are all humans selfish?? im pretty sure some people here would say no.. so heres the question for them..
if u’re already married… y did u choose to get married?.. was it good for you or u got married for ur partner’s benefit??..
same question goes for people in the relationship (bf/gf)… are u in relationship cuz its good for u or its just cuz u’re carrying ur partner???
Re: selfish??
no, human beings are not genetically selfish, but they become so, due to their life experiences.
it will be nice, if they realize that selfishness can go only so far, and then it is at the mercy of the world and ultimately at its Maker.
Re: selfish??
are all humans selfish?? im pretty sure some people here would say no.. so heres the question for them..
if u're already married... y did u choose to get married?.... was it good for you or u got married for ur partner's benefit??....
same question goes for people in the relationship (bf/gf)... are u in relationship cuz its good for u or its just cuz u're carrying ur partner????
Actually the simple terms like "selfish" can't survive a critical analysis, Like, Lets assume a person chooses to get married because he wants to see his partner happy, and he is sure that his partner will be happy by this. you would call such a person as not-selfish. But in a way he is selfish because, he did it for himself, because he wanted his partner to be happy, so he done it for his that specific want/desire. So when we are serving others we are serving our desires/wants to serve others, thats selfishness.
Re: selfish??
So when we are serving others we are serving our desires/wants to serve others, thats selfishness.
i never thought of it as that... nice.
Re: selfish??
no, human beings are not genetically selfish, but they become so, due to their life experiences.
it will be nice, if they realize that selfishness can go only so far, and then it is at the mercy of the world and ultimately at its Maker's mercy.
Re: selfish??
^ but sis...we all are selfish ..in some sort..in some aspect ..in some magnitude....some are less...some are more....
Re: selfish??
Being unsure of oneself is selfish, I have seen a person like that, from somewhat closeness, only some time ago.
( not a girl friend – boy friend relationship, it was a long distance one, and so the PROXIMITY was none and sparingly the two actually ever met. )
To my mind these things come as the conclusion of his whole behavior from start to the incomplete ending -
That person might have started out being really scared yet wanting to try on his own, if he could find a life-partner, which is his right.
That person is also confusing Allah’s will with his own second guesses about me.
That person is also under situational pressures from his family’s decision about him and who, when and where and to whom he will get married.
That person all along was low as he use to say “I don’t want one of us to feel emotionally attached” meaning you should not think that I am giving you all assuredness from my side, confirming that we will be together.
I was carrying him to the limits that I could – he knows it.
I hope I did not inflate his ego nor made him feel like he is weak, yet after proposing, he left without any reasons.
That tells me that he was selfish.
Then, I did not want to think that he was a male who was mouthing around with other women as well. He knows that I gave a lot of respect ( not being selfish, but as a genuine person, a woman who began to like him) to those few moments of his sharing over the phone, his sense of feeling at peace, when I will reassure him through talking that things will get better in his life, career, with family and one day he will have his own good spouse and children.
Anyone can ask him, that I was always there for him. He will never be able to deny this.
My parents met his Mom very kindly, even though his father did not come. My assertiveness was not something he his Mom could take. So they conveniently blamed everything on the difference of personality, which he knows was not the case.
It could have been in appearance, as I am a woman and he is a male.
But he and his family misjudged me badly.
Under the pretext of that, they did what they originally had in their mind.
It is for him to figure out over time, what he gained and what he lost.
Is this selfish of him, he needs to sort this one out.
Two things I should not have done, was talked a lot on my views, but they were not actions. And not always picked up his phone, emailed back, especially if he was in need of simply talking to someone he thought is all of a sudden long distance easy catch of a whole human being, always ready to honestly listen to his day’s challenges and give him supportive response.
Predictions against me were made based on doubts and fears – led him to make another selfish decision that after all this while that I listened to his side of the story – he walked out on me. This is selfish of him, too.
He forgot that the nobility and dignity in a mutual relationship especially in its early stages of making – if it was honestly intended at all at his end – will and should have included his strength to stand by me, but he did not and that is selfish of him.
He always used to refer to some people around him at his work or in his relatives as his potential alternatives - for all I know, he is probably fulfilling his needs with some or being forced to get married to the girl that his Mom wanted him to.
It is for me to absorb that this does happen and it is normal as the world tells me. obviously, I am not going to put my life on hold for any such human being who I tried to be with, but then he turned out so ill-witted, unsure and unable to make a sound decision,
unless he proves to undo what he did – because there is a greater possibility that he did make the decision he made, he made it in sheer haste, pressure, and confusion, because he did not see me in person, that he truly got mad at me at my persistence (without looking needy), when I pinched his nerves by shaking his conscience as I reminded him his words, lines or a truly meant proposal.
Still if he did not understand and has no regard for my sincerity, this is his fault.
He is a ‘doctor’ he should know better about healing, and intervention. He ‘mis diagnosed’ me and so he mistreated me, and his liability is that men like him always end up with someone they cannot handle – too weak or too clever women.
I was always trying to prevent him from making this decision not because I was selfish, but because we could have been fine together. But, he is so helpless, in either being a male whose sense of commitment is weak, or being a sacrificial son, he gave in – only looking at only a part of my nature – that I am true caring and strong when it comes to taking a stand against injustices and double standards, and I am never going to change that for anyone.
He won’t pick up my calls, and write a good for nothing note via email – displaying all his madness, insensitivity, cowardliness – that is all selfish.
Often, he used to infiltrate my mind with ground of his easy walk-away. And he did that very successfully. He wants to look like a good man, after acting like a bad one.
That is selfish of him too.
But he did not see that I was honest, loyal and wanting it to work in our favor in us getting married- in his heart he knows that he is selfish that is why he cannot confront me, in person even when I gave him an open notice that clearly says he has to see me in person, to put a closure to this nonsense – not being man and brave enough in doing so is selfish on his part again.
So, to answer the query in this thread, if I take this example and say that he is born selfish, I cannot say that, but did his situation and motives made him selfish – that is highly true.
Re: selfish??
i was not selfish at all and i try not to be.
^ but sis...we all are selfish ..in some sort..in some aspect ..in some magnitude....some are less...some are more....
Re: selfish??
so sis...at this point ..nothing rang up in your mind that the boy is not serious....why you still attached to this notorious....
Re: selfish??
yes... i know...the world is full of such people...who gave more preferences to money..status...beauty..or something else rather than promises....
Re: selfish??
i wanted to see, how lowly some people can get.
or perhaps he is honest and then i want to see his resilience in his honesty.
that is why, i kept giving him a benefit of doubt.
which he lost long time ago.
so sis...at this point ..nothing rang up in your mind that the boy is not serious....why you still attached to this notorious....
Re: selfish??
Anyone can ask him, that I was always there for him. He will never be able to deny this.
no need of asking.....i have a strong trust what my little bahna is saying...
Re: selfish??
or perhaps he is honest and then i want to see his resilience in his honesty.
that is why, i kept giving him a benefit of doubt.
which he lost long time ago.
may be sis...the family pressure was so much that it is hard to resist...because when your mother say something to you...beleive me..its really very difficult for not a boy ..but also for a girl to negate spcially in marriage issues...as our Eastern values concern...sometimes family memebers give emotional blak-mailings...
Re: selfish??
is this thing of difference of personality said by the boy or his mother ?
Re: selfish??
may be his mother had alreadysome better choice in her mind...on appeal of his son..he came to your house just for "khana puri" means just having fun...no serious talk to begin this relationship....you know..in west people see mostlt thier own interests ...etc
Re: selfish??
thats the point Bahna...you gave him such "importance" he started to be treated as emperors....aap nai us ko sar par charha liya.....aur wo maghroor ho giya....
girls should always talk but less.....i am not saying to you but all girls..once i read in a book a sentence...""""""""Mard daryaft ka parinda hota hai...gub us par koi cheez puri tara khul jati hai to uss ki dilchaspi khatam ho gati hai aur wo kisi aur asman ki taraf mahawa-i-parwaz ho jata hai...."
i think bahna..the same happened to you...
Re: selfish??
it could be money, beauty or it could be that given his back ground, history in relationships as he made me aware of them, he feels inferior in himself.
and in my helping him, whole heartedly to get over this feeling, he completely missed my sense of honesty and saw my strong ness as a threat. such a tragedy of errors, for him.
he said in his last email that Allah has shown him a vision and a truth
I would like to know that truth and vision, but since he is hollow,
he cannot and will not ever be able to come in person to me, and reflect on his mistake, as that is and will not get him his peace of mind, even if he was cheap and a liar.
educational class difference in families was there and all families can and do have their good and bad, i agree with that,
but i did not see that our happiness in planning to get together, can become crushed so easily for him, because of ill-meaning premeditated escape.
people tell me, good riddens, or as i tell about this instance to anyone, at GS or in my actual surroundings and circle of friends or family, no one can go beyond either 'i am sorry he is so bad" or " he will get what he deserves" or " he was not meant to be for you" or "stop finding excuses for him" or "he was not worthy of you", i will never forgive him or may be the same Allah, can show him he went gravely wrong, again, this whole blaming Allah for his decisions is not right and he knows that too.
YET, there are some things that only the two of us can resolve together and alone as two people who started out alright, but then he played his game.
and no matter how much he talks to someone about all of it and they tell him to own up to his mistake in having caused a betrayal, (if he is honest and decent at all) , he wont be able to muster enough courage to come back and apologize and give a good explanation.
yes... i know...the world is full of such people...who gave more preferences to money..status...beauty..or something else rather than promises....
Re: selfish??
this thing should be applied to both boy and girl...one should bow towards other so that his/her personal dignity and honour just become a child,s play in eyes of the other...
Re: selfish??
dawa-i-dil bhai,
i have nothing to say. Allah knows what has gone on and what will go on.
were we not fighting in other threads?
i appreciate, if you are honestly being empathic, yet i do not need any one to feel sorry for me.
i am and always have been truthful and i believe in honesty to be a prerequisite for any relationship building, as a follower would her/ his faith.
if the other, in dealing with a person like myself, forgets the value of absolute honesty, then it is their stake.