Segregation at Parties

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Segregation at Parties

What usually happens is.......it remains segregated untill the 'official timings'. afterwards outsiders leave.....and families 'unsegregate' for some time.

22

Re: Segregation at Parties

I'm okay with it either way.

During family functions, I don't mind sitting with everyone (men and women together). It's much nicer that way. Even if it starts out as segregated, it ends with everyone sitting together anyway.

But if I'm at a friends or acquaintances wedding or something, I prefer segregated functions. Doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. But that's just me. I'm sure some people might think it's silly.

23

Re: Segregation at Parties

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24

Re: Segregation at Parties

I agree.

the 50/50, pleasing everyone idea never works. You either do it properly, otherwise I don't see the point.

My cousins valima was segregated in Karachi. Her inlaws did it for cultural not religious reasons. The waiters were all male and many of the grooms close cousins and brothers were in the ladies side.

I was told that it will be segregated, and wore a lengha (like my other female cousins), only to end up keeping my abaya on all evening :(

25

Re: Segregation at Parties

That's exactly how I had mine

In my reception, there was a separate entry for the ladies and the men. You couldn't see into each other's sides at all. The two areas had their own arrangements for dinner and there were waitresses on the girls side and waiters for the men.

I sat on the "bride sofa" (I didn't want to, lol), I sat on it about an hour while everyone was taking pics, with me (female photographer) and then I got off and mingled with the guests and had dinner with my mum-in law and sisters - in law.

I don't think that there was anything special, in terms of seating for my husband. He was sitting with the rest of the crowd and meeting everyone.

We arranged separate pics for the guys side (general group pics, which my male cousins did).

Later, my husband and I got our pics done together with our Mums.

Any thing can work out, as long as you're willing to do it.

26

Re: Segregation at Parties

Doesn't make sense. You guys socialize openly in real life amongst others - men and women. They go to school together, they live together, neighbors to each other, and this type of stuff just engenders the idea that men and women shouldn't talk to each other at all in real life. It's not Islamic. It's extreme.

27

Re: Segregation at Parties

Islam isn't something you make up as you go along. We are all pick and mix Muslims so some follow more than others. I notice you bring Islam into your general anti Pakistani rants but never back your blanket claims of "it's not Islam" with either Quran or Sunnah.

If you want to be a more thorough Muslim research your deen and follow your interpretation and let other follow theirs. Live and let live.

Out of interest do you have any ayats or hadiths on these topics that you knw of? Please enlighten the rest of us too.

28

Half of our parties start as mix gathering and end up being a segregated setup anyways. Women are not interested in talking politics and guys don’t gossip or back bite, so segregation happens naturally

29

Re: Segregation at Parties

Do women dance, sing, scream, and wear deep neck and see through clothes when they socialize with men at work places or colleges? How Islamic is that? Islam allows women to have fun, get over it! Not every woman attends weddings to look for potential husband, some really do just wanna have some girlie fun and go home.

It's only you who's confusing everybody by comparing a mehndi party with an office environment.

30

True.

31

Nice, and thats how most weddings are in my family.

32

Re: Segregation at Parties

It is good to have no segregation at all. Just a small minor problem is that our religion do not like this rather consider this a sin.(i know what replies will come so i will wait til the usual rant is posted- :) )

We normally excuse if the function is not having any segregation(does not matter how close the relatives are). Thats what me and my family does, will not judge others on this criteria alone.

33

Re: Segregation at Parties

PCG, I don't think you understand the concept of segregation in weddings at all. It is very Islamic, FYI.

You see, I wear a hijab. I wear lose clothing, I cover my hair when I step outside my house. A lot of my friends, who aren't just Pakistanis, but Arabs, Turks, Afghans and Somalians do the same as well. In my family, it's just my sisters and I who wear hijab so the concept of segregation at weddings was pretty foreign to me. When I adopted hijab later on in life, I understood. When you wear a hijab, it's not a temporary thing, it's a life time commitment. On my wedding day, I can either:

1) Have a non segregated wedding, don my hijab with tons of makeup and bling, be showcased at the front of the stage in front of random non mahram men, no dancing, just a boring wedding where no one has any fun

Or

2) Segregated wedding, where my female guests and I are free to wear whatever we want, wear makeup and show our hair, dance, with no intermixing

A lot of my friends would be comfortable with the latter. I'm not being extreme and I get where your argument is coming from. A few days ago I went down to the men section of the mosque because I needed to give something important to my 11 year old brother. I was standing in a corner, away from all the men & fully covered, when a brother from 30 feet away took the trouble of walking up to me & telling me that I shouldn't be there. I was furious- we're around men in grocery stores, schools, hospitals, so why was is it a such a big deal when I was there, standing a good distance away from the men? I didn't even go to the main area to call my brother but told a little boy to get him for me. It was away from the entrance, so there were barely any men passing by. Wouldn't it have been better if he just stayed in his spot, lowered his gaze and let me be? Some people just feel the need to go overboard in mosques but everywhere else it's fine.

But as far as segregation at weddings is concerned, it's not extreme. Some people (such as myself) are more comfortable with it, provided it's done properly.

34

Re: Segregation at Parties

You go to parties to entertain yourself. Why sit with females or family then ??!!

35

Re: Segregation at Parties

My mother has some friends who preferred a segregated mehndi so decided to have a ladies only mehndi at our house. There were no men in the house until after the event was over. My reception was not segregated but didn't really have any dances or things like that, it was a simple event. I don't see anything wrong in segregated events.

36

Re: Segregation at Parties

The bride and the groom are in their respective sections so not together in that type of setting. Pictures have never been a big part of it from what I've seen, and at least as far as the men go, as long as the food is good, everyone's happy.

37

Re: Segregation at Parties

Exactly. Most of the dawats in our circle isn't forced segregated at all. Aunties just end up sitting by themselves, and the uncles by themselves. Most of the "kids" sit somewhere else but I've noticed that after a while the guys and girls kind of seperate anyway. The same thing happens at goray dinners etc.

And most of the weddings I've been to aren't segregated either.

38

Re: Segregation at Parties

ive been to a few segregated weddings. some had a parda, other didnt. the ones without parda, the ladies just wore their burqa.

at one wedding that was not segregated. there was a doctor's family, his wife does burqa plus niqab.. she is a doctor too. my dad was pissed cuz the wife wasnt eating at all and the man was eating away heartily. wife was just lifting her veil and taking a few bites then finally stopped as i think she saw ppl were looking at her. she was the only niqabi in the wedding. my dad was annoyed as he coudlnt understand why such an educated couple cannot compromise, and why the lady couldnt just remove her niqab. (that was my dad's personal opinion as he thought she looked ridiculous eating that way)

39

Re: Segregation at Parties

When she has to do a testicular exam as a doctor what does she do?

So bizarre

Actually becoming a doc in our society is all about the show baazi anyway.

40

Re: Segregation at Parties

I've been to a few segregated wedding events and they have never bothered me. I don't attend weddings of people where I don't know at least one of the families (either the bride and/or groom's side).....so not knowing anyone has never been an issue. Hubby and I are perfectly capable of spending a few hours away from one another. Besides, even in mixed weddings or something simple as having dinner with a other couples we know......most of the time we end up separating on our own anyway (ie. women end up together and the men go their own way with their sports/tech/finance talk).

I don't wear hijab and am comfortable in a mixed environment....but I completely respect another person's decision to host a segregated event. And no, I don't expect anyone else to justify their reasoning for doing so. After all....an invite doesn't mean that I'm somehow forced to attend the event. If the segregation bothered me that much.....I would just not attend.