Ok so a former friend of mine, just got married to a guy who is already married to a mashallah very beautiful girl from Pakistan, and has two adorable girls. So this friend fell madly in love with the guy he’s been married for five years and isn’t so hot to begin with, and he remarried with the friend who ran away with him despite the fact he is already married and she is fully aware of that. She claims she wanted him single or married that is how much she loves him. Now he doesn’t have that hot of a job he manages a local restuarant but fully supports both wives provided both of them separate houses and spends alternating days with his two wives. I am just shocked, how can you fall in love with someone who is already taken. And its taken such a hard toll on the parents they don’t even want to go out in public anymore. Comments.
Re: second-wife
The first wife has had a lot of patience, she has been quiet and she feels she cannot do anything and because she has his kids, she wants to stay with him, and more importantly she has no financial support because her parents live abroad. I don't know who is going to suffer the most in the triangle. I mean the one who ran away got disowned by her parents and whole khandaan she can't turn back, the guy is juggling two wives, and the first wife is miserable.
Re: second-wife
Ok fine, the girl fell in love with that married guy, but what about the guy? Did he also fall in love with this other girl or what? If yes, why? If not, then why did he marry her? Couldn't he have said I am already marry, sorry?
Re: second-wife
^ I know and everybody is blaming the girl right now because they say its her fault, she knew he was married everybody did, not only that there is a age difference of 8 years he is 8 years older than her, she is only 20. I wouldn't know if he is in love with her or not, I mean he loves both of them, he said he would never leave his first wife for her, but would allow a second marriage.
Re: second-wife
They're muslim, they can do it. (Polygamy) Stop complaining.
Re: second-wife
I blame the guy. If the girl was stupid enough to propose to a married guy, couldn't he have turned down the proposal? It's not like she had him on gun point and asked him to marry and he couldn't refuse!
And the kids will suffer the most. Mom will hate their step mom. Kids will end up hating their dad for what he did to their mother. In the end, the man's losing everything.
Re: second-wife
Hey who’s complaining? I am just pointing out that the parents of the girl act as if they have been humiliated because of what their daughter did, don’t jump to conclusion so fast I know its halal. Calm down.
Re: second-wife
yeah but nobody thinks its the guys fault, everybody is pointing fingers at the girl and her whole khandhaan is being talked about now and they have disowned her she can’t even go back to them, I don’t think its fair.
Re: second-wife
I mean, if none of the parties involved have any trouble then who are we to cast judgement on their choices? her family needs to get a grip. i can understand why they wouldn't approve of her choice, maybe because they know all the problems that cud arise, the resentment and outrage, but they should realize that she at least she had the courage to do something that not only is perfectly allowed under Islam but she didn't do the typical thing of having an affair with a married man, which in my eyes, is a hundred times worse.
Re: second-wife
There is no marriage without wali (girl's father, unless he disapproves of it for some unIslamic or insensible reason). How could the guy who read nikkah even say 'yes, it's okay for you to get married because you ran away from home'.
Or is there a twist to the story?
Btw... did it happen in Pakistan or somewhere else?
Re: second-wife
Some Hanafi jurists consider that the wali is not needed
[http://www.ummah.net/Al_adaab/fiqh/nikah.html](http://www.ummah.net/Al_adaab/fiqh/nikah.html)
*In Hanafi Madhhab, a woman can get married without a wali and can appoint someone her deputy, yet if a woman marries someone who is not her kufw, her wali can interfere and stop the marriage.*
In Pakistani courts, which apply whatever madhab the people in question claim to follow (predominantly Hanafi in Pakistan), this results in judges ruling marriages without walis present are valid. Similarly there are plenty of Hanafi mullahs in Pakistan who contract marriages without walis around to give consent.
The BBC once ran a documentary on wedding laws in Pakistan, and one clip featured a couple who had eloped to a mosque to marry. In front of the camera and the imam of the mosque they stated that their families opposed their marriage, yet the imam carried out the nikkah with a smile on his face and broke out into a big genuine grin once the nikkah was completed.
By contrast, Shafi, Hanbali and Maliki madhabs rule that a marriage without a wali's consent is invalid.
Re: second-wife
what a loser..only two wives. What kind of muslim is he? shoudl have like 4. someone should beat his ass forbeing halfassed. 
Re: second-wife
Men and women are mature enough when they are married to adjust themselves in most cases or at least they can compromise a bit to live in this dual-wife scenario. So if some girl has preferred a married man, then she must have considered every thing before she made her decision. As for Wali, it is a long discussion and may never end up. Parents must feel bad for it, but it is not something very unsual, so they can try to concentrate on other things and accept what has happened. There is usually no way back in thi sWorld.
In this case the women (1st and 2nd) and their husband can all adjust some how. This scenario affects the children most. In a dual-wife scenario, if man will spend his time with one wife, then the children of other will definitely miss him and feel unattended. This can lead to negative behavior at some stage in life. Many women have a tendency to use their kids, somehow, to please their husbands. This thing makes the kids feel unique as they are loved and listened by every one. If kids don't get their father one day, in most cases, they can blame themselves for it, thus things can be worst. This thing can be harmful for them as well.
Re: second-wife
Every Muslim is not lucky enough to have four wives. Many don’t get even one.
Re: second-wife
I blame both girls. First one couldnt contorl him and second one is a shmuck to begin with. I am sorry didnt mean to say it like that so bluntly. Ask your friend a question, That guy could not commit to one woman what makes her think he will commit to her forever.
Pyar shyar is good but usually that last for not that long the real love begins after shadi. When someone has no shame to hold your hand in public that you belong to them . When someone is willing to up 3 in the morning and get medicine for you. When someone is willing to take your parents crap and not say a single word back out of respect. When the guy believes his wife first before he runs off and get to any conclusions. This is real love.
saying " i love you" 50 billion times isnt enough. I always challenge people ask that person to show you that they love you..... getting greeting cards, flowers, chocolate for valentine etc isnt enough.... whats the point of that happiness that will only last for few months or may be few years but will end at one point.
People say a lot of things but action speak louder than words
Tumhari dost bohot se logo ki gunah gar hai. First that other woman, i am sure she doesnt think of your friend in good way. Those kids that this guy probably have from the first wife. Your friend took away someone's husband and father as well. Yeah may be that guy will be there for his kids from the first wife but he will only be there for few days and rest of the days he wont. Parenting is needed 24/7 to raise decent kids in the society. Your friend's parents, they are compeletely ashamed of her as you mentioned. bap ko naraz karna kuda ko naraz karna hai aur mah ke pao ke neeche to jannat hoti hai. She will always have a label of the "other woman" i am sure when her kids will grow up and ask their mom. They would knwo that their mother is the "other woman". its not such a good title to have.
last but not least
mah aur bap ki duaein ke kilaaf koi bhi kaam kya jaye its not right.
pyar andha hota hai .... *sigh
Re: second-wife
Umer - if I am ever allowed to have two husbands, you are my first choice 
Well, the peope involved are married already and have a life together (somewhat) already. The man has taken up the burden of two wives. Some would even say that is punishment enough 
. In my opinion, her family, if they truly cared for her, should support the choice she made. As sara pointed out, at least she is married as opposed to just having an affair.
No one wants something like this for their daughter, but the daughter made the choice freely. I would not want my daughter in a situation like this, but if she chose it and is happy, I would support her, no matter what I want or believe.
nia - he did commit to both of them and he is allowed to do it. I believe what you say totally, but these are young adults and have to live their own lives. They will learn in time, but since they are married already, it is a choice they have to live with and adjust to.
Re: second-wife
I dont know who to feel sorry for...the first wife because the poor women had no choice and has to share a husband!!!!! no woman can even stand the thought of sharing a husband. The guy because he will not get the love from his children which a father deserves they will always hold it against him that he married another woman over their mother. Or the young second wife who thinks its "love"!!! sounds more like infatuation to me.
To my the guy seems to be at fault he could have avoided all this by saying he is married. yes the girl would have been upset but only for couple of days she would have gotten over it...now she is in a position where she can't even meet her own parents.
Re: second-wife
minah pa - :~) we have wrong idea of more than one marriage in islam. i am sure she has the same right as well? doesnt she? Commitment - i am sure he told the frist one i will love you forever. lets say if love is for 100% but now it will be 50%. When a man comes home he is tried etc he wants to talk to his wife about everything. But now one will know few stories and other will know the other stories. First will always be giving a priority over the second one. Cause the frist one usually gets chosen by the family. [not sure whats the case here]
sigh - hum auratein hi ghar bigarti hain aur ghar banati hain.
why does a female has to share her man? Yes it is allowed in islam but i am sure if there was a case where there will come updated version of Holy Quran [May Allah forgive me if i am saying anyting wrong] 2nd marriage would be haram.
Back in t hose days after numerous wars there were all females who were left with kids and no finance. Thats when it was allowed to take another wife to help her etc.
This wasnt done for sexual pleasure and thats what almost eveyone believes.
But why is there adjustment. I wonder how she feels with him now. His lips were on someone else yesterday, His thing went someoen else before her, He touched another woman everywhere before he touched her.....Come on how on earth you can live with this....
Thast my problem"They will learn from it" this has happened numerous times before with other people. I am sure people told her. Why didnt she learn then?
Re: second-wife
Nia... i very much agree with you. Neither one of them are going to get the love they deserve from a husband...undivided attention!
Plus i know second marriage is allowed in islam but isn't it only allowed in extreme casses?? such as if your first wife is dead or if she is unalbe to have children???