How bad is it to marry a man who is already married,provided he does not plan to abandon his first wife and kids?
Are the labels ‘homewrecker’ and ‘other woman’ borrowed from the west? Islam allows polygamy, then why is there so little acceptance of it in the desi world?
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Op,
Maybe it is a western influence that the second wife is called a homewrecker. Although the Bible and Torah do contain accounts of Prophets that had more than one wife. Heck there are even accounts of cousin marriages and that, too, is “taboo” in western society. While the 2nd wife may not “always” be a “homewrecker”…the “home” IS going to be affected. The HOME life of the first and second wives AND their respective children …will be affected.
Yes, Islam does allow polygamy. However, in surah Nisa (verse 3) Allah says that if a man fears he cannot do justice between multiple wives, then he should marry only ONE.
Now you might argue that what if a man knows himself to be fair and responsible and truly believes that he can do justice between multiple wives…well our Creator…knows the nature of His creation. Allah KNOWS men better than the men known themselves…better than the mommies that gave birth to them…better than the two farishtay sitting on the shoulders of the men. And this is indicated in …
Surah Nisa (verse 129)…where Allah says…“You will never be able to do justice between your wives no matter that it is your ardent desire…”
So, that’s something men should reflect upon if they think it’s gonna be a piece of cake. I am not going say that something shouldn’t be done when Islam permits it. But I bet that many of the men (of today) who engage in polygamy…will be upset if their DAUGHTER’S husband took on a 2nd wife. Somehow, with men…the rules always change when it comes to their own behn/beti/ma. 
Yes, we know that Rasool SAWS had many wives…but there is a zameen-asmaan ka faraq between the men of today and Rasool SAWS. When Aap SAW’S wife, Khadija (AS), passed away he was given the option to marry an older woman (can’t remember her name) that moved slowly…or to marry Aisha (AS). He chose the former because he wanted his children to have a mother. The Muslim men of today who are divorced and have kids don’t have big enough hearts to marry a divorced woman with a child; he can’t accept her kids but wants her to accept his kids, lol. But I’ve seen guys and their familes get worked up over rishta of girls that are just a couple years older than them, too…and the Prophet SAWS married someone many years his senior. Even in wanting to marry a second wife, the men tend to have many nakhray. There are soooooo many BASIC things from his SAWS’s sunnah that we fail to follow (either deliberately or carelessly)…we struggle even with praying 5 times a day with punctuality and concentration…and yet we wanna rush to follow the sunnah of 4 wives 
It’s no just the men of today…we’re ALL messed up…including the women.
Even if a man doesn’t abandon his first wife and kids, the first wife and kids ain’t stupid…they WILL feel a difference in the amount of time and attention he gives them…refer to Surah Nisa (verse 129). Even though he did not intend to hurt them…why does anyone want someone’s broken heart on their conscience…least of all their own family members? We will be accountable for hurting others. So, I feel that a lot of thought needs to be devoted to such an issue because it will affect others.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
In this day and age polygamy is immoral and would damage society? Why would it be okay for a man to have two wives and not a woman to have two husbands. Many women are making loads of money so the provider logic is no longer valid.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
If the rights everyone of everyone involved are upheld, I don’t see a problem with it. I know of a handful of people who have or are practicing it, even in the west, and I’ve never heard of those labels applied to them.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Depends on one’s definition of morality. That was the topic of the thread where I first came across you in a serious conversation.
For those who follow islam, polygamy is not immoral. Everybody has the right to follow the religion of their choice or no religion at all. And each and every one of us should respect that.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
There are many women in monogamous marriages who complain their husbands of being unjust. Husband may be spending time/money with his friends/family and gets accused of being unjust in even monogamous marriage. Whether someone is just or unjust shouldn’t be based solely on wife’s opinion. By being just b/w multiple wives would be to spend equal amount of time,money and affection on each wife, regardless of which one is more beloved or how much total time/money husband has.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Yeah, I know of a few arabs who talk about it casually and have no problems with it and I know others who mind it.
Just like you said, if the people involved are fine with it and everyone is given their rights, then it should not be a problem.
It’s not the ‘second wife’ who is a ’ home wrecker’. Anyone can be a home wrecker; a neighbor, inlaws, your own family, your co-workers etc.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Polygamy is not immoral or a sin in Islam, however there are stipulations or conditions in place that need to be met. It’s a decision that should be given careful consideration; not to be misused and undertaken for the halal fulfillment of base desires…and once those desires are fulfilled…you’re faced with the arduous lifetime responsibility of appeasing two wives and maintaining justice b/w them.
Lmao. What comes to mind is a disturbing quote made by a former Guppy in regards to the matter of polyandry a long time ago: “It’s all fun and games until all of a woman’s husbands wants her at once.” Polyandry leads to disputes about who the “father” of a child is…though there is DNA testing. Plus Islam has established the husband as the head of the family so when you have several of them, that can certainly be a problem. Moreover, even today western society looks down upon a single woman going from one man to another to another…so polyandry hurts a woman’s image…it cheapens it. Granted that a man who goes from one woman to another is not viewed in the most favorable light either, but the connotations are not as harsh as they are if a woman does the same.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Religion does not supercede human rights, the issue with women rights and children and minority rights go beyond religion. Many can argue that in today’s society since men cant guarantee equality between wives then it can be classified as un Islamic. There were many things allowed as per requirement of time and most moderate muslims now think these things are not Islamic as per the current times like having slaves, having sex with captives of war, marrying 8 yr olds etc. When Daesh fighters rape captives of war now it was common practice then but they cant claim it to be religious right for today. Saudis think it is un islamic for women to drive also, how many will agree to that? When Saudis want to flog rape victims or Iranians want to stone a raped woman the international community does go in an uproar. There is something called ijtehad and there needs to be some very educated people who will make rulings to make laws work with basic human rights. To me moral has to be just, if women are allowed polygamy than it is just, if only male are then it is oppression. BTW, when hadrat Ali (RA) wanted to have a second wife the Prophet (SAW) did not allow it.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
**So here is the reference. I do have a lot of knowledge about the faith.
It was narrated from al-Miswar ibn Makhramah that ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib proposed marriage to the daughter of Abu Jahl, when he was already married to Faatimah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). ****When Faatimah heard about that, she went to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and said to him: Your people are saying that you do not get angry for the sake of your daughters, and ‘Ali is going to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl. ****Al-Miswar said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) stood up and I heard him when he bore witness, then he said: “I gave a daughter of mine in marriage to Abu’l-‘Aas ibn ar-Rabee‘; when he spoke he told me the truth and when he made me a promise he fulfilled his promise. Faatimah is a part of me, and whatever hurts her hurts me. By Allah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah and the daughter of the enemy of Allah will not be joined together as wives of one man.” ****So ‘Ali abandoned that proposal. ****Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3110; Muslim, 2449. ****The scholars mentioned a number of reasons for the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) forbidding ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib to go ahead with this marriage. These reasons all boil down to four things: ****-1-****This marriage would be hurtful to Faatimah; whatever hurt her would hurt the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), and whatever hurts the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) is a major sin. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) stated that clearly when he said: “Faatimah is a part of me, and whatever hurts her hurts me.” ****According to another version: “She is a part of me; what disturbs her disturbs me and what hurts her hurts me.” ****Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5230; Muslim, 2449 ****Ibn at-Teen said: ****The most correct way to interpret this story is that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) forbade ‘Ali to be married at the same time to his daughter and the daughter of Abu Jahl, because he gave as the reason for that the fact that this would hurt him, and hurting him is haraam according to consensus. ****It would have been permissible for him if he had not been married to Faatimah; but being married to them at the same time, which would have been hurtful to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) because Faatimah would have been hurt by it, meant that it was not permissible. ****Quoted from him in *Fath al-Baari, 9/328 ******An-Nawawi said: Because that would have led to hurting Faatimah, in that case it would have hurt the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) too, and the one who hurts him is doomed. For that reason he forbade him to do that, out of compassion towards ‘Ali and towards Faatimah.******End quote from *Sharh Saheeh Muslim, 16/3 ********Ibn al-Qayyim said: By mentioning his other son-in-law (Abu’l-‘Aas ibn ar-Rabee‘), and praising him for having spoken the truth and fulfilled his promise, he hinted to ‘Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) and encouraged him to follow his example. This gives the impression that he had made him a promise that he would not disturb her or hurt her, so he encouraged him to fulfil that promise, as his other son-in-law had fulfilled a promise he made. ********End quote from *Zaad al-Ma‘aad, 5/118 **********What is mentioned above does not apply to any woman other than Faatimah (may Allah be pleased with her). *****
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
There’s so much going on in this post but only the second last sentence is the real reply to my post. Since your definition of morality isn’t the same as mine, let’s agree to disagree.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Exactly.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
I know of many women who make loads more than the husband, the head of our corporation is a very capable female and many big men pee their pants at the prospect of drawing her ire. Hilary Clinton was the secretary of state and way more powerful than most head of states, so I don’t buy this head of the household stuff. Many educated and enlightened muslims promote and subscribe to gender equality. I was at a wedding and the imam was preaching about wives should be obedient to husbands and I was in disbelief.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Absolutely but it is only free choice as long as no one is getting hurt. This doctor arrested for genital mutilation cannot cite her moral freedom on that subject.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Who talked about women making more or less than men in here? Where did you get that from? 
Either I am sleepy or you are deviating from the topic at hand.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Some poster had mentioned in Islam the man is the head of the household. That is not our view in the western society and ideal is equal partnership.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Isn’t that exactly what I had said? 
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
Lmao. Uhmmm…“moral” does not necessarily have to mean “equal” sir. Even “just” does not have to mean “equal.” And please don’t get side-tracked here (as you typically do) and start throwing out examples of child marriages and mutah and falana tamkana.
Let’s stick to the issue at hand, shall we? Do you consider the image of a woman going from one husband to the next to the next…a decent thing? If it does not disturb you at all, then something is wrong with you. You might see such an arrangement as “female empowerment”…but it really…(and pardon my bluntness) …it makes that wife look like the “btch” of all those men. Allah has made men and women DIFFERENT in terms of their physical strength and their psychological/emotional makeup…and that’s why it’s a folly to have the same exact equal rules for both genders in everything…because that fails to take into consideration their unique limitations…and that is the opposite of justice, sir.
Now, let’s look at the hadith you quoted. The Prophet SAWS said “By Allah the daughter of the Messenger of Allah and the daughter of the ENEMY of Allah will not be joined as wives of the same man.” That makes sense to me. The Prophet SAWS never saud that Hazrat Ali AS better not marry ANY other woman. He made a specification…He said the daughter of the ENEMY of Islam. It kinda changes things. The family of your ENEMY living in close quarters with you…can be a very dangerous thing.
What exactly is your motive for putting forth this hadith? It’s possible that Hazrat Fatima AS herself would not want to remain married to her husband if he took on another wife. And if the Prophet SAWS’s wives had demanded a divorce from him if he took on another wife…he doesn’t strike me as the kind of man that would keep them against their will; He would have given them the choice to leave. A father knows his daughter. He must have known that Fatima AS did not have it within her to handle a second wife and so he might have even expressed his daughter’s desire on her behalf. And Hazrat Ali (AS) out of his love and regard for the messenger did not carry this out. You know, even prominent Western figures were in awe of the Prophet SAWS character and they did not get hung up on his multiple marriages or the age of his wives. They looked at the Prophet SAWS’s character on the whole. So, look at him on the whole.
Also, baby steps. First we need to work on not looking down on spinsters before we graduate to championing polyandry.
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
I see no such post in this thread
Re: Second wife =home wrecker always?
So then the first wife should give written consent or she should be given enough support payments and part of the property and the right to divorce. If the woman is dependent then under financial duress she can be coerced to agree. I don’t know any woman who would agree to husband marrying a shiny new model. Also there is the moral dilemma that a married man here stops eyeing other women as he is done with finding a mate, with belief in polygamy a married man is always in the market and has 3 vacancies. Or four if he fires the first one.