Re: Second Marriage?
Ok, have you tried getting help from her family members? As in explaining your frustration to them and getting them to talk to her?
Have you tried complimenting her when she does share her opinions/thoughts about something…(it could be something small). That could motivate her to share more…though it could take time.
This might sound corny…but what if you use a different approach besides talking. Like for example, what if you were to use a notebook or email or something…as a medium for communicating thoughts. Like a journal could go back and forth between you two. Maybe she’s the kind that does better with expressing her thoughts through writing then orally? Reflect over your own behavior. Maybe there’s something in your demeanor (that you’re not aware of) that makes her feel as though you’re not into this marriage…and that might be causing her to close off?
People deal with grief in different ways. Do you think that maybe your expectations might be a bit unreasonable? Some people feel the need to express every single thought and others just prefer to move on. Maybe she’s the kind that prefers to focus on the present and the future…and when you try to get her to open up, perhaps she sees that as dwelling on the past and she thinks there’s no point to it? If that’s the case…maybe you can try to compromise a bit with her. Instead of getting her to focus on the past (circumstances your marriage took place in, etc)…why not concentrate on developing the present?
You know I was wondering if maybe she just “resigned” herself to this marriage and just settled. But now that you mention how she tells you she “loves” you…I really feel for her.
If you tell her that you’re contemplating a 2nd marriage out of frustration…(but don’t act on that yet)…maybe it might get her to open up? Try spending time with her then…and see if things improve…before marrying the other woman. I used to work with this Desi woman whose husband hand’t divorced her…so she was still his wife…and then he went on to marry a second wife. There were kids from both marriages. I remember her telling me that her daughters see that Dad can’t be fair in how he spends his time with both families…and that it hurts them…the kids pick up on the difference. And yes, there might be polygamous marriages out there that are working just fine…but you’re taking a risk. Your first marriage was a gamble…but a second one brings additional challenges. Just think things through.