Hypothetically speaking your mum comes to you and tells you that Person A’s (cousin) mum has come to her and asked for your sister’s hand in marriage. She wants your opinion. You know Person A is not of good character, he has had a lot of girlfriends in the past, got in to weird habits, spread around R rated text messages (some of which he sent you too), and other things. You generally speaking, don’t like Person A. Suddenly you have to think of him as a prospective BIL.
Person A is also not educated. Just Matric pass and runs his father’s restaurant. Your sister is university educated from abroad.
What would you do/tell your mum? What would be your thoughts on this?
I would tell her that I don't like the person. Would go in as much detail as I'd be comfortable sharing. I might bank on the fact that he has little education in comparison.
I would tell my mom everything I know..... wouldn't want to ruin my sister's life.
Also will tell mom to diplomatically reject the rishta and not disclose what you've told her to anyone.
Hypothetically speaking the sister is a younger sister and she is not that interested in family matters and cousins. Nerd who pays more attention to studies. She has no idea about what kind of a person A is. Also, the two sisters are not that close.
(hypothetically) If you know all this about your cousin, wouldn't your sister also know, or are the two sisters not that close to each other?
Aisha, if there's such a HUGE difference between this guy and your sister....and the two families.....then WHY....is your mom even considering the rishta?
I know she hasn't said yes, but if there are strong objections to the guy and his family......then I'd imagine that your mom would politely have given Aunti (wayward cousin's mum) the hint that she's not interested. End of story, baat khatam. But the fact that she's asking you about your opinion......almost makes it seem like she's considering this possibility.
If you're afraid that telling your mom about all the stupid things your cousin has done.....will create more problems.........then just tell her that you don't think your sister and him would be compatible and that they're so different in the way they think and their personalities. But the person it affects most is your sister......and if she too....feels that he's not compatible....then she should tell your mom....and hopefully this matter will come to an end....without going into further details about why he isn't compatible.
Hypothetically speaking the sister is a younger sister and she is not that interested in family matters and cousins. Nerd who pays more attention to studies. She has no idea about what kind of a person A is. Also, the two sisters are not that close.
Protect the sister at all costs then. Marrying someone like that could potentially devastate her.
Just tell your mom that you don't like him....that you think they're not compatible. Give examples of ways you think they would clash with one another....the potential problems you think would result from such a union. If your mom presses for details.......just say something vague like he doesn't have the greatest reputation. As I said earlier, hopefully this will blow over without divulging details about him.
You sister may not know him well, but since YOU do have a better awareness of his character....then it's your responsibility to help your sister out even if the two of you aren't close. This could, as PS said above, hurt your sister and her future if it goes through.
Hypothetically speaking your mum comes to you and tells you that Person A's (cousin) mum has come to her and asked for your sister's hand in marriage. She wants your opinion. You know Person A is not of good character, he has had a lot of girlfriends in the past, got in to weird habits, spread around R rated text messages (some of which he sent you too), and other things. You generally speaking, don't like Person A. Suddenly you have to think of him as a prospective BIL.
Person A is also not educated. Just Matric pass and runs his father's restaurant. Your sister is university educated from abroad.
What would you do/tell your mum? What would be your thoughts on this?
What would I tell my mum ?
I will tell her exactly what I know about this person A. I will share with her A-Z of the details I know about him. The mother has asked for opinion that means she is open to your thoughts so share with her.
What would my thoughts be ?
She is my sister and I should do whatever is possible to save her from person A. Person A does not sound like a very nice guy to me.
lol. well I will ask my mother that what good things does she like about this rishta?
and since she came to me for the suggestion I will tell her everything about the guy i know about. but I will also ask her to talk about this to sister, may be she is interested in him.
It is always wise to involve the prospective bride to know about the rishtas and after consulting their opinion then forward YES or NO, because sometimes girls are interested but not their parents. and girl took it on heart. so its better to consult the girl. may be she will be more direct and tell about the guy she really is interested in.
Well since the cat's outta da bag, i'll stop pretending and saying hypothetically speaking. My mum is confused because it is her elder sister's son. My eldest khala is putting pressure on mum. My mum just had a major surgery and the day she came to visit mum at home to see how she's doing after the surgery, she asked for my sister's hand in marriage. I know A is not a good person and it is a total mismatch. I am just a bit shy and uncomfortable about how I am going to tell my mum when she questions me about A and why I don't like him. That's why opened this thread. Double minded about how to bring up my dislike regarding the person.
Aisha, if there's such a HUGE difference between this guy and your sister....and the two families.....then WHY....is your mom even considering the rishta?
I know she hasn't said yes, but if there are strong objections to the guy and his family......then I'd imagine that your mom would politely have given Aunti (wayward cousin's mum) the hint that she's not interested. End of story, baat khatam. But the fact that she's asking you about your opinion......almost makes it seem like she's considering this possibility.
If you're afraid that telling your mom about all the stupid things your cousin has done.....will create more problems.........then just tell her that you don't think your sister and him would be compatible and that they're so different in the way they think and their personalities. But the person it affects most is your sister......and if she too....feels that he's not compatible....then she should tell your mom....and hopefully this matter will come to an end....without going into further details about why he isn't compatible.
I would say don't hide anything from your mom, but do ask her not to say all that as an excuse to her sister, maybe say something like abhi hum nahin karna chahtay, or make some other excuse.... taal matol karein. But definitely do not hide anything from your mom, its a matter about your sister's life and what if your mom gives in to the pressure.
Well since the cat's outta da bag, i'll stop pretending and saying hypothetically speaking. My mum is confused because it is her elder sister's son. **My eldest khala is putting pressure on mum. **My mum just had a major surgery and the day she came to visit mum at home to see how she's doing after the surgery, she asked for my sister's hand in marriage. I know A is not a good person and it is a total mismatch. I am just a bit shy and uncomfortable about how I am going to tell my mum when she questions me about A and why I don't like him. That's why opened this thread. Double minded about how to bring up my dislike regarding the person.
Reminds me of something a cousin told me about years ago, "Be wary of a rishta in which you're being pressured to hurry things." Why is your khala "pressuring" your mom? To me, that doesn't send out a positive vibe. It makes me think desperation....and desperation makes me wonder what the cause behind it? Plus, your mom just had her surgery and she's recuperating at home...........that's like the WORST time for your khala to ask for a rishta. Again, it makes me think why the rush? Does she have something to hide? I find it tactless...let the person fully recover at least...before bringing up sensitive topics like rishtay.
Talk to your mom and tell her what you think of him. I'm wondering if disclosing information that you know of your cousin....would cause drama in the family. Example: What if your mom tells your khala all the negative things she has learned about her son? That can create quite the stir...and hurt relationships. Tell your mom that you find him incompatible for your sister........if she pushes for details........let her know what you know.............and tell her that it's best if she doesn't tell Khala all these things as it may offend her. That way your mom can find a tactful way of refusing the rishta.
Yeh I think telling mum everything would be best. I should go with what you people are suggesting, however i'll tell her to not disclose all the details to her elder sister. RV my khala is saying that mum agreed that she would marry one of her daughters in to their family so this is why it's time to keep her word. It's not my mum's fault that khala doesn't know what a jackass of a son she has, no offence. I already told mum, over my dead body.
I also thought her bringing up a rishta at a time when my mum's so emotionally vulnerable was stupid and despicable. She deliberately did it and also she taunted my mum too by saying few things. Mum was kind of hurt and this is why I think she is re-thinking him/it(rishta).