Need help my fellow guppies. I was introduced to someone through a friend a couple of years ago and after a few conversations over the phone, told him we weren’t compatible and I wished him luck in finding someone soon. However, we ended up hanging around in the same crowd a few months later and I found that there was so much to this guy that I hadn’t known/hadn’t bothered finding out when we were talking. He was basically perfect for me. During our get togethers, he was always kind and polite towards me and I found myself falling for him eventually. Just as I’d worked up the courage to ask if we could start again, he turned really nasty towards me (making cutting remarks, etc.) and I ended up going cold turkey and blanking him for about 2 years. This was easy as he started hanging around in a different social circle. We carried on like this on out own until I bumped into him recently at a social event. I was surprised by how handsome he was and wanted to make amends and see if there was anything to him still or if he’d changed…
Anyway, to cut a long story short, we’ve met up recently and my god, I like him soooooo much. He seems to have moved on himself so much and I have a feeling he’s interested in me. HOWEVER, I think I wounded his make ego by rejecting him all that time ago and I don’t think he’ll ever tell me he likes me outright. I’m a typical Desi girl and believe the man should ask and the girl should be the shy, retiring type! So, what do I do? Do I bring up the past and apologise? How do I let him know I like him? And, at the same time keep my dignity intact?
can your friend who introduced him to you, get an idea by talking to him that how he feels about you now and whether he would like to start afresh with you.
On a serious note, if you see a future with him, nothing wrong in making the first move.
but i think its against the woman nature n it wont seem reasonable to me atleast... OP instead ov telling him directly ur feelings, u should try to show it through ur gestures indirectly.. if hes interested as well, he would definitely say it himself beside his ego...
only gesture r no no in this situation as she already rejected him in the past he can't read any signals
well common friends can help here or u can make a conversation n in humorish way tell him I was totally unable to read u back then n everytine I see u I find u more impressive. in such a light manner that it wont look more than lil innocent flirting
I had rejected my hubby when we initially talked for the same reasons. When rishta pressures go away, it's a lot easier to get to know someone on your own terms. Why don't you continue being friends with him and if he's interested he'll make the first moves ego or no ego, everything that happened before was so long ago. If he really likes you, he'll show it. Sometimes first impressions don't always go right until you get to know someone more without all the pressure on you to make decisions. I would let things take it's course and be yourself. If you'd really like just send him an email explaining you feel bad about whatever happened and that you appreciate his friendship now.
can your friend who introduced him to you, get an idea by talking to him that how he feels about you now and whether he would like to start afresh with you.
Need help my fellow guppies. I was introduced to someone through a friend a couple of years ago and after a few conversations over the phone, told him we weren't compatible and I wished him luck in finding someone soon. However, we ended up hanging around in the same crowd a few months later and I found that there was so much to this guy that I hadn't known/hadn't bothered finding out when we were talking. He was basically perfect for me. During our get togethers, he was always kind and polite towards me and I found myself falling for him eventually. Just as I'd worked up the courage to ask if we could start again, he turned really nasty towards me (making cutting remarks, etc.) and I ended up going cold turkey and blanking him for about 2 years. This was easy as he started hanging around in a different social circle. We carried on like this on out own until I bumped into him recently at a social event. I was surprised by how handsome he was and wanted to make amends and see if there was anything to him still or if he'd changed...
Anyway, to cut a long story short, we've met up recently and my god, I like him soooooo much. He seems to have moved on himself so much and I have a feeling he's interested in me. HOWEVER, I think I wounded his make ego by rejecting him all that time ago and I don't think he'll ever tell me he likes me outright. I'm a typical Desi girl and believe the man should ask and the girl should be the shy, retiring type! So, what do I do? Do I bring up the past and apologise? How do I let him know I like him? And, at the same time keep my dignity intact?
Any advice appreciated.
But why did he suddenly get nasty towards you?
I'm not sure if it's the ego being wounded because after the rishta rejection, you said you were hanging in the same social circles but he was very nice and friendly towards you.
On a serious note, if you see a future with him, nothing wrong in making the first move.
You're right, I suppose I'm just terrified of rejection and compromising my morals- I've always been bought up thinking if a man likes you enough, he'll do anything to get you. This man has implied he still likes me but his ego has been trampled on by me and he'll never ask me but I'm scared to ask him because I've never done this before!
can your friend who introduced him to you, get an idea by talking to him that how he feels about you now and whether he would like to start afresh with you.
On a serious note, if you see a future with him, nothing wrong in making the first move.
but i think its against the woman nature n it wont seem reasonable to me atleast... OP instead ov telling him directly ur feelings, u should try to show it through ur gestures indirectly.. if hes interested as well, he would definitely say it himself beside his ego...
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I turn all weird around people I like and can come across arrogant and obnoxious (not sure why). I think I've confused him already by rejecting him, then liking him and then not talking to him for a long time and now talking to him again. If I turn all girly on him, that'll be weird for me and him (I think)!
I had rejected my hubby when we initially talked for the same reasons. When rishta pressures go away, it's a lot easier to get to know someone on your own terms. Why don't you continue being friends with him and if he's interested he'll make the first moves ego or no ego, everything that happened before was so long ago. If he really likes you, he'll show it. Sometimes first impressions don't always go right until you get to know someone more without all the pressure on you to make decisions. I would let things take it's course and be yourself. If you'd really like just send him an email explaining you feel bad about whatever happened and that you appreciate his friendship now.
Thanks S and S. That is a possible way forward. I'm just so keen to find out one way it another because I can't think if anything else. I suppose I want him to ask me straight out himself rather that having a plan in mind and guiding him to it eventually. Don't know if that makes sense- sorry!
I'm not sure if it's the ego being wounded because after the rishta rejection, you said you were hanging in the same social circles but he was very nice and friendly towards you.
I'm not sure why Sara. Like I said, we shared friends and used to all go out for dinner, etc. and get on like a house on fire. Suddenly, I became the target and used to have acidic comments directed at me. When I told him this was upsetting me, he used to mock me and carry on. It happened twice and I decided I wasn't going to put up with his bad manners and so cut him out completely. I got told by our mutual friends that he probably still liked me but felt bitter at being 'dumped' (it really wasn't that- we only talked on the phone 3 times before I called it a day!) and didn't know how else to handle his feelings. Like I said, it was only when I bumped into him recently that I got that same, lovely feeling towards him as before- nice, gentle guy, etc. He told me life had changed a lot for him and that he'd had therapy to deal with some of the issues from his past, etc. I'm assuming those nasty comments were made during the stage he was making some other changes to his life, etc.
I think I'm to blame in the sense that it takes me time to trust people and reveal the 'true me' and so even if he has tried making an effort, I've clammed up and have only revealed surface level info. I think I need to work on myself and interacting with the opposite sex. I'm just not very good at it because of a lack of experience.
Not sure if age plays a part, I'm 30 and he's 35. He's originally from Pakistan and I'm born and bred in the UK.
So you would rather have him put his dignity on the line and compromise his morals for the second time? Your muck-ups are for you to fix.
Good point. I've got to realise that he has his sense of pride like I have mine. I'm thinking if making the first move by coming straight out with it but I'm scared!!!