…why is it that married men need to seek permission from their wives when they need to do something potentially dangerous and stupid?
Single guy: Vegas here I come. Sweet a job in Iraq I will be there next week.
Married guy: “Honey…you know the guys…well they want to go to Vegas…its really for a business trip…”
Now I am not married (one of the few single desi guys this side of the Arctic circle) but my married friends have lost all sort of independence they had. May any of the married men shed light on the matter? Its hardly worthwhile when you had to deal with an overprotective desi mother (and most desi mothers are overprotective) and now you have to listen to another woman.
That's called being in a relationship. You're no longer living for yourself but for another person. And that goes for both men and women. I'm sure the men would expect their wives to at least inform them before doing something potentially dangerous/stupid or whatever. Its just how it is.
Also kinda funny you put potentially dangerous/stupid and Vegas in the same sentence. Now if you'd put cage-fighting, wrestling wild animals, base-jumping, bob-sledding, etc. I'd have agreed. Good times!
P.S. I'm not married. Just informed. And I guess that's why I'm wary of such relationships haha!
I don't think I would go for a shopping spree to Paris without checking with my husband. It's not about independence but about responsibility. If everybody did only what they wanted to do, why would we ever need relationships? It's about being interdependent.
I believe you are confusing two different issues. The first is seeking permission, the second is informing the other. In most cases men have to seek permission to do things they would normally do if they were single. Its not an issue of informing the spouse. Name any spouse you know who would just take: "Honey me and the boys are off to vegas for the weekend. See ya in 3 days." That is informing someone and you do that to your parents and friends all the time, unless you are 35 and over. Then mommy doesn't harass you much about movement before midnight.
The issue is seeking permission. Case in point a colleague and friend drinks for fun and socially. His wife does not know. Why? Because she doesn't allow him to drink in his home. He actually has to seek her permission to get drinks for friends. I just find it weird that as an adult you have to seek permission from another person to do what you wish.
I believe you are confusing two different issues. The first is seeking permission, the second is informing the other. In most cases men have to seek permission to do things they would normally do if they were single. Its not an issue of informing the spouse. Name any spouse you know who would just take: "Honey me and the boys are off to vegas for the weekend. See ya in 3 days." That is informing someone and you do that to your parents and friends all the time, unless you are 35 and over. Then mommy doesn't harass you much about movement before midnight.
The issue is seeking permission. Case in point a colleague and friend drinks for fun and socially. His wife does not know. Why? Because she doesn't allow him to drink in his home. He actually has to seek her permission to get drinks for friends. I just find it weird that as an adult you have to seek permission from another person to do what you wish.
What happens when you get married is that you usually do things together. It's a partnership. So out of respect for each other, you ask. In normal marriages, spouses don't limit or restrict each other. But if you just "inform" you are sending a message that you don't really care or you take the relationship for granted. Your spouse isn't your roommate. You depend on each other. So it's only polite to ask if it's OK. To feel that you're having to answer to someone is a bad attitude.
At the same token, there are men I know who have crippled their wives, such as a few tableeghi guys [no disrepect to them] who don't allow their wives to drive or go out, then one fine day "inform" them that they are going on 40 days jamaat...the angels will protect you while I'm gone...they'll even buy bread for you and deliver it to your door. So don't worry begum. What do you have to say about that?
The issue is seeking permission. Case in point a colleague and friend drinks for fun and socially. His wife does not know. Why? Because she doesn't allow him to drink in his home. He actually has to seek her permission to get drinks for friends. I just find it weird that as an adult you have to seek permission from another person to do what you wish.
She is against drinking and he knows it too. It only makes sense to ask permission of your wife/partner in such a situation. And she's not just another person, she's his partner.
Completely agree that it is not the same for all married men blessed2006, but I find the answers so far intriguing. Some form of independence on the part of the husband (where say he does not seek permission to drink, smoke or say buy a new car or a motorbike) is seen as a failure on part of the marriage or the inability to live cohesively.
So basically the view is that since you are in a marriage you have to follow dictates from the spouse regardless of your personal feelings and views? Seems kinda smothering. Also wouldn't the spouse be at fault as well for forcing her/his partner to do something they do not wish to give or do?
Wow. That sentence is so generic I have a headache from reading it. But you get the point I am making hopefully.
Niksik your case you ask out of respect and if the spouse (regardless of gender) says no and you still do it you imply you are in fact being disrespectful. But shouldn't a partnership ideally accept that people have different views and that respect is not eroded by one action and that putting the needs of others before your own desires is of equal importance?
from what I know some guys just use the wife thing as an excuse because they really would prefer to spend time at home with their wives/kids. I bet you half of those cases, the wife wasn't aware or she did give the go-ahead.
I believe you are confusing two different issues. The first is seeking permission, the second is informing the other. In most cases men have to seek permission to do things they would normally do if they were single. Its not an issue of informing the spouse. Name any spouse you know who would just take: "Honey me and the boys are off to vegas for the weekend. See ya in 3 days." That is informing someone and you do that to your parents and friends all the time, unless you are 35 and over. Then mommy doesn't harass you much about movement before midnight.
The issue is seeking permission. Case in point a colleague and friend drinks for fun and socially. His wife does not know. Why? Because she doesn't allow him to drink in his home. He actually has to seek her permission to get drinks for friends. I just find it weird that as an adult you have to seek permission from another person to do what you wish.
Its not weird at all. Its respectful to consider someone else's lifestyle - especially when you live under the same roof and are married to each other. It may not be pleasant but wives ask their husbands before spending large amounts of money or making decisions because it impacts both people.
If husband doesnt plan out his buddy trip with his wife...how is he a good husband? What if they have kids and she was hoping to spend some family time together? What if she had her own plans? What if kids have a school project coming up they need help in?
I am positive women too would love to go out with their friends, forget responsibilities, relax, have fun, laugh and just be themselves instead of mom and wife. I know such women myself.
Its not mandatory to ask but why strain relationships? Why mess things up when all you have to do is talk to each other and come up with a plan? "Alright honey, you go on your boys trip in December, I'll do my thing in February".
Key point, as GDIASA said, it’s a relationship and requires mutual consideration - both partners in the relationship need to be thoughtful of the other partner’s needs and how their actions impact their spouse.
But hey, there’s a solution to this, if the husband wants to take up extreme sports, he needs to take care of the following - have an ironclad insurance policy that pays out oodles of money in the event of his untimely demise. That’s being thoughtful
.