This little monster that I’m living with makes me not want to have any children at all. Sure, he is okay when the T.V is on. He becomes a zombie in fact, but when its off and he can see you (me) then he pulls you, follows you and screams at you if you try to get away while the mother just watches. I don’t mind that he wants me present in whatever he is doing, but what I do mind is that he doesn’t want me to do anything. He won’t play with me. He will scream if I touch his toys and he definitely doesn’t want to leave my side.
Please help. I’ve tried being nice and all, but I really cringe when the kid screams and the parents do jack.
Also, the fact that this parenting style is influencing the younger impressionable new mother-to-be is scaring me… but I’ll just send her books I think.
When the tv is off, sit down with a pile of kid-friendly books and start flipping through them. He’ll probably either start copying you or try to take your book. Just let him and pick up another. Keep your voices soft and point out interesting pictures in the books.
Okay more seriously Kakee…just leave the kid. If you need or want to leave the room…just do it. It’s your not responsibility to manage the kid’s crying. Let the kid screech and screech until he’s blue in the face…it’s his parent’s job to deal with him, not yours. It’s not right that they’re indirectly depending on you to be the dam that blocks their kid’s flood of tears. Let the parent’s get annoyed…it’s a good thing…cuz eventually they might get pissed off enough to do something about it. Let them face their responsibility.
How is he related to you that you have to be ever present for him? In any case, if you live in close proximity to thsi kid. Say a firm no! and walk away and lock your room. He will throw a few tantrums and mom will have to do something about it.
They don’t have childrens books… Orz
I think I’ll be buying books for next time I come here… for the next child that’s coming.
The parents want to shelter the child till he goes to school or something. It’s extremely annoying for the rest of us. Mind you, he just yells for the heck of it. I usually run away when he is out of the room, but it’s rather hard to runaway when he is trying to get into your room and the mother (since the father is non-existent during the day) doesn’t just pick him up and put him somewhere else.
I hate what they are doing to the child and so does everyone else… but the parents don’t listen…
Mom is making him into a zombie He will scream at you if the TV is not on and won’t be punished for it.
I would love to, @Southie, but the kid thinks me going towards him is a game and that he should run away… one time he was going to go out the house and the mother did NOTHING.
I’m basically a stranger, not your Nanny, Madam… Please don’t give me the burden of your child… There are clearly many things that I don’t like about what they do. I just hope the parents here are sensible enough to not create zombies… and I hope i will be too.
Who is the child? Is he a relative you have to live with?
He needs to b stimulated. My kids watch a lot of tv, but when weather is good they spend all day outside, or else when inside they sit n play with toys or colour in.
My eldests behaviour improved when I had my 2nd child, so a sibling can really help. She used to constantly clingy n agitated.
Ignore, ignore, ignore. I do that with no boundaries, screaming kids. It’s almost comical to be glued to your phone or a book when you’re dragging a kid clinging to your leg but it’s worth it to completely make yourself uninteresting. You must have the strength of mind to presevere of course.
I really don’t understand why people interfere with other people’s kids. If the kid bothers you, leave him. His mother will catch him if he falls, literally. That’s what mothers do. It’s instinct. If you are going to be around, an adult, in the room with the kid, the mom doesn’t need to be there since he is three years old and at this age, kids need basic supervision which any (sensible) adult can do. As you ARE related to them, you are the pseudo babysitter if you are in the room. So is any other adult who is related.
As a mom, I do not hesitate to walk out and do other things if I know a relative is present in the room with my kid now that my kid can walk and babble. Sometimes I may have to alert the relative that I am exiting for a while if he/she is not already keeping an eye on the kid.
It takes a village to raise the child. But if the village isn’t there, life won’t come crashing down.
And yes, kids scream. They like the sound of their voice at times. Sometimes its a phase, other times it may be personality or even how they are raised. Don’t point fingers at moms until you become one and understand the challenges unique to each parent and child.
He got better after I started paying more attention to him. He was screaming because he wanted attention since everyone would just go Awww at the other baby. I guess he was feeling left out and frustrated.
His mother does the best that she can especially with a nightmare of a husband she has… but I don’t believe in overstimulating children and definitely would not leave my child with someone that I’ve only met a few hours ago.
also, you think people shouldn’t interfere with other peoples kids yet you think that it takes a village to raise them…??? I’m just a temporary solution. He stopped screaming after I was continuously there. Playing with him, talking to him (despite most of the time he was talking to me in Urdu and I was just going “uh huh”) making sure he was well behaved.
I think that’s far better than any of his relatives that either ignore, avoid or scare him. It definitely is bad parenting on their part. Your child doesn’t just scream because it likes it.
kakee, when I say other people shouldn’t interfere, it means that other people should not think that their methods are better than what the parents do. Doing something like disciplining a child is very easy on a temporary basis but comparatively more difficult when doing it 24/7. The village raising the child means we all are responsible for any children within our house but the ultimate responsibility lies with the parents.
It takes a village because the more exposure a child has to different people, the more he can learn. Humans are social beings, therefore it takes a village. But at the end of the day, the smallest baby will always differentiate between the villagers and his parents. And even between the parents in times of crisis, more often than not, babies chose moms over dads. It is how things are. People interfering with other’s parenting styles should not happen. For example, I would call it interfering if someone offered my child a carbonated drink. He isn’t allowed. There are people in my family and inlaws who allow kids carbonated drinks but none will offer that to my child, partially cos I told those few that it isn’t allowed for my baby. In their minds it is ok, they give it to their kids, but it would be crossing the line if they did it with my kid, however good the intention.
Bad parenting on their part…I don’t know I haven’t seen your household dynamic but while you may be right, let me say again it is very difficult to raise a kid amongst multiple adults if all adults are not on the same page. If even one adult in a joint family system allows a kid some degree of leniency in discipline, the kid will appeal to that adult and the behavior will run rampant. I’ve seen it happen. Adults need to be on the same page. You are right in spending time with him and all, and doing so in a civilised manner, but I doubt it is the fault of just the mom that he behaves as he does.
Also, kids tend to “show off” in front of newcomers. They are initially shy and then get rowdy and boisterous and want that newcomer to see everything they have and everything they can do.
In addition, the ages 2-3 years are especially difficult I’ve noticed. They don’t call it the terrible twos for nothing.
He will scream at you if the TV is not on and won’t be punished for it.
