Yeh I think telling mum everything would be best. I should go with what you people are suggesting, however i'll tell her to not disclose all the details to her elder sister. RV my khala is saying that mum agreed that she would marry one of her daughters in to their family so this is why it's time to keep her word. It's not my mum's fault that khala doesn't know what a jackass of a son she has, no offence. I already told mum, over my dead body.
I also thought her bringing up a rishta at a time when my mum's so emotionally vulnerable was stupid and despicable. She deliberately did it and also she taunted my mum too by saying few things. Mum was kind of hurt and this is why I think she is re-thinking him/it(rishta).
Tell your mom everything then. She has the right to know...this is about her daughter's future. Why put your sister and mom through potential heartache in the future.......why put your parents through the the stress of preparing for a wedding...that just may not be in your sister's best interest.
It IS wrong of your khala to bring this issue up with your mom...when your mom wasn't fully recovered. It doesn't matter that Khala is the "oldest" sister here..........you'd think that the elders would be more conscious of tact and social ettiquette. And then on top of it.......to "taunt" your mom and leave her feeling hurt...when she's not feeling well in the first place..is messed up. That's no way to go about the rishta.
The whole affair (inappropriate timing....taunting...pressuring)....makes me suspicious. Your mom needs to know......otherwise she may agree out of obligation. It won't be fair to her or your sister. Let your mom know what you know about your cousin............and then tell her to go reject the rishta TACTFULLY to the best of her ability. Because if she tells your Khala that her son has bad character this n that....it can really hurt relationships.
It is suspicious. Plus I have heard from other cousins that A's bhabhi has already blurted out to people that N (my sister) will be her devrani. She also told my other sister H to tell N that if parents don't agree then she should just be stubborn, maa baap hain kabhi na kabhi tou maney ge. It's all so messed up. My mum is not aware of any of khala's or khala's bahu's plans. This is one of the reasons why I don't want my sister to marry A. To save her from a messed up family and cunniving devrani.
It is suspicious. Plus I have heard from other cousins that A's bhabhi has already blurted out to people that N (my sister) will be her devrani.** She also told my other sister H to tell N that if parents don't agree then she should just be stubborn, maa baap hain kabhi na kabhi tou maney ge.** It's all so messed up. My mum is not aware of any of khala's or khala's bahu's plans. This is one of the reasons why I don't want my sister to marry A. To save her from a messed up family and cunniving devrani.
Wait a minute..........why would the devrani tell one of your sisters to tell N (the sister in question) to rebel against your parents to marry the cousin? That is ODD. That seems to almost imply that your sister N might have an interest in your cousin. Otherwise, Aisha, why else would someone take a stand against their own parents? Know what I mean? If you're not interested in a rishta....you won't give a damn if your parents refused.
So why is this woman giving advice as if N (your sister) would care enough about your cousin to go against your parents?
That is what is freaking me out. I casually asked N's opinion about A, (haven't told her about the rishta yet) and she was like he's okay, he's like an elder brother. I got the impression that she does NOT like him at all. She thinks of him as a bhai! The bhabhi is weird. She is feeding stuff to my sister to say to my other sister. She's obsessed with making my sister her devrani. A told bhabhi he likes my sister and now they are both after her. It was bhabhi pressurising khala and it was bhabhi's idea to bring the rishta to mum's attention while she had just come out of surgery.
whatever you wrote here .. just tell all those things to your mum .. :| .. big deal?
I believe that if a mum is asking her daughters opinion then she really believes in her .. and both of them are close to each other ... so tell al that would not be an issue .. .. would it be .. ?? i dun think so!
^Bhabi's not very bright......and your Khala is none the wiser for following Bhabi's ill advice and not using her own head about what is considered proper social etiquette.
Just tell your mom everything you know. Your khala might be offended by the rejection (no matter how tactfully it's done)....and try to make your mom feel guilty......but hopefully your mom won't give in. Talk to your mom to see if maybe your sister should know about this as well. What if the bhabi and cousin try to get in touch with N (your sister) and try to brainwash or influence her?
I would tell her that I don't like the person. Would go in as much detail as I'd be comfortable sharing. I might bank on the fact that he has little education in comparison.
i'm with you, i wouldn't want such a guy as my BIL and if i love my sister(if i had one) i wouldn't want her to suffer through being with a jerk,
i wouldn't think of the 10% chance that he might miraculously change all of a sudden
PARDON ME? I did not even get one word of what you are trying to say there!
whatever you wrote here .. just tell all those things to your mum .. :| .. big deal?
I believe that if a mum is asking her daughters opinion then she really believes in her .. and both of them are close to each other ... so tell al that would not be an issue .. .. would it be .. ?? i dun think so!
I am worried about the brainwashing and influencing too. I have heard other things from my other cousins too about bhabhi's plans. She wants jahez and she wants my sister to work after marriage and she wants N to help A settle in Dubai after marriage. Get a job and stuff for him. I am very offended by some of the things that I have heard. It makes me hate A even more. The whole family is cuckoo and I avoid them at all costs at family gatherings etc. The obvious anger being them doing what they are doing and asking for my sister's hand in marriage. I will tell my mum everything tomorrow morning when she wakes up.
^Bhabi's not very bright......and your Khala is none the wiser for following Bhabi's ill advice and not using her own head about what is considered proper social etiquette.
Just tell your mom everything you know. Your khala might be offended by the rejection (no matter how tactfully it's done)....and try to make your mom feel guilty......but hopefully your mom won't give in. Talk to your mom to see if maybe your sister should know about this as well. What if the bhabi and cousin try to get in touch with N (your sister) and try to brainwash or influence her?
Aisha, complaining about him and his family is not going to resolve anything other than give you an outlet for venting...so you can get things out of your system. You'll have to take some action if you want to help your family get out of this mess.
I suggest that when your mom feels better/stronger......talk to her. You say that your mom is already a bit hurt/offended by khala's behavior (taunting, etc) and that she's reconsidering the rishta in spite of promising one of her daughters to Khala.......so that's a good thing. At least your mom is not feeling a 100% up to this idea. Tell your mom that until she gets better.....she shouldn't make any promises to Khala and that we need to think this issue over.
I know but I have been really upset and depressed over this issue from the past few days and finally decided to make a thread on it. I couldn't take it any longer. It's a real hot mess. Say no, relationships with them hurt, ties are broken, say yes and more problems. Have to find some middle ground to get out of it. I think it would be best to say that my sister still has half an year to graduate, we are not ready yet. In the mean time find someone else and then tell them that sorry, yeh rishta nahi hosakta.
In situations like this, you decide what's worse: To bear the grudge/attitude of relatives who life far away from you and who can't even propose decently or honestly..............OR..............to potentially destroy your sister's life just to make other people (who can't manage basic respect) happy?
1) Your cousin WILL find another girl.
2) Your Khala, as the older sister, SHOULD not force a marriage. That would make a her both an insensitive sister and khala to your sister.
3) A marriage...whenever it takes place....should be a happy occasion...not a miserable one. Why rob your sister of this happiness?
It's an icky situation...but you pick the path that is logical/fair/ethical, etc. I think you know what needs to be done. I wish you the best. :)