I had this discussion with a friend recently. let’s say you were happily engaged to a person and totally in love. Shortly before the wedding, that person becomes involved in a serious accident and ends up as a paraplegic, with no chance of walking or having children as long as they live. Would you still marry that person?
I know all of u are gonna start thinking like they do in the movies where the guy ends up marrying the woman.(Especially in hindi movies!)
But life's not a movie...
So I'd say...HELL NO!.....
Sure..I loved her...but she won't be the same person I loved after the accident,mentally and physcially...harsh..but it's life...
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*Originally posted by The new COOLDUDE: *
So I'd say...HELL NO!.....
Sure..I loved her...but she won't be the same person I loved after the accident,mentally and physcially...harsh..but it's life...
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Let's add another scenario. Let's say a week after the wedding, your spouse becomes a paraplegic for the rest of their life. What would you do?
^a divorce is in order.....
(yes,everyone can hate me now)
^^ to love and cherish, till death do us apart???
I dont wanna sound cliche or something, but i think most of us will stay with him/her/it (fill in whatever you prefer) 
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*Originally posted by Faisal: *
^^ to love and cherish, till death do us apart???
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Faisal bhai,yes yes all that baloney,if everyone actually believed that NO marriage would end up in a divorce.
Besides even if I did stay married,how do u expect things to work out?
It would just lead to an extra-marital affair and end up in a divorce anyway..why not just save all the crap...:)
I know a female relative who is still young and good looking, is married to a guy who broke his right leg in an accident after a year of their (arranged) marriage(they didn't even have a kid yet) - they're still together and seem happy. I think IF she could live with him then I can too. How can you leave someone you were once deeply in love with?? I think I would love my guy more if something like this happens to him. I don't think I can move onto my life after making someone's life miserable because I never forget things(I have a sharp memory) and I know if I did anything like this, I will always feel guilty - worst thing that can ever happen to me!!
People are selfish and out for their own good; I'm not surprised by Cooldude's answer. We appreciate your honesty, however brutal it maybe.
I'd stick it through with my wife.
Cooldude... instead of six days, what about 30 years? Lets say 30 years after the marriage, you or your spouse get into a life-threatening illness. There is no cure. Will you leave her, or do you expect her to leave you at that point? What if you become paraplegic at that time. Do you think she will leave you?
You may say, "hey, 30 years is a long time. If I have stuck with her that long, I have a reasonable expectation, that the two of us will stay together for the rest of our lives, despite any life-threatening illness."
So the question is where do you draw the line in the sand, whenyou say, if I have spent this much time with my spouse than I will not leave her. Presumably, it will be somewhere between 6 days and 30 years. Think of a reasonable answer. :)
Well, If anything like this happens to my life partner (whom I suppose I love a lot) after my marriage, I would definitely stick by him. Even if I happen to be a non-beliver and have no fear of hell, I do believe what we give in this world always comes back to us. Love doesn't just mean sharing happiness, it means being there for the person through his/her bad times too.
If it was to happen b4 marriage, then I wud think over the situation, if I wud find myself capable enough to look after him and support the family( me, him and any dependants ) financially, I wud go ahead and marry him. But, if I find it too much to handle .. like in case I am jobless .. or with a job where I won't have much time for his care .. I wud rather not marry him.
:)
oh well I have seen this happening in reality... my mamoN's best friend was nikahified to a grl who happened to be his cousin too but a month before rukhsati a grl went through an accident and doctors ended up removing her ovaries...declaring that she could never become mother in her life...it was amazingly pleasant to know that guy still insisted for rukhsati after six months of an accident even though his parents wanted him to divorce her because he was the only child boy and there was no possibility to have kids. Mashallah they are happily married now and planning to adopt a kid in near future.
I guess its hard to make a choice but goodness still lies around in different forms. :)
Yes.
Yes, well I think I would.
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*Originally posted by Faisal: *
Cooldude... instead of six days, what about 30 years? Lets say 30 years after the marriage, you or your spouse get into a life-threatening illness. There is no cure. Will you leave her, or do you expect her to leave you at that point? What if you become paraplegic at that time. Do you think she will leave you?
You may say, "hey, 30 years is a long time. If I have stuck with her that long, I have a reasonable expectation, that the two of us will stay together for the rest of our lives, despite any life-threatening illness."
So the question is where do you draw the line in the sand, whenyou say, if I have spent this much time with my spouse than I will not leave her. Presumably, it will be somewhere between 6 days and 30 years. Think of a reasonable answer. :)
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Faisal bhai, the whole "scenario" changes if it was 30 years,I couldn't even think of leaving her after that much time (besides from the fact I'll be in my late fifties) just doesn't seem right.
But if an incident like that happens after 6 days of marriage,at tht point I know I can still change my life and it doesn't have to be this way.
People,honestly,u marry a person like that,won't the desire of having another man/woman be there?...
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*Originally posted by Fret Wizard: *
Let's add another scenario. Let's say a week after the wedding, your spouse becomes a paraplegic for the rest of their life. What would you do?
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Stay married to her, but look into getting a second wife. (Even if just done under Islamic law rather than Law of the Land.)
Interesting responses. Thanks everyone. I think it's easy to give answers not being in that particular situation. I'm sure many people would react differently if they were going through it. Eventually, having a paraplegic spouse will take it's toll on a person, and eventually the desire for another will arise. Mad Scientist had an interesting response, and a pretty good option to the given scenario, saying that he would marry a second wife. However, if the husband is the paraplegic one in the relationship, it wouldn't be possible for the woman to marry again while being married to the Paraplegic.
i would stay with him...
... my dad was in a similar situation last year when my mama was in a life threatening accident... regardless of what she looked like.. and he knew she would never look the same again, his love didnt die... it prob grew even stronger..
we can say all sorts of things but when it actually happens... you dont know ur own capabilities..
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*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
i would stay with him...
... my dad was in a similar situation last year when my mama was in a life threatening accident... regardless of what she looked like.. and he knew she would never look the same again, his love didnt die... it prob grew even stronger..
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That isn't a similar situation. I'm talking about right before marriage, or soon after marriage. Not 30 years down the road.
Re: Scenario
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*Originally posted by Fret Wizard: *
I had this discussion with a friend recently. let's say you were happily engaged to a person and totally in love. Shortly before the wedding, that person becomes involved in a serious accident and ends up as a paraplegic, with no chance of walking or having children as long as they live. Would you still marry that person?
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If you love that person,and want to really really marry him,then sure you'd stay with him.Personally I think I would.To leave them at a time when they need you...well it shows how shallow your feelings were.So even if I didnt love him all that much,but everything was decided ,I'd stick with it.To run away would be in my eyes -a disgrace,and an act of weakness.