it is about my cousin who is getting marry very soon , it is love marraige and her parents are angry with her , her father didnt talk to her at all and have said ke shade ke baad unn ka uss se koi taulaq nahi rahay gaa , wo yahi samjay ke her parentes are no more for her .my cousin have been fighting with her parents from last few years , the guy she is gonna marry is from a nice family and they have accepted her as daughter in law so there is no problem from in laws ..wo log khushi khushi shade ki tayari kar rahay haiN ,but for some reason my uncle and aunt aint happy …my cousin is known as most selfish person in family , she just dont care abt anyone at all not even of her mom and dad , they cry almost every day and she thinks it is all darama :o i dont know what to say and how to react …but sometimes i wonder that isnt it hard to see when parentes cry ? well i cant see my amie crying and i am sure if i was at her place thu meiN shayed apnay maabaap ke liyee itni se qurabani asani se day date ..i know she loves the guy very much but assa kassay hoo jataa hai ke eik shakas jiss ko aap chaand maa se yaa saloon se jantay hooN , uss ke liyee aap itnay logoN ko dukhi kareN ,aur kya wo ik shakas unn maabaap se zeeada payara ho jata hai jinnoN ne aap ko palaa poosa bara kia har khawaish poori kee hoo , she was very very dear to her parents and i remember very well ke uss ka bachpan parioN ki tarah guzara tha , bhuhut ladly the wo so i wonder ke kia aab wo itnay logoN ko hurt kar ke kya wo khush raah payee gee ? and the question is ke kia wo waqiee selfish hai jo sirf apni khushi ke liye kisi ki parwa nahi kar rahi ?
Mehroo do you not see how unreasonable the parents are being? Don't they want their daughter to marry someone with whom she can lead a happy life? What are their reasons for opposing the wedding? She has a right to marry the guy she loves. Even religion gives you that right. So what's their beef? Why should she ruin her life and marry a person she doesn't love just to please other people? You think she is being selfish what about the parents? Don't you think they are being selfish too?
Its her right to select her husband. After all she has to spend her life with him and not her parents. I am sorry to say that her parents are the ones who are acting selfish. I know of a case back in pakistan, where the parents did not wanted their daughters to get married out of very unvalid reasons, so the youngest revolted and left her parents to marry a guy she loved (she ran away with him). You can image the scandle that was created, the girl was told to have a bad character, where as her only crime was to get married, as her parents were to stubborn and would rather let their daughters get old then to marry them of to respectful guys, as no one was good enough for their daughters. When this news reached us, we said that the girl did the only thing that she could have done, it is her parents fault and not the girl (as the boy even sent a rishta for her). Well this was just a real story ... sometimes i don't know why parents and kids act like total strangers, why can't they sit and discuss such matters before creating fuss and a mess !
I know it is her right to select her husband and parents are wrong somewhere too but i think that If they are ziddi thu kiaa uss ko nahi chahe ke wohi apni zeed choor day ? i mean some1 have to give up na , ? thats sad but infact that s what our culture teach us that we should respect parents no matter they are wrong ... the second thing which is very very sad that she played a LOT with her parents and coz of that they are angry at her ...oh well i cant really exsplain every thing rightnow but i think something is going to be wrong here in this case , I dont know what ....I stil wish her good luck and m afraid for her future coz i Belive on duas ...jab eik larki itni badduaeeN lay ke aglay gaar jaa rahi hai thu what will happen to her , i am just worry and afraid .
mehroo, until you tell me what rational the parents are using for their stance, I am afraid I can't add to the discussion.
In this case I think both are ziddi, the girl and her parents. If I was in the position of the girl I can say that I would have tried my best to explain to my parents that I want to marry this particular person, if they still dont want me to then I can say that I would not have married without their content, well thats just me as my parents are important to me than my own happiness. If I was in the position of the parents of the girl 1.) I have to have a valid reason of rejecting the guy. 2) IF my daugther still insists then I know that even if I am not not happy with the marriage I would still go ahead and give my content, as why give badduaeeN, hope for the best and be there when she needs me. After all she is grown up and make her own decisions and take care of herself.
In case of your cousin, I think the parents have spoilt her a bit, I still dont understand why they are against this marriage, what is their reasons, arent desi parents happy if their daughters / sons are getting married into good people ?
mehroo baji… 
shayad jab insaan us situation mein hota hae hae toh us ko halaat mukhtalif nazar aatay haen…aur is larki ka mujhay naheen pata is k dil mein kya hae..Allah hi behtar janta hae ke woh kya soch rahi hae…
mein ne bohot achee achee lerkiaan deki haen jo is maamlae mein aisa kerti haen…pata naheen kyun…halanake ye ab tak ye baat meri samajh se bahar rahi hae k apnay maan baap ko aap itna dukh kaisay pohncha saktay haen…inshallah i hope i never…mere khayal se larka agar aisa karay toh phir bhee socha ja sakta hae lekin larki aisa karay toh us ki izzat naheen rehti…us kee susrall mein kya izzat ho gi jab woh apnay parents ko naraaz ker k un k ghar rukhsat ho k jayay gi…jab baat ayay gi lo yahi kehein ge na k kal maan baap ko chora tha un ko dukh dyay thay toh kon si bari baat hay aaj hamein de rahi ho…
aur mehroo baaji ye ‘love marriages’ mein ne bohot nazdeeki se dekhee haen apnay kareebi janNay waalon mein…aur i really dont believe in all this luv wuv kee baatein…ye sab aisay hi wakti baatein hoti haen, insaan chahay toh kis ke saath nibaah nahene ker sakta…
mere khayal se aisi larkyaan di kee buri naheen hoti lekin bas over emotional aur immature hoti hayn…maan baap ko naraaz ker k un ko bhee khushi toh naheen milti ho gi lekin woh yahi sochti hon gi k sab theek ho jayay ga…
khayr, aap kyun fikr kerti haen is baaray mein…aap chorein is baat ko…
aur Allah paak us aap kee cousin kee kismat achi karay inshallah..
Mehroo, babes.
Soemtimes you have to mould your fate rather than let fate mould you.
2/3 years back mere chacha ki beti ki shaadi uske parents ke choice ke kisi ladkay ke sath teh hui thi. She HATED him, her mum knew this, but ammi ka bhanja that so she was ALL for it. Shaadi ki tayari ho rahi thi ke meri cousin ki mulaqat ek ladkay se hui jis se woh pyar karnay lugi and basically chori chupke un dono ne nikah kar liya. Her parents didn't know her nikah was done, wph pak chalay gaye and waha shaadi ki tayari karnay lugay. She said to her ammi ke mujhe shaadi nahin karni is ladkay se ( but not ke uska nikah ho chuka hea)...her mum said acha nahin karengey tumhari shaadi lekin apnay bhai beheno ki shaadi par tho ajao pak...so she went pakistan. Jab waha pahunchi her mum said ke we ARE going to get you married to this guy no matter what happens..she BEGGED her mum and dad not to..and i guess even told them the reason ke uska nikah pehle se ho chuka tha...but they went ahead...she didnt even stay with him on the wedding night...kaise rehti..she was already nikahified..anyways her parents then LEFT her in Pakistan for a year or so HOPING she would have a kid and everything would better itself...but mere cousin ke bhai pak chalay gaye and brought their sister to Holland...from there England...and then they shamefully got her married to the guy she had her nikah done with. When they did this they said we r breaking ALL contact with you...and you are dead for us from this day onwards..
But my cousin started contactig her mum and dad, bro n sisters..and eventutally they forgave her...she had a baby boy..and now her parent are FINE with her...really happy...and now she is just like the same cousin jo pehle thi...she hurt her parents but she had to do it for her own happiness..and even tho her parents cried..in the end it is all happy dappy. They're all back to normal now.
Sometimes in life you HAVE to be selfish..na chahtay huvay bhi...
But on a personal level..i would NEVER EVER hurt my parents :)
I can't see them cry. pehle dafa zindagi mea abbu ko dadi ke jinzah par rotay huvay dekha tha and yehi dua karti hu ke ainda kabhi unko rotay huvay na dekhna paray.. :) and agar royen tho meri waja se nahin ...i WOULD sacrifice my own happiness for my parents BUT i DOOO wonder ke why parents can't do the same for their kids :(
Oh my god, such a touching story DD.
Parents do sacrifise for their kids, its only at times they think they know what is right for their kids n they do speak out of experience.
I too was going to be sacrifised to my cousin that I TOTALY hated. I told my parents that No WAY, I even got sick at a time, so they broke off this 'baat', actually my family in pakistan was insisting, my parents wanted to see me happy n not them, so they broke it off and they went through a hard time for my happiness ! Now I am happily married to someone else Mashallah. I love my parents for going such a way for me: hugs:
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*Originally posted by irem: *
aur mehroo baaji ye 'love marriages' mein ne bohot nazdeeki se dekhee haen apnay kareebi janNay waalon mein...aur i really dont believe in all this luv wuv kee baatein...ye sab aisay hi wakti baatein hoti haen, insaan chahay toh kis ke saath nibaah nahene ker sakta...
mere khayal se aisi larkyaan di kee buri naheen hoti lekin bas over emotional aur immature hoti hayn....maan baap ko naraaz ker k un ko bhee khushi toh naheen milti ho gi lekin woh yahi sochti hon gi k sab theek ho jayay ga....
khayr, aap kyun fikr kerti haen is baaray mein...aap chorein is baat ko...
aur Allah paak us aap kee cousin kee kismat achi karay inshallah..
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oh irem u r right yara ...I know after marraige life does change our jinn batooN ko hum log pahlay ahmeeyat nahi detay baad meiN wohi bhuhut bari lagnay lagti haiN , kal ko uss ka hubby yaa in laws bhi kah saktay hain ke agar tum apnay parents ke saath assa salook kar sakti hoo to kisi ke saath bhi mukhlaas nahi ho sakti ...shade ke baad bhuhut se bakhray hotay haiN , after few months jab zindgi ki talakh haqeeqat samnay atte hai too phir samj atte hai , i have also seen many love marraiges aour unn ka anjam bhi , i am not saying ke saari love marraiges naakam hoti hain lakin shade chahey love hoo yaa arrange in the end wo sirf MArraige raah jati hai :) khair yeh to jab saar parti hai to saamj atee hai , maybe i am being exstra emotional but i just cant see her mom crying like that yara ...this is so sad ...it hurts !
DD thats very sad what happend to ur cousin yara ...lakin in this case meri cousin ne har tarah se cheat kia hai parents ko our bijay sharminda honay ke wo akar rahi hai , last time i talked with her i told her ke aab tumaray iss gaar mein kam din rah gaye haiN , try to get close to ur papa , talk with him , tell him u love him and ask him to forgive u , tell him that u r going from his house very soon thu kya wo tum ko hansi khushu rukhsat nahi karen gaye and u know what she said " i dont care and dont wanna talk to him , he is such a big jerk " now is this fair ? Not at all ! so every love marraigs case isnt same dear . her parents aint jahil ppl , they are well educated and nice lakin the way she treated them and are doing they are mad at her .i hope everything will be fine aur wo uss ko sachay dil se maaf kar daeen bus i am so afraid of all baduas jo uss ki maa ke dil se nikal rahaeen hain , becz she is hurt of ppl around her who is talking abt her daughter in a bad way , ahh what a soucitey aur realtives ko to bahana chahey bus ...this is really bad !
hmmm…
sad story all around 
I could never go against my parents in this matter, by marrying whoever I pleased, regardless of their wishes…BUT it works both ways…I wouldn’t marry someone they wanted just b/c they wanted it-i’d have to do it for myself.
Khair, anyways, I can’t get involved in a relationship…
If there is nothing wrong with the guy, then why should I hide it? I should let my parents know right away. And I also know then type of guy my parents will approve of, so why bother looking anywhere else?
yes I know, trust me, I do-you cannot pick who you fall in love with, but you should try not to put yourself in a bad posistion
I know this sounds preachy and idealistic, but, believe me, I know…
If my parents said no, then that’s it. So why drag some poor guy into the mess?
I am sorry for your cousin 
I don’t understand why your aunt and uncle are being like this 
if there is nothing wrong with the guy? Is it b/c they didn’t pick him?
sigh
714 dear thanks for reply , that is the problem abt her parents specially her papa , dont know why but he is being so silly and stubborn.he didnt talk to her at all and asked her to get away from his house so many times lakin she always said like i wont leave until my shade and so on ...khair nowadays she is busy in shopping and etc and i feel so bad for sometimes that none of her family members are supporting her just coz of her parents ..my uncle just called my mom few days back and said ke agar aap logoN nee uss se taulaq rakhna hai tho muj se nahi rakhey gaa , we dont know what to do yara , bus pray for our family ke everything will be fine .
koi baat naheen mehroo aapi inshallah time is the biggest healer aur wakt ke saath saath aap dekhna sab theek ho jayay ga 
It doesn't look like she is very enthusiastic about staying in touch with her family anyway mehroo so dont worry! And if that is not the case wait till she has a baby... that is normally what gets family's back together in the desi setups. My friend's cousin was already nikaahofied to her first cousin from Pakistan. My friend says she didn't want to marry him to begin with. Then before the rukhsati they started getting into arguments and the girl decided to elope with this other guy who was her hubby's friend! Apparently he was her confidant all along and they got along pretty well. When her parents located her they had her cousin divorce her and married her off with the guy uttering the same old lolly/bollywood dialogues...tum hamaray liyey marr gai. She stayed away from them for a while, then went back and apologised but wasn't forgiven. Then she got pregnant and that's when her family halfheartedly let her come back for visits. Now she has a kid and things are almost back to normal except the fact that the parents still do not let her husband in the house or meet him, which is totally insane. But hey, give it some more time and they probably will!
So the moral of the stories is to have a kid first then figure out the marriage business. This way the parents won't be such pain in the a$$es.
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*Originally posted by Matsui: *
So the moral of the stories is to have a kid first then figure out the marriage business. This way the parents won't be such pain in the a$$es.
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How rude! and unmannerful! You have no idea about our traditions and culture. "Parents....pain in the ass" You are disgusting! We respect are parents not like you, sending them to old homes.
"Paradise lies beneath the feet of your mother" Learn to respect parents. After God's worship comes parent's respect!
^ have a midol and relax sweetie. Read the above points...it is quite obvious that once the kids are born the parents get their act together.
^ Should Midol be taken before or after having a baby?