serious advice please

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Mom dad and me live with my brother and his wife, the house is my dads but my bhabi makes us feel like we r the guests and is always angry and not patient. Last year my other brother passed away and my bhabi doesnt understand how much it hurts all the time, she snaps at my mom and argues with her about how to take care of my nephews and it makes me sooo angry why my brother doesnt tell her to back of when he knows our parents are hurting.
Us 3 have come to stay with my other bhabi for the summer to be with her for the one year anniversary and i love it here so much, this bhabi is way different and soo cool and we been here only two weeks but my parents are looking so much better m’A and after to long i’m feeling happy again. I want us to stay here with this bhabi but mom and dad say no because she is young and they hope she gets
married again but i know they really want to stay, how can i convince them we should stay? please give me serious advice i’m so worried about going back to the mean bhabi i’m getting hives.

2

Re: serious advice please

That’s really sad :confused: I’m so sorry for your loss :hugz:

Your parents are right, they want her to move on and get remarried one day…which won’t be possible if they’re living with her. Did she have any kids with your brother? You can certainly keep close ties wiht her…but living together isnt’ a wise idea..which your parents understand…

How old are you?

can’t your parents speak to your brother about her behavior?

Maybe this is her way of grieving…or maybe its her way of wanting to live separately…

3

Re: serious advice please

I'm sorry for your loss. It must be so tough, but your parents are right in wanting your Bhabi to move on with her life eventually. I'm not sure what your family situation is, but is it absolutely necessary for you three to live with other brother and Bhabi? Can you guys not get your own place near by?

4

Re: serious advice please

It is really bad to hear your loss. May Allah increase the status of your brother in paradise. I understand your parents situation and the reason of not living with your nice and widowed bhabhi. I believe she is young and possibly settle with other guy. I appreciate the nice gesture of your parents. It looks like your mean bhabhi is not giving respect to you and your parents and your brother is also helpless in front of his wife. Your brother is the only one who can bring peace in your home.

Another solution is to ask your bhai and bhabhi to arrange their housing at other location as it is your father's home and she is not recognizing the given privileges. Before taking this step, you parents should raise their concern on the behavior of your mean bhabhi and if she persists with her attitude then throw them out with one month notice.

Islamically, your married brother has no right to live with you guys. Now, it is either your parents or brother call to resolve this issue.

5

Re: serious advice please

No they didnt have children and i know my parents thinking is good but i know that bhabi wants us to stay and she needs us to because shes so alone and when you hug her you can feel her body is shaking and i know she feels so much better when we are with her.
That brother doesnt listen and my mom already made offer to move out but they said no i think they just keeping us for free babysitting and my mum does all the cooking and cleaning.
I’m gonna be 17 in two weeks

6

Re: serious advice please

Mom already offer this but brother doesnt listen and my parents are to quiet to make fuss

ameen.
Dad says he already lost one son and hes not going to fight with the last one left and we have to make more effort with mean bhabi. Nice bhabi doesnt want to get married again and she already told my parents she is their daughter.

7

serious advice please

I can understand why you want to move in with your bhabi but your parents shouldnt have to move out of a home which is thiers. Get ur parents to be more active so theyre not readily available for babysitting, and u shouldnt feel intimidated by your bhabi its YOUR house aswell,

8

Try and persuade your parents to stay with nice bhabi, for a while longer, simply because shes alone and still hurting. She needs you, as perhaps your parents need her in this times of healing. She says shes not ready to move on straight away, so thats not really an issue.

Your other babhi will most likely cause more distress in this sensitive time, so its best to stay away until your parents are ready.

9

Re: serious advice please

couple of things

  • On the face of it, its seems like Bhabi is main culprit but its actually your brother's fault who is seeing it and still not taking any step. Your parents need to talk to him about the situation and how they feel. Sometimes, a little talk is all you need to make guys realize somethings. If things still go on like they are even after talk, best solution would be for your parents to ask your bother to move out. Moving out should not be considered as "losing him". Sometimes, moving out actually betters the relationships.

  • For other bhabi, your parents should also talk to her about her plans and force her to move on and settle in life (read: remarry). While living with her would be a temp solution for both parties, best thing for her life would be to remarry and move on. (Where are her parents etc in this whole story??). "Being the daughter" of your parents is nice and all but at some point in life, everyone need a life partner.

10

Re: serious advice please

I think it's really sad that everyone in a family is so afraid of bahu/bhabi......yes I know when a woman moves in after marriage it's her home and family as well...but not to this extent that you disrespect everyone and treat them rudely and they're the ones walking on eggshells around her. That's...crazy.

11

Re: serious advice please

Your parents should ask their son to move out. Invite the nice bhabhi to move in for a while. She will have 2 sets of parents. Maybe they can also actively participate in her rishtha process if and when she is ready.

Keep it simple.

12

Re: serious advice please

oh boy.....ask the only remaining son to move out? their burhapay ka sahara?
you know Iconoclast is going to show up here soon and put us all in our places......

13

Re: serious advice please

why?

14

Re: serious advice please

He is not burhapay ka sahara, he is burhapay ka headache !

15

Re: serious advice please

So now every bad thing that happens in any girls life is bcoz of me :smack:

BTW, i have a person in our ‘pind’ who divorced his wife. He expelled his son from the house and now lives with his DIL and grand children. He told his son, since you have become a na-mehram to her after divorcing her and i want to keep mom of my grandkids with them and my grand kids with me, so you have to leave the house.

16

Re: serious advice please

nahin bhai…it was a light-hearted comment.

17

Re: serious advice please

Oh wow… that’s… good? bad? interesting?

18

Re: serious advice please

And i was thinking of changing my signature to “beti key ghar sey pani nahin petey, pepsi petey hain”:bummer:

19

Re: serious advice please

If it's your own father's house I don't see why you guys should move out? That's just ludicrous, if you guys are being treated badly in *your own house * I think it's time for big brother to find a place of his own, or cough up rent (if he doesn't).

20

Re: serious advice please

I completely understand the underlying sentiment in the opinions that you have expressed. Heck, if it weren’t for my respect for some of our cultural/traditional ways I wouldn’t have earned my “aunty” title, which btw, I’m quite proud of.

I just think that some of those traditions and mindsets need to be updated with the progress that society has made since then…

It’s all good.