I don't think its fair to shun people for putting their parents into a nursing home. You think of people who are old as people who can talk and know what they want can eat the food that you eat etc right? But a lot of people who get old usually get Alzheimer's, cancers and other illness's that family members aren't qualified to take care of.
I believe that if you love the person you would want them to have the best care they deserve. Do you understand how much mental torture you would go through if one of your parents had Alzheimer's? they slowly forget who you are and the person who you love can't even recognize you!
Does putting them in a nursing home mean that you'll never see them again? No, it means that you know that they will be cared for properly and that you can visit them anytime you want.
I wouldn't want to live with my family if I'm old and they still have children living in their house. It would be impossible to take full care of me and I would rather be in an environment where there won't be much noise or stress.
thats just my opinion though..
Although, I am old school and would never even think of sending my parents off. But you brought up a very good point. Yes we hope our parents are healthy in old age but reality is not always like that. I work with elderly patients everyday; patients who are paralyzed, incontinent or worst suffering from Alzheimer. In those cases I cant even imagine what it is like for families to take care of them without any assistance. Its not only about the family but also the elderly patient that needs professional care. On the other hand, yes we have caretakers and such you can hire to care for them at home ; however, families do need some sort of assistance. Its a sad reality.
Although, I am old school and would never even think of sending my parents off. But you brought up a very good point. Yes we hope our parents are healthy in old age but reality is not always like that. I work with elderly patients everyday; patients who are paralyzed, incontinent or worst suffering from Alzheimer. In those cases I cant even imagine what it is like for families to take care of them without any assistance. Its not only about the family but also the elderly patient that needs professional care. On the other hand, yes we have caretakers and such you can hire to care for them at home ; however, families do need some sort of assistance. Its a sad reality.
Requiring assistance and sending them off to a long term care home or retirement home are two very different things. I absolutely agree that we are not equipped with the knowledge to care for elderly who are frail and may have many chronic conditions. I would forgo my own luxuries and keep my parents home with hired help if needed BUT I will not put them in a LTC home. I have been to these places and honestly they are very sad places. I was at an alzheimer unit of a LTC home where an lady came up to me and started talking to me - I didn't understand what she was saying because it wasn't English but I could tell all she wanted to do was talk and feel wanted. Wouldn't you want your loved ones around you and feel loved and cared for when you are sick and perhaps dying?
So if the wife's parents have no sons, would both sets of parents live with the couple in the same house? Just wondering if anyone has seen this kind of setup. It would get awfully crowded.
Although, I am old school and would never even think of sending my parents off. But you brought up a very good point. Yes we hope our parents are healthy in old age but reality is not always like that. I work with elderly patients everyday; patients who are paralyzed, incontinent or worst suffering from Alzheimer. In those cases I cant even imagine what it is like for families to take care of them without any assistance. Its not only about the family but also the elderly patient that needs professional care. On the other hand, yes we have caretakers and such you can hire to care for them at home ; however, families do need some sort of assistance. Its a sad reality.
I'm really conflicted. On the one hand, I owe that much to my parents to take care of them when they're old and sick. At the same time, working in a hospital, it's easy to see why some people opt for nursing homes. Some illness are just TOO much for a person to handle 24/7 and I'd rather that my parents get the best care all the time, something that I might not be able to provide given demands of life (job, family) no matter how hard I try. Dumping them off because you don't want to care for them, that's a different thing entirely
Or a Son-In-Law. What of those families where there are no sons and the SIL refuses to have his wife's parents live with them. And I have seen just such a family....
that too....... i was talking about majority of the cases in desi community..........
If a guy cannot balance his parents and wife...he is stupid and shouldn't be married.
People make unreasonable demands all the time in almost any relationship. Does that mean we give in? Does that mean we kick our wives or parents to the curb? No.
It means you grow a pair and realize BOTH parties have their place and neither should trespass on the other's rights.
obvioiulsy the guy is to blame..................... but kicking out parents happens only when his life is made hell.............. and he is forced to choose.............
if somoene is unlucky enough to have been married to a woman like that................ its not only about his lack of balls...........
what about people who want to live in a separate house from their parents? when parents get old and are living alone, is it any better than being in an old people's home?
In my opinion parents should/can live independently as long as they can but when they need assistance their children and family should be there to provide it.
I don't think its fair to shun people for putting their parents into a nursing home. You think of people who are old as people who can talk and know what they want can eat the food that you eat etc right? But a lot of people who get old usually get Alzheimer's, cancers and other illness's that family members aren't qualified to take care of.
I believe that if you love the person you would want them to have the best care they deserve. Do you understand how much mental torture you would go through if one of your parents had Alzheimer's? they slowly forget who you are and the person who you love can't even recognize you!
Does putting them in a nursing home mean that you'll never see them again? No, it means that you know that they will be cared for properly and that you can visit them anytime you want.
I wouldn't want to live with my family if I'm old and they still have children living in their house. It would be impossible to take full care of me and I would rather be in an environment where there won't be much noise or stress.
thats just my opinion though..
I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree. Both my parents died of cancer, and my siblings and I did not put them in a home, instead we devoted each and every second of our lives to their care. I learned how to administer injections, monitor blood pressure..I changed their diapers and bathed them every day. And all that will NEVER repay them for all they did for me.
My Nani is now in the early stages of Alzheimer's and she still lives with my mamoo, and we ALL take turns staying with her and caring for her because she cannot be left alone.
MAsHallah my parents are still pretty healthy and independent, however if it ever came to the point of sending them to a home, I’d never do that, I’d be too ashamed and they’d be extremely hurt. Your parents are your Jannah, you must serve them the best you can.
I’m not judging others, just in my case I know how much my parents sacrificed by leaving Pakistan so their kids could have a better future, the least I could do would be to take care of them .
I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree. Both my parents died of cancer, and my siblings and I did not put them in a home, instead we devoted each and every second of our lives to their care. I learned how to administer injections, monitor blood pressure..I changed their diapers and bathed them every day. And all that will NEVER repay them for all they did for me.
My Nani is now in the early stages of Alzheimer's and she still lives with my mamoo, and we ALL take turns staying with her and caring for her because she cannot be left alone.
So no, it's not impossible.
That's exactly what we all should be doing. Yes, it will be hard but if everyone does their part - it can be done and should be done.
in this same world ppl sacrifice their lives for nations,their ppl,their community,humanity,justice and we applaud such sacrifices but in our own life we can not sacrifice our peace of mind and our few hours to take care of our parents.....
those who r using gs and posting pic wt they wore today,wt they ate or involved in discussion about world affairs cant give few hrs for their parents.i m not against any gender.....both r equally responsible but sometimes i see women taking care of their much more better wt us men can do.......
no offence to anyone
I have never heard these things out of any living person around me. This sounds like something right out of the movie Baghban…in which case…its a whole lotta Bollywood for you diwana sahab.
Koi is tarah ki batein nahin karta.
It is. If a man wants to buck up, he can. They’re HIS parents. Just like mine are MINE. I would never marry anyone who I felt couldn’t be there for me or mine if and when I needed them. If I don’t care for them, who will? If he doesn’t understand his responsibilities…why is he married?
The thing is…its not necessary to be unjust to one to be just to another. I despise this thinking that in order to be good to my wife, I have to be unfair to my mother or vice versa. Why? Who says?
Living away from home if parents are capable and independent isn’t wrong.
Actually, I think its good for them to be independent as long as possible. I want my parents to do anything and everything they wish on their own. If they need me…I am there. There’s nothing wrong with that.
So if the wife's parents have no sons, would both sets of parents live with the couple in the same house? Just wondering if anyone has seen this kind of setup.** It would get awfully crowded**.
I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree. Both my parents died of cancer, and my siblings and I did not put them in a home, instead we devoted each and every second of our lives to their care. I learned how to administer injections, monitor blood pressure..I changed their diapers and bathed them every day. And all that will NEVER repay them for all they did for me.
My Nani is now in the early stages of Alzheimer's and she still lives with my mamoo, and we ALL take turns staying with her and caring for her because she cannot be left alone.
So no, it's not impossible.
Your siblings and you are truly special. God Bless! This is an inspiration.
