Screeching three year old...

[Demilitarize]

Re: Screeching three year old…

@kakee

lol I’m not related to him.

I thought you were as he calls you chachi

[kakee]

Re: Screeching three year old…

@Demilitarize

kakee, when I say other people shouldn’t interfere, it means that other people should not think that their methods are better than what the parents do. Doing something like disciplining a child is very easy on a temporary basis but comparatively more difficult when doing it 24/7. The village raising the child means we all are responsible for any children within our house but the ultimate responsibility lies with the parents.

It takes a village because the more exposure a child has to different people, the more he can learn. Humans are social beings, therefore it takes a village. But at the end of the day, the smallest baby will always differentiate between the villagers and his parents. And even between the parents in times of crisis, more often than not, babies chose moms over dads. It is how things are. People interfering with other’s parenting styles should not happen. For example, I would call it interfering if someone offered my child a carbonated drink. He isn’t allowed. There are people in my family and inlaws who allow kids carbonated drinks but none will offer that to my child, partially cos I told those few that it isn’t allowed for my baby. In their minds it is ok, they give it to their kids, but it would be crossing the line if they did it with my kid, however good the intention.

Bad parenting on their part…I don’t know I haven’t seen your household dynamic but while you may be right, let me say again it is very difficult to raise a kid amongst multiple adults if all adults are not on the same page. If even one adult in a joint family system allows a kid some degree of leniency in discipline, the kid will appeal to that adult and the behavior will run rampant. I’ve seen it happen. Adults need to be on the same page. You are right in spending time with him and all, and doing so in a civilised manner, but I doubt it is the fault of just the mom that he behaves as he does.

Also, kids tend to “show off” in front of newcomers. They are initially shy and then get rowdy and boisterous and want that newcomer to see everything they have and everything they can do.

In addition, the ages 2-3 years are especially difficult I’ve noticed. They don’t call it the terrible twos for nothing.

Oh, trust me. The reason why I refuse to live in a joint family household is because I would go mad living in that environment. As I said I’m only a temporary solution. He was good while I was there. He wouldn’t scream or cry. If he did I would tell him to not to and he would stop. Of course, he would stop with my partner as well… but my partner would rather scare them then teach them why they can’t.

They don’t let their children have carbonated drinks either and I think that’s good because I wasn’t allowed it either as a child. In some aspects I agree with that they do… but otherwise not really. Everyone suffers when the child is screaming so rather then ignoring the problem I rather tackle it.

The child only acted up when the mother was around otherwise he was calm even without the TV. He improved by a lot while I was there… but as only one parent is prominent I don’t think it’ll stick.

I am his chachi since I’m getting married to his chachu. Engagements are much more important than they are in Pakistan

[redvelvet]

Re: Screeching three year old…

^Okay if he “acts up” when mom is around, then that could mean he desires attention from her. Some parents (yes, even nom-desi ones) let the child scream and cry because they believe eventually he’ll get tired of it and stop because he’ll see that such a response won’t get him what he wants and is not the best or desired method of communication the parents want from the child. The parents think that with time, the child will stop using this method of communication (crying) when he sees it ain’t workin’. It’s similar to the stance that babies should not be held each time they cry or they get user to it and will expect being held by the parent.

[kakee]

Re: Screeching three year old…

@redvelvet

^Okay if he “acts up” when mom is around, then that could mean he desires attention from her. Some parents (yes, even nom-desi ones) let the child scream and cry because they believe eventually he’ll get tired of it and stop because he’ll see that such a response won’t get him what he wants and is not the best or desired method of communication the parents want from the child. The parents think that with time, the child will stop using this method of communication (crying) when he sees it ain’t workin’. It’s similar to the stance that babies should not be held each time they cry or they get user to it and will expect being held by the parent.

lol… I wish that was what she was doing. xD He acts up wayyy more because he knows if he does she will let him watch TV. She won’t play with him. He runs around and plays games, but unfortunately no one will play with him.
At least with me he played by rules. If he didn’t share I would go away. If he screamed I would go away. It taught him to learn how to share and play nicely instead of screaming all the time.
He’s a good kid. Faarrrr better than some others I’ve seen.

And please don’t make this into a desi/non-desi thing. There are terrible mothers/parents/children everywhere. I was raised a certain way and my cousins were raised differently.

It’s child neglect. Simple as that. Just because you give into everything your child wants doesn’t make you a good parent.

[redvelvet]

Re: Screeching three year old…

^Huh? I never confined the phenomenon of poor parenting to any particular race. I emphasized it wasn’t.

[kakee]

Re: Screeching three year old…

@redvelvet

^Huh? I never confined the phenomenon of poor parenting to any particular race. I emphasized it wasn’t.

by mentioning it you are making it into a thing.

[redvelvet]

Re: Screeching three year old…

Hmmm..maybe you’re right. I just didnt want u to have a poor opinion of desi parenting even if the only examples you’ve seen thus far have been worrying

[kakee]

Re: Screeching three year old…

@redvelvet

Hmmm..maybe you’re right. I just didnt want u to have a poor opinion of desi parenting even if the only examples you’ve seen thus far have been worrying

I don’t think of it as a desi thing though. I’ve seen kids from good families turn into horrible people and visa versa. I think the problem is they aren’t really exposed to other methods of parenting.
I mean I’ll probably be the only one not having kids while my inlaws and my partners cousins will be popping out babies… but since I’m in the habit of googling solutions for stuff… which is what I did to deal with the child. I try to give that info to others around me as well.

From how to remove your nail polish to storing food… not everyone reads books on how to raise children, or uses google… some people don’t even have those mommy groups that people in the west have…

Of course, I don’t have first hand experience. and thank god for that. I rather be the aunty rather than the full time parent that has to deal with the monsters 24/7. and when the time comes when I have a child I’m grateful that my partner will be present and not just be the sperm donor.

[Sasha21]

Re: Screeching three year old…

I’m wondering why u call ur fiancé ur partner.