selfish??

Society Religion & Philosophy
21

Re: selfish??

i think he did all he could to mis represent me in front of his Mom, and as she already wanted him to marry some girl in the family.
so it was double dutch against me.

~*~ 3 Teenagers in Cafe ~*~
22

Re: selfish??

i agree with you..may be this truth would be a big privte clinic offered to him by his new coming wife's father...i hve read the the whole page how maseeha have become "jallads" in sindh coming up with more than 3 Laqkhs Rs. daily of thier private clinics...

~*~ 3 Teenagers in Cafe ~*~
~*~ 3 Teenagers in Cafe ~*~
23

Re: selfish??

but i will say the same to my bhana...you are lucky not to have tis selfish person which mwould have created muc problems if you married to him...it might happen that allah will give you a true lovely husband who will stand by you whole life...and your sadness lso vanish due to this loving man..for allah knows best for his creations...some options we like ..actually worst for us...

24

Re: selfish??

laikin, mey iss ko wazhe nahee thi and nahee hoon.
meireye nezdik, iss ney mujh ko aur meireye etimaad ko khoya hey aur bus.

meye in cheezon per yakeen nahee rakhtee
keye auret izhar na kareye apni sotch ka, aur iheteraam ka, jo wohh dosroon ko insaniyet keye nateye deye sakti hey.

rishteye honeye, thae kerneye aur kaim kerneye mey,
acheye riwaj, kushi aur thezeebh sikhateye hein aur in keye mutabik kaam kerteye.

hamrey mezheb mey talkeen hey, garror na karo, aur mard auret keye rishteye mein, Allah ney yeye ijazet di hey aik haq keye towr per, keye do insan aik doosrey ko kushi seye apnaeien.

aiseye bhi rishteye hoteye hein jehan log itni chahet sey aik doosrey kee olaad ko apnateye hein.

yehan aisa nahee ho saka.
iss ki mejboori, iss ki bey- himet pun heye.

dushwari

~**~ Tussi Baray ----- Ho ~~~~ ~**~
25

Re: selfish??

but i will say the same to my bhana...you are lucky not to have tis selfish person which mwould have created muc problems if you married to him...it might happen that allah will give you a true lovely husband who will stand by you whole life...and your sadness lso vanish due to this loving man..for allah knows best for his creations...some options we like ..actually worst for us...

26

Re: selfish??


dawa-i-dil bhai,

i have nothing to say. Allah knows what has gone on and what will go on.

were we not fighting in other threads?

i appreciate, if you are honestly being empathic, yet i do not need any one to feel sorry for me.
i am and always have been truthful and i believe in honesty to be a prerequisite for any relationship building, as a follower would her/ his faith.

if the other, in dealing with a person like myself, forgets the value of absolute honesty, then it is their stake.

[/quote]

i am really very sorry for that... i thought that you were talking about "pehli nazar ki mhabat" cell phones...cscented envelops...cheap gifts... cards having arrow in between heart...GF/BF type and like that things...which are really happening in our tenagers..as a thril...
i was considering that but now i have realized that i was wrong..thing was totally different.. again i am sorry for using ome harsh words...and i am not feeling sorry for you...just saying that my bhana should come out of this phase..as new happinesse are waiting for her..as she may loose it if she will not catch them....be happy...llet forget this selfish...
and my request is plz..every guy is not like him..some guys take some poison for a girl and die haram death...so we should not generalize anyone...tahts my earnest request to you...

27

Re: selfish??

i agree...but how can you say about the person on the other set that he also ahve the same feelins of ihtimaad or yaqeen...sub dil to allah nai aik jaisay nazuk aur ihtaram or ihsaas karnay wala nahi banai ....

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Re: selfish??

siraf aik baat bata do...ab meri bhana mugh sai naraz to nahi hai...

~~~ Muu Main PANNI ~~~~~
29

Re: selfish??

being selfish is 1 thing , and having a relationship is another . relationships are based on likes/dislikes trust etc. selfish people can be selfish in relationships also

What´s your Date of Date
What´s your Date of Date
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Re: selfish??

Iraj,

you are right.
also your signature - i am doing my duty and not letting my feelings of anguish and anger be mixed with a sense of realization that perhaps, he is quiet because he is alone and he is realizing that i did not even ever cared to know his bad, all i look at is his good.

What´s your Date of Date
31

Re: selfish??

you do not know what is going around in Pakistan...i ...2 months ago..witnessed a girl hardly of 6 7 class in front of my hosuse in a street with a boy of 8 or 9 class
were walking with a hand in han...both were of near by school...tier van-uncle droped them inear ouses..from thier they came in my street...next day ...i again observed them and still sometimes...they come here.....

Star Plus or Sony kai dramo nai chotai chotai bacho kai zahan barbad kar diyay hai....rahi sahi kasar mobile nai nikal dee hai....the new age hobby is to spend tier whole night in talking...living in a un-realistic world..khawbo kidunya...SMS mohabat....Mobile mohabat...indian film dialogues...etc etc.....
my harsh post in the life1 were about that.....because you always talked in a complex philosophical manner ...unable for me to realize so ...i got the wrong signal ....but i am very sorry fo that. again...if i hurt your feelings.....i know myself...kitna dhukh hota hai..... .thukrai janai ka....jub dil ki kirchiya bikharti hai aur ihtemmad kai dawaidar jub doosroko nazar andaz karkar .....chalai jatai hai...insaan isi mohoom soch mai kho gata hai kai mugh mai kya kami thee kai uus nai mugh ko yoo thukradiya....it also happens to a boy when a girl do this..i am not only saying to you.

32

Re: selfish??

bahna...yai pakistan mai 70 % gharano mai ho raha hai...do you know ....aaj kal jub rishta laikar larkai walai larki kai ghar jatai hai..to uun kai dimagh hee tikanai nahi hotai...larki walai itni khattar mudarat kartai hai....itna ihteram kartai hai....khanai peenai kee chizo kai dhair laga datai hai...wo log kha pee khar chalai jatai hai..or phir 2 dino baad phone aata hai..aap ki biti ka rang sara sanwala hai..uus ka qad chota hai...mairai baitai 6 '1 kai saath jachhai gee nahi.....uus ki taleem ka mayar thora hai or is qisam ki doosr fazool batai ....

70 % of larkiya rozana iis numashi parade or azeeiat sai guzarti hai...uun kai dil tottai hai...mayoosi uun ko apni lupait mai laiti hai...thukrai janai ka iehsaas...apni bai-wuqqati ka dard...apni bai-maigi ka ghum...larki kya bhair bakriya hai..kai larkai walai aai....khai piyay...khraarcha karwai or phir reject kar kar dai ......kyu ?????????

behna...yai hamarai muashrai ka intehi dukh or takleef wala pehloo hai......kahi jahaiz ka lalach hai...kahi hoor pari chahiyai...kahi taleem karona hai..kahi atus kai maslai hai...... hum log kab tak is sarab mai jeetai rahai gai....

33

Re: selfish??

I am nt saying this because of you...i am male but i will not give the false colouration to the facts.....

in general.....a boy is not as serious as a girl can be.....
in general.....a boy 's heart is not so sensitive as a girl heart is.....

i ...myself know..many of my friends...who take a cell of ome girl..talked to her few months...in a very polirte and sensible manner...when they showed her the beautiful dreams of future and long-lasting relationships of marriage...and girl said why you not bringing your parents to me...they replied....how you imagined that...we are just good"friends"...how did you ever think that i wanted you to be my wife....and the girl startrd weeping then why you promissed e...talking me late at nights...making fool of me throught your dreams...they used to say..we were just enjoying...and then closed the phone+relationships+ friendship forever,..and then used to tell these spicy stories to me and other friends how they made a fool of a girl...

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Re: selfish??

Larkia amoomum nazuk ihsaasat ...nazuk jazbo aur nazuuk khayalat rakhti hai....uukkai dil mai pyar ..mohabbat...dard aashnai...ihtaram...iehsaas...caring...etc etc...laikin larkay umoomum la-ubali..khilandhar...bai-parwa....not so caring .... mostly ...etc etc....
larkia phoolon...titlioo..khusbooo...barisho...thandi hawa...raat kai taro sai baatai karnai wali...laikin amooum larkai..in nazuk iehssassat sai nabald hotai hai...jub aik larka ...apni tafreeh ki khatir kisi larki kai masoom jazbat sai khailta hai..uus ko mustabbil kai suhanai sapnay dikhata hai..uus kai saath ainda anai wali zindagi kai mansoobai banat hai...phir apni tabiat kai mutabiq hansi mazaq mai kahta hai kai maito mazaq kar raha tha...siraf dosti rakhna chahta tha...tum nai ghalat matlab liya etc etc.....kisi kai jazbat sai khailna bohat bara aur naqabl-e-muafi juram hai .....han agar aglai bandai ka zaraf ho to muafi dai dai..laikin mai larko ki wakalat nahi karoo ga...go yai karta hai....uus ko zindgi kai kisi na kisi mor par zaroor iis ko bhugtana parta hai kyukai aap qudrat sai nahi bach saktai....insaan pehlay to kisi ko khawab na dikhai or agar dikhai to phir uuk ko poora karai agar wakai wo serious hai......

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Re: selfish??

thanks, dawa-i-dil.
i appreciate your empathy. may Allah bless you for your kindness.
u are helpful in sharing various positive perspective.
given all the attributes of lightness, that women have, they are very strong in their senses and also there is that Creator, who will eventually show what is right and what is wrong or was done wrong.
until then, patience and egalitarian restraint, braceness guided by honest intentions will do.

dushwari

36

Re: selfish??

you most welcome...

37

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Selfishness is un-avoidable in our this 'materialistic existence.

It's impossible to get rid of it as it's directly related with
Attachment (Moh).

38

Re: selfish??

marrying on top of marriage, must take a special type of individual who has no personal self esteem nor regard for the other person he/ she was married to, in the first place.

indeed, it is a purely selfish and self destructive behavior.

39

Re: selfish??

Thanks Dushwari sister and dawa-e-dil brother for a very good dialogue. At least it was very useful for people like me to learn from you two. MAshAllah your families are very lucky to have sincere people like you among them. May Allah bless both of you.

@Dushwari sister.

Though I don't have words to express my anger for the man who did all this to your life, I would not show sympathy towards you after reading all your posts. I would only request you what I would have requested my younger sister, if (Allah forbid) she had gone through such a situation.

Take a REVENGE!!. Yes, take a revenge from him. Put him in the same pain, in which he put you for such a long time. And that can be only done, if you compeletly remove all kind of love for him from your heart and start ignoring him.
You mentioned that he used to consult you for support whenever needed anyone to share his views. He might come again next time when he faces any problem. DON'T let him communicate with you in any manner. If he call, don't attend it. If he e-mails, don't even open it.

You would see that after sometimes when he would realize that he is not getting any kind of attention from you, he would become desperate to talk to you. Because his "EGO" wants him to see you desperate for him. The best revenge can be to kill his ego. No matter how many times he try to call or e-mail you, NEVER EVER feel sympathetic towards him and NEVER allow your old feelings for him to come back into heart.

I don't have ANY doubt in your sincerity and Sensitivty for the relationship you had with him in the past, but you have had enough of the pain for something which was not even your fault but HIS fault. NOW it is his turn to suffer and realize how BIG mistake he made by betraying YOUR sincerity.

Just don't think about him from now on and concentrate on other aspects of life. I am telling you that if you have been able to "Completely" ignore him for about 4 months, he would literally be ready to do anything to talk to you, because his "EGO" hurts very bad when he is not getting importance from someone who had been in a relationship with him before.

Also if you want to add fuel to fire, try developing a good relationship with someone you think you have good understanding with. IT can be anyone whom you want to marry in future. This would act as addition of salts to his wounds.

Believe me. JUST try it once and you would see him begging infront of you.

This is how I sincerely feel and honestly understand, and I might be wrong.

Allah knows BEST!

40

Re: selfish??

then what will be the difference between me, and a selfish, uneducated and political 'bahoo'?
i am raised better, my dear brother.

i would like to be nobly accepted into a family and not pitied on and later guilt tripped for anything.

& i stand by my resolve to seek a good explanation and not come across like some ego centric or an afraid mashraki larki who would bite her tongue and sit down for the next weak man, to come along.

if he was true to me, he will come back and we will solve it. but all that you said, is mean - a woman like myself does not have a heart to do this.

greater than me, is Almighty.

instead, i will forewarn any woman to truly believe in any man, and never ever be sympathetic to him, unless she has proposed him, and he has accepted to marry her, honorably, his parents have respected the parents of that girl, and gotten their son married where he wanted to.

educated class of people, does not threaten or lower their own morals for someone's immature behavior.

i would even say, even if he was obedient, and is, i appreciate this.
but why did he not take a stand for me?
(but he himself would say, we should not always listen to parents and that he would want to marry someone of his own choice)
then what happened?
that is what i would like to know.
did he find someone better looking?

now remember this is a long distance relationship. if he is cheap and dishonest, then may he never find peace in his life.

but if he is sorrowful over what happened, then he must return and try what he can, to undo what he did.

i do not know what he is doing and what he is up to.
my relationship from my side, was noble and clean enough, so that i could still look out for him.
but, it will be only until a certain time.
what i do know is that my faith tells me, that i can seek out what made him be the way he is.

his intentions were not bad, as he proclaims, until the last communication...
and he indicated that even though his family will not let this marriage be, yet he wanted to stay as my friend, in the one before that...
but you tell me, how can you get pass the fact that someone leads you on, proposes you and then expects to stay in contact and not own up to his weakness, being incapable of defending me, if he really wanted to make me his wife?
what kind of a man would do that?

and i happen to be happily educated and i am proud of my honesty and sense of braveness or even be sharing this with people about my age - as i see a social problem here.
why would you marry someone who is lugged on you for what ever reason?

Hazret Khadija proposed Mohammed and he married her
a hadith says, the best thing for two people (man and woman) who like/ love each other, is that they get married.

then, why in 'mis-quoted' 'islamic, pakistani' families, men are allowed to do what ever they want before marriages, and ultimately they get married to someone who probably was wanting to marry someone else, and the men already either did not know who they wanted to get married to, or they have made it a habit to abuse women their age( this kind may never ever get married to a good spouse and may they suffer always) , or they did have a heart for someone who they so proposed and yet backed off.

and that is a fight within this man who i refer to here and other men like him, and only he/ they can fight it out.

dushwari