husband always takes the fights outside the bedroom.. he calls his mom and brother even if they are sleeping and then they all create a big fuss.. sometimes they even call my parents and say stuff to them..i know me and my husband both are at fault but disputes should be solved inside the room i think..and everytime we have a fight my mil and husband say that go to your mothers we dont want you. my mil even says that tell your mom to get you married to someone else..
i wouldnt say my in laws are zaalim kind of ppl. they are nice most of the time but when ever we have a problem they get out of hand.. we get along fine 2-3 months then again one night it all gets messed up.. im afraid my marriage will end as everyone is fed up of these fights..sometimes i also want to get out of it but i have 2 kids now.. and they need their father too. my husband and his family even threatenes to take kids away from me.. please give me some ideas on how to keep this marriage going.. please.. thanks
but my husband always takes the fights outside the bedroom.. he calls his mom and brother even if they are sleeping and then they all create a big fuss.. sometimes they even call my parents and say stuff to them..i
He's a bully ! and he enjoys creating a fuss and then getting sympathies from his family and he does all this at the cost of his marriage & his wife's respect. This is emotional abuse.
I am sure that you must be aware of the fact that he cares little about this marriage and about you & his kids . It wouldn't make a difference to him if you're & your children leave. I feel sorry for you because I can actually relate to your current situation. He will not change , you will have to change yourself and work on yourself and your life style. Avoid getting into argument with him because no matter who is at fault creating a scene of it in front of one's own parents and spouse's parents is just so very low & cheap . Concentrate on your kids , make them focus of your life , stop expecting kindness from your husband and make your self indifferent and just try to survive each day with patience and hope for a better future for your kids.
I am sorry but considering your husband's behaviour i don't see a happy marriage . It would be a tough compromise for you. Cutting down on fights is the only way out for you and it will also be very good for your children. You cannot imagine how damaging it is for your children to see their parents fight so often with such a big scene.
wait .. let ur children grow .. he himself will c the results soon. You do sabar and leave it to Allah. I saw my parents fight. But the fight was always confined to the bedroom .. and no one outside the room ever had an idea that they are on boycott :p room mai baat bhi nahi hoti thee and bahir they were like all happy and normal.
What ur hubby is doing will create dislike in his children's heart for his own self.
He's a bully ! and he enjoys creating a fuss and then getting sympathies from his family and he does all this at the cost of his marriage & his wife's respect. This is emotional abuse.
I am sure that you must be aware of the fact that he cares little about this marriage and about you & his kids . It wouldn't make a difference to him if you're & your children leave. I feel sorry for you because I can actually relate to your current situation. He will not change , you will have to change yourself and work on yourself and your life style. Avoid getting into argument with him because no matter who is at fault creating a scene of it in front of one's own parents and spouse's parents is just so very low & cheap . Concentrate on your kids , make them focus of your life , stop expecting kindness from your husband and make your self indifferent and just try to survive each day with patience and hope for a better future for your kids.
I am sorry but considering your husband's behaviour i don't see a happy marriage . It would be a tough compromise for you. Cutting down on fights is the only way out for you and it will also be very good for your children. You cannot imagine how damaging it is for your children to see their parents fight so often with such a big scene.
Diamond can relate so I think her advice is best TBH.
Can you talk to your ILs about the fights etc?
What are the triggers behind the arguments? For example, is it a particular issue he doesn't like to discuss, is it a particular tone such as sarcasm, a certain type of remark? Try to avoid it; don't fuel it. And when things are good between you both and he's in a better mood....and when your in-laws and the kids aren't around.....talk to him gently about how you both need to work on resolving conflicts without making a scene....as it disturbs the atmosphere of the home and is not healthy for the kids. Do this at a time when other family members aren't around and word it in a way that makes it sound like a joint effort instead of making it sound like it's only his fault....as that would make him defensive and angry. Try this if you haven't and see how it goes. Do you think your relationship has more criticism than appreciation/praise? If so, then try incorporating more of the latter and maybe it'll reduce his defensiveness. It's sad though....grown man acting like a little girl. It's easy to get defensive about your own kids/parents.....more power to those in-laws who are more fair-minded.
He's a bully ! and he enjoys creating a fuss and then getting sympathies from his family and he does all this at the cost of his marriage & his wife's respect. This is emotional abuse.
I am sure that you must be aware of the fact that he cares little about this marriage and about you & his kids . It wouldn't make a difference to him if you're & your children leave. I feel sorry for you because I can actually relate to your current situation. He will not change , you will have to change yourself and work on yourself and your life style. Avoid getting into argument with him because no matter who is at fault creating a scene of it in front of one's own parents and spouse's parents is just so very low & cheap . Concentrate on your kids , make them focus of your life , stop expecting kindness from your husband and make your self indifferent and just try to survive each day with patience and hope for a better future for your kids.
I am sorry but considering your husband's behaviour i don't see a happy marriage . It would be a tough compromise for you. Cutting down on fights is the only way out for you and it will also be very good for your children. You cannot imagine how damaging it is for your children to see their parents fight so often with such a big scene.
So you and your hubby fights and how about jeth and jethani? Do they fight as well?
Unless your hubby wants to take his family (U n kids) out of this home, there will be no hope.
One word elajh "Compromise" "*Compromise" "Compromise"
*
I don't think he likes you as a wife very much. Men who care for their wives don't allow them to be disrespected or insulted by anyone...much less bring people in the picture who would.
yes of course.. i always think that you clap with two hands..so i know sometimes it is my fault.. but i dont know what trigers these disputes.. we are fine for 2-3 months then bhaam one night again it starts..
yea...ORRRR.... you married a mommy's boy who is still stuck in the womb and doesn't know how to be a real man.
well yeah he is mommy s boy.. he discusses everything with his mom. he just enters the room to sleep... i also avoid talking much with him as i know i 'll say something that will piss him off...
yes of course.. i always think that you clap with two hands..so i know sometimes it is my fault.. but i dont know what trigers these disputes.. we are fine for 2-3 months then bhaam one night again it starts..
So you and your hubby fights and how about jeth and jethani? Do they fight as well?
Unless your hubby wants to take his family (U n kids) out of this home, there will be no hope.
One word elajh "Compromise" "*Compromise" "Compromise"
*
no my jeth jethani are on pretty good terms...they must have their conflicts but they are always solved between them.. my jethani has good relation with her inlaws and my jeth is also respectful of her parents and family.. but my hubby doesnt even like me talking to my parents.. my jethani visits her parents regularly and on other hand i rarely go to my parents as my husband just doesnt like them.. i dont even talk on phone with my mother anymore just to play it safe as so not to irritate him..