Have any of your friends ever gone through a period of selfishness? Where it is all about them? Now yes, Miami is a rough city, si. People here are muy selfish to begin with and its a very me-me-me-look-at-me-look-at-how-hot-i-am kind of town.
Girls like me don’t do well here, needless to say.
But anyway.
I have these two friends, and I’ve been noticing that their selfishness is increasing. One doesn’t call or see me unless she needs me for something, but if I need her for anything, she has a million lame excuses like “Oh, its 9 pm, and I’d rather go home, I’m tired…although I didn’t do anything all day, except smoke marijuana. Boo hoo”.
Other one is seriously ONLY interested in looking for men, and I’m her wing woman, I guess. Which is friggin offensive and its been years of this nonsense, and I’m getting tired of it. We went out last night and she made a total arse of herself. Says that if she doesn’t get the seats she wants at the movie, she is leaving…and this was a movie night she made ME organize for which people had driven out an hour to come out and hang out with us. Just one example of how selfish she can get. She told me she was annoyed no boys showed up. I felt like saying to her “well with a face like you have, I’m surprised even girls showed up”
I don’t know folks. These two ladies are the only friends I have in town. I’m thinking of no longer contacting them. I’d rather be left alone and fly solo.
What would you do?
Mind you, I have no other way of breaking into social circles. I’ve tried. I dont feel like going up to random girls and telling them how beautiful their dresses are for them to be nice to me. If I go to a party, and I’m standing alone and I try talking to people, I expect some friggin courtesy and some nice conversation attempts in return. Which doesn’t happen because these girls were apparently taught how to socialize by Aliens or something.
Except I kind of like the way boys handle this stuff. Just don't say anything. Stop picking up their phone calls. Quit inviting them to hang out. Eventually, if they're smart enough, they should get the message that you don't wanna deal with their crap anymore.
I had some friends like that...didnt hesitate for a second to cut them out of my life. There is enough drama in the world...I dont need anymore. I dont have time to sit there and do jhooti tareefein of people who dont deserve it.
I will say that until I was smart enough to let these people go, being friends with them was really difficult. I always made it to their parties or events but they never came to mine. I always made an effort to be there for them but they rarely showed me the same courtesy. I didnt notice it too much because they're not the only friends I have. Over time, it became too obvious that they just liked hanging out with lots of people...just wanted a whole bunch of us to crowd around them and tell them how pretty they were (they werent).
For me when it becomes obvious and apparent when a friend of mine has become selfish, I just keep my socialising with him at a bare minimum, ya sirf kaam ki baat.
oh my Gawd, girls are so fun...go shopping together, tell the other person how cute they look and they'll say the same to you, go eat sushi, go get your nails done together. When we go out we rate the random man candy on a scale of 1-10
girl dialogue: oh my God, you look sooo cute today, oh my God no look at YEWWWWWWW hottiieeeee
FRIENDS??? Why are you even calling them that? Friendship is supposed to be a mutual relationship of compromise, give and take. If it’s a one-sided affair, it’s hardly a friendship. And this scenario seems more like a business relationships, where you’re the one going out on limb to fulfill their requests while they don’t much care about you. You might as well get paid for it…but you’re not even getting that.
I always get the impression from your posts that you’re a strong and independent woman, PCG. It’s kind of tough for me to picture you being a “wing woman” or being bossed around by this girl, let alone putting up with her crap. “Friends” are usually people that associate with often enough, and it they’re THAT bad, then they’re robbing you of peace of mind in your life. And needless to say, life is too short for that. It’s not healthy (physically or mentally).
I’ve ditched so-called “friends” for their frequently tactless behavior and it’s no big deal. Once I did, I felt soooo much peace, that it made me realize (afterward) how stressed I had been when I was in their company. Made me realize how much peace I was missing. In my opinion praise should be sincere, or it risks sounding fake. You wouldn’t want fake praise either. Compliment people when you truly feel like it. That reflects honesty to urself n others and confidence. Kissing-up (for whatever reason) is not attractive and is not viewed thus by the one on the receiving end either.
Try breaking into a different social circle, maybe one that has more in common with you. Or attend events that are more up your alley and where you are more likely to find people similar to you. Instead of opening the conversation with a compliment, ask them a question (or make a comment) about the event.** “So, what do you think of …?” **And take it from there. Ask them questions about other issues (besides fashion and boys). Their responses might give you an idea of whether or not that person would be compatible with you.
These girls have changed. They used to be more fun and sincere. One is just freaked out that she isn't finding prince charming although she talks to a different guy every week and rejects all her rishta offers. It's hard to feel sorry for her but that's what she expects. After working my butt off, if a friend calls to hang out, I don't wanna hear your sob stories man. I wanna have a good time. She USED to be fun to hang out with but now she only wants to go out meeting guys. I threw this movie night thing together last night and only girls showed up and she was annoyed that there were no guys there.
On top of that, that friend (one who thinks I'm her wing woman) tries to pounce on a guy I told her I met, begging me to introduce him to her. I suggested subtly that I was interested in him and it's like she didn't even hear me.
Kept insisting for a week that I introduce her and I said NO.
[QUOTE]
On top of that, that friend (one who thinks I'm her wing woman) tries to pounce on a guy I told her I met, begging me to introduce him to her. I suggested subtly that I was interested in him and it's like she didn't even hear me.
[/QUOTE]
You should have told her no right there and then and to be honest people like that DON'T deserve to be friends.
[QUOTE] Kept insisting for a week that I introduce her and I said NO.
[/QUOTE]
As I said PCG is an internet warrior only.
On top of that, that friend (one who thinks I'm her wing woman) tries to pounce on a guy I told her I met, begging me to introduce him to her. I suggested subtly that I was interested in him and it's like she didn't even hear me.
Kept insisting for a week that I introduce her and I said NO.
You can vent all you want about them, you can share a million examples of their self-centered behavior. But unless you decide to put your frustrations into constructive actions, nothing will change. It's clear that you don't enjoy being in their company anymore, so simply maintain a distance from them. You can't have communication with people who exhibit selective hearing, LOL. You're not gaining anything from this. Don't hesitate, let them go. They'll find someone else to boss around or take advantage of. You can't change people. You can, however, attempt to change your situation for the BETTER. Time to get new friends, PCG. Ditch them. From now on, make excuses when they ask for favors (It'll be interesting to see how they react).
These are not true friends. Everybody is a 'friend' when your having fun, but the real ones stick around when the **** hits the fan. Are these school friends?
One - friend since I was one year old. Other - friends for like 8 years.
Not easy to dump long-standing relationships. Plus if i stop communicating with them, that leaves me with zero friends and I network starting ground up. It's not easy to break into cliques.
Ok, so you need them at the moment, so you can't dump them totally BUT you have to stop being used by them.If they call you up be more guarded and don't feel obliged to yes to everything they say. If you don't feel like meeting up with them or going to a particular place just say no. Be ready with a list of excuses if they ask you for a favour.
If they are such old friends you need to tell them off right away if you are not okay with something (especially when it all began), and if they care they will realise. If they don't, break it off. I have ended contact with people who weren't there for me when I needed them. But you're right, it's not easy to make new friends at this stage, it's just not the same as when you were teens.
Screening out the real friends is a life long process. Likes and dislikes , habits , personality and preferences of people change overtime. Since these are your childhood friend and they have changed so much that it has become annoying for you then it is time to look for some new friends. I am not saying that you dump them. You obviously share many things and have share big part of your life for a long time and you can continue to do so.
But there are certain things about their personality which you do not like anymore , it will be difficult for you to change that. It would be much easier to find some more good friends with the kind of personality you are looking for. There are more than 6 billion people in this world , you can find a few good people to befriend.
