Sending your parents to a care home

[khattichic]

Re: Sending your parents to a care home

@canadiandesigirl

Requiring assistance and sending them off to a long term care home or retirement home are two very different things. I absolutely agree that we are not equipped with the knowledge to care for elderly who are frail and may have many chronic conditions. I would forgo my own luxuries and keep my parents home with hired help if needed BUT I will not put them in a LTC home. I have been to these places and honestly they are very sad places. I was at an alzheimer unit of a LTC home where an lady came up to me and started talking to me - I didn’t understand what she was saying because it wasn’t English but I could tell all she wanted to do was talk and feel wanted. Wouldn’t you want your loved ones around you and feel loved and cared for when you are sick and perhaps dying?

Well said…in my papa’s case, he had taken early retirement from his job here in the states and moved back to khi…4 months later he was diagnosed with end stage lung cancer. My immediate knee jerk reaction was to demand that he move back to the US to live with me..my sister in dubai reasoned with me..papa did not sign up for his Medicare benefits before he left US…it would be virtually impossible for me to handle his care alone considering at the time I had a 4yr old and 2 yr old twins…so we decided to let him stay in Khi at my chacha’s house for his treatment, where we could afford to hire a male nurse to stay with him 24/7 to help with his care…BUT…each one of us three sisters was with him at all times…we all took turns going to karachi to care for papa so that we could ensure that at least one of us was with him at all times…ab humari qismat ki baat hai kai almost immediately, ammi was diagnosed with end stage uteran cancer back here in the US…when it was clear that their was nothing else that could be done for her, we decided to bring her home and use hospice care. We had a fulltime nurse at home (they worked in shifts) and the hospice doctor came to check 3 times a week. At first they told us we shouldn’t expect her to last more than 2-3 days…My ammi stayed alive for 16 days…and each of those days was painfully agonizing. We literally watched her die. Same with my father. The last time I was with him, the cancer had spread so much it was cutting off the oxygen supply to his brain and dimentia was setting in. He could not recognize pictures of my children. He tried to eat a hairbrush. He dropped his shalwar in the middle of Aga Khan Hospital. But you know what..I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m not trying to come off as some sort of saint or goody two shoes, believe me, I know how difficult it is to see/care for the elderly in those situations. I lived it. It’s a decision that not everyone can make, however, I just hope everyone reading this will learn from me that no matter how hard, inconvenient, difficult it will be, It is also THE most humbling and rewarding experience, to be able to care for the parents who brought you into this world. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought that I would be watching my parents take their last breaths. Allah SWT unko jannat naseeb karay.