second-wife

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: second-wife

roshi yeah thats also another case.....

there is no need of a second wife when first one is perfectly fine. He married her cause he wanted to have sexual pleasure with her and to save himself from some gunnah he married her. What is the purprose of her in his life?

tu nahe to koi aur sahi koi aur nahe to koi aur sahi.... lol

22

Re: second-wife

nia - as I said, I believe in what you say also, but unfortunately, they made their choice and made a decision neither can easily break. They married, so the only option would be to live with it and make it work. They don't really have another option. Your religion is the same as mine in that divorce is not really an option, once you make that choice, it is done.

I also believe that she acted rashly and out of lust as opposed to making a good choice for a husband.

Anyway, that was my point, as I mentioned, I would not want this for my daughter, but if she took the step to be married, she has to deal with the consequences and I would prefer to give my support rather than to leave her hanging out there alone once the reality of what she chose hits her. That girl may have made a very poor choice in marriage and for her life, but for her family to disconnect when she may need them now more than ever, I truly don't understand. That's all.

23

Re: second-wife

Actually, I think the first or second wife can get a divorce... i know of someone who did somethign similar here... got married to a married man and it only lasted for a few months and then they divorced..

24

Re: second-wife

Islam permits a man to marry up to four women I believe. It isn’t only restricted to extreme cases and Allahu aalim. May Allah (SWT) forgive me if I’m wrong.

25

Re: second-wife

minah pa- :~) . think from a mother's point of view. Once raises a child, goes through every single bit of trouble of life, stays up at night if they have a fever, go to their school, celebrate bdays etc. But one day that child decides to run away and forget that love and care taht was given for 20+ years.
us mah ke dil pe kia guzarti ho gi. un udas ankhon me kitne anso ho gay.

may be mother will come around who knows but it will take alot of time.
I do know about this girl who is syed got married to a hindu guy. he converted before she got married to him but her parents didnt talk to her for literally 5 years. Today her parents are there but she is not allowed to come to any family functions etc cause none of the family members want to see her.

26

Re: second-wife

What about life after having divorce....

27

Re: second-wife

nia - I have kids 18 (boy) and 16 (girl) and I am thinking from a mother's point of view.

I am not raising my kids eighteen or in the case of this woman - 20yrs to just throw my daughter away because she makes a mistake (a HUGE one, but still a mistake) that she will have to bear the consequences of for the rest of her life. I will be hurt and I may lecture her on her stupidity from time to time, but throw her away? I would lose my heart if I did.

I don't understand that kind of thinking. It is a conditional love then, not the unconditional love you are supposed to have for a child. It is saying in a way, I will only love you if you do exactly what I want and that is unfair.

 But, as you say, hopefully the family will come around.

sadzzz - I think divorce is not an option sometimes, especially if you are devout. It would not be for myself nor for my husband. If he truly decided to have another wife, I can disagree and even live on my own, but divorce is not an option for me. And I believe it is not an option one takes lightly Islamically either. I believe divorce is an absolute last option, not something to throw out there because you are unhappy with a choice you made.

28

Re: second-wife

i dont see how this scenario is bad… the guy converted. The parents should be accepting of the marriage and i dunno praise the daughter…

sometimes, i dont understand parents

29

Re: second-wife

Good point about how the husband is going to give 100% attention to his kids when he's not there half the week.

Paki Maryam - wait till he impregnates the second wife. Then watch the mazaa.

If he married this second girl based on LUST, then I can tell you right now, he'll pay for it.

But its also possible that he wasn't happy with the first wife, and found someone he could really relate to in the second. Nonetheless, he definitely should have consulted his first wife in the matter.

If he did consult her, and she agreed, then there is nothing you or I can say against it. At this point, he has to be equal to both wives and both families. And if he can't manage that, God will take care of him.

I mean dude, I'm not a guy, but I know of the lust-issues men seem to have.

If you have three choices:

  1. adultery
  2. polygamy
  3. staying single....

I'd take the last one. In that way, you minimize your risk of sinning. If you give into your desires you can so get screwed over even by the halaal #2. God is always watching.

30

Re: second-wife

now practically its tough for a man to spend all of his life with just one single woman. And also, women decline (look wise) when they hit like the 30s or whatever (esp desuns - they become cows, if they werent one to begin with) and the guy still has the same desires as when he was in his 20s. So thats why we see those old men with 20 yr old girls. Not to be overly crude, but they need the fresh meat.

Its hard to be a man...

hum ne us dhool ko aankhon mein basa rakha hai
31

Re: second-wife

lussi - as far as i know woman gets her desire after 30 and you guys dont look handsome with white hair and wrinkled face either.

WE can still put make up and look 20 years younger.....

32

Re: second-wife

well but those white hair and wrinkled face guys have big pockets..and for some girls..those deep pockets triumph age/looks..

33

Re: second-wife

Lussi, being a muslim man and being a father and a husband involves duties that supersede the "meat-desiring lust" of young men. True, the lust is still there, but you have to reign it in.

Self-control is a great quality.

In ramadan, when you are asked to Fast, don't you hold your hunger in and fast? When you're impatient to get something done, don't you check your impatience, especially in the face of a boss or so?

Then why can't guys have respect to withhold their desires so that they can be emotionally faithful husbands to the wife they AGREED to marry in the first place?

If you want to be able to use your lust, then fine. Go ahead. But then don't ruin someone's life by accepting to settle down.

I hate guys like that. They marry and then phir oonko khoojli hone lagti hai ke kissi doosri aurat se chakkar chalaaye.

What you see here is a guy who tried to use his right to polygamy to prevent himself from sinning. What he didn't realize is that he could have thwarted this second girl's attempts to get him. By self-control.

And seriously, I really do not like the idea of this second girl, even though she's your friend. She probably didn't think twice about this first woman, nor did she probably ever speak to her in the first place to make sure she's comfortable with it.

Piggess.

Remember we had a thread about education and how good it is for women? And how it can help them when they're in a troublesome situation? See, I don't know how educated the first wife is, but being an educated woman myself, I think I'd have the confidence and a back-up plan to just divorce this guy and take myself away from the situation. And don't tell me about the bad effects on the children. Chances are that he would see the children as frequently as a polygamous husband as a divorced husband.

34

Re: second-wife

yea well some guys would have that self-control and some wont. Thats why instead of sinning some guys might go for using that 4 wives option. I tink the optimal timing should be this way:

Age 25 - first wedding
35- second
45- third
55- fourth and last

All with like 20 yr olds...that would be wicckked..(and now ofcourse all this must be done with prior wives' consent and if the man is financially able..)

35

Re: second-wife

What if some one find a good option for a fifth one? (He already has 4 and age is high as well)

36

Re: second-wife

Lussi, good luck on getting that first wives consent in this day and age. Haan pehli ki baat aur thi. Aaj ki baath aur hai.

Ladies are not so afraid to just walk out of their houses anymore. I'd do it if the bugger brought in another woman on me.

37

Re: second-wife

umer...im no scholar but im think we're allowed to have 4 wives at the same time...so if you find a good fifth fit..then you can prolly divorce any of ur exsisting 4 wives to make room for the fifth?..im not sure abt this...so u might wanna check...

pcg...well if the wife doesnt consent..then end of story...but im sure she wont bare the sight of her husband being sad...that is if she is a true caring wife...thats how u differentiate girls from women..

38

Re: second-wife

Are u kidding me? So if my husband sees some skank ho that he wants to ride, and says that he'll marry her to make it halaal, I should acquiesce to the proposal to make him "happy"??

If you want to talk from an Islamic point of view, than the virtuous good wife will help her husband move away from lustful relations.

A relationship based on lust is probably the most irreligious of all unions, religiously speaking, o irreligious lussi.

39

Re: second-wife

well pcg, im sure its gonna be more than lust. The good wife should compromise and not become confrotational, that will only lead to her divorce.

why is relationship based on lust the most irreligous of unions??

40

Re: second-wife

Thanks for your time and support.

Now if I love my 4 wives (with age 50, 40, 30 and 20, while I am 55) and don't want to divorce any of them or just can't live without them, but I also think that I was born for the fifth one. In this case what should I do? Isn't it unfair for men to divorce one to get one? I am feeling ignored and embarrassed.