Re: Same name
I don't even have a problem with not marrying someone who has the same name as you. After all it's an arranged marriage and same name is kinda weird to some extent. What bothers me is that they have balls to ask for his younger brother. It makes me feel like I am just a piece of meat
Re: Same name
there was a wedding in our community recently where the guy and the girl had the exact same first name (spelled differently)…it was very cute seeing the double monogram they came up way, I believe the girl is keeping her maiden name/last name, which is in line with Islamic practice anyway…i don’t see why this should be an issue and honestly it sounds a little shallow to reject someone just because of the name…and then to ask for the other brother!!! even weirder, imo.
Lauren Bush (granddaughter of George H. Bush and niece of George W) married Ralph Lauren’s son David Lauren, and guess what…her name is now Lauren Lauren, so she goes by Lauren Bush Lauren 
It’s just a name and if it bothers her so much, why doesn’t she just change hers considering she’s the one with the issue? If it bothers them both and neither of them are happy they have the same name and neither are willing to change it, move on and find someone who doesn’t have the same name. And at the end of the day, she can always come up with a nickname for him and just use that in the future. If not, move on and find someone else.
Re: Same name
Pisiform, it does seem like the kids are just seen as a commodity in a situation like that imo.. “Don’t like the one? Just take the other”
It reminds me a bit of that tradition of a widow being passed on to her husband’s brother after he’s died as well..
Re: Same name
It's totally weird and funny and will lead to silly confusions.
But there's nothing wrong. It's HARD to find a decent person to be your spouse. If you found one, don't give him up for trivial reasons.
Re: Same name
If it bothers her then it is a big deal.
Re: Same name
Hmm I am surprised that people don't think it's strange.
It's not about them calling each other by name. I agree people can have pet names etc.
Imagine introducing yourself to people: 'Hi my name is Sabah and this is my husband Sabah'
Or when your families or friends are talking about you... which Sabah do you mean (male or female?)
In fact this happened at their meeting where someone said ' Do you want some tea Sabah?' and the female replied even though question was really addressed to the male one.
Yeah it's not the end of the world, I agree, but I do think it is going to be very odd to have the same name!
it won't look odd. it would look different and exclusive. its just the way one think.
And about introducing each other to others, the guy can introduce her as "Zoja muhturma" and girl can introduce him as "Sartaaj" :D
Re: Same name
Thanks all for your input.
The name thing is troubling to them both. You might not think it's an issue fair enough but nobody can change how they feel just like I couldn't persuade you to marry someone who you found something objectionable about which I thought was trivial (whatever it was looks, height, intelligence, humor etc etc). Each person is different. What bothers you about someone might not bother her and vice versa.
The question was really about whether its ok to suggest it for the brother instead. Some people seem horrified by this. I don't think it's that shocking. It's an ARRANGED marriage which like it or not is a very superficial process. It's not omg Im in love with you and want to be with you no matter what. That stuff develops after. So no I don't think it's that harsh like some people are suggesting. People get rejected all the time for being too short, too dark, too fat.
As for people saying plenty more fish in the sea unfortunately that's not the case. For various reasons which I can't be bothered to go into there are a limited number of suitable rishtas available and she has been looking for some years.
Anyway the general consensus seems to be it's not acceptable to suggest it for the brother. I will let her know!
Re: Same name
Personally speaking I find it odd that your cousin is making it seem like such a big deal. If she met a great guy who was everything she was looking for and he just so happened to have the same name would she have left him? I think because it's arranged, shes not giving the guy a chance. It's not his fault both have the same name. Look for a rishta elsewhere. I think it can get awkward, what if the older brother started to develop feelings for her/ likes her? Whenever the older brother gets married his wife may feel insecure. The younger brother could feel insecure too. Thats just asking for drama.
Re: Same name
The name thing is troubling to them both.
**Look, OP. If the name thing is troubling BOTH of them....then I think maybe they BOTH don't like each other enough to look past this issue. You said that the girl likes everything about the guy. If she really likes him, then she should be able to look past this "non-issue." Same thing with the guy....if he is happy with everything else about her then he shouldn't be overwhelmed by the name. So, the only think I can think of is that perhaps they don't "like" or "approve" of each other enough then.
You know what is "worse" than marrying someone who has the same name as you? It would be marrying someone who has the same name as your sibking or parent...cuz that may seem like "mental incest" to some folks. But guess what? There are folks out there who can look past the fact that a potential candidate has the same name as an immediate family member. I have a cousin who is considering marriage to a guy whose sister has the same name as her. The other day she was teasing him about that and he was like "Shadi se pehlay everyone is bhai behn in our culture." Why don't you discuss this perspective with your friend and maybe....Just maybe....she'll agree that having the same name as her husband is not the worst thing. People use nicks and abbreviations for their names all the time. It's not uncommon. In some Desi families, a completely new name is given to the girl. This can be worked around.....if both parties like each enough to look past it. **
The question was really about whether its ok to suggest it for the brother instead. Some people seem horrified by this. I don't think it's that shocking. It's an ARRANGED marriage which like it or not is a very superficial process. It's not omg Im in love with you and want to be with you no matter what. That stuff develops after. So no I don't think it's that harsh like some people are suggesting. People get rejected all the time for being too short, too dark, too fat.
**You are getting very, very defensive ....almost as though this dilem,a is about you and not your friend. Okay let me explain to you why people are concerned about passing in the offer to his younger brother:
1) You said they both like each other. If let's say the other brother accepts....then he might wonder "My brother was her first choice, does she still like him more than me? Is he better than me? If the name was different, would she have gone for him? Does she secretly wish he had a different name?"
2) The rejected brother might think " Ab yeh meri bhabi hai....at one time she may have been my wife?" It may arouse feelings of jealousy and awkwardness.
***** IF this had been a situation where your friend had not met the guys yet and she had not already expressed a "preference"....then I think that it's "fair and fine" for the her rishta to be offered to 2 brothers simultaneously and for her to consider 2 brothers at the same time. I don't see anything wrong with that. But ....after expressing an interest in one party....it becomes slightly "tricky" to change ur mind and go for a sibling. Not saying that it can't be done...it's just trickier. **
As for people saying plenty more fish in the sea unfortunately that's not the case. For various reasons which I can't be bothered to go into there are a limited number of suitable rishtas available and she has been looking for some years.
*Don't share those reasons, then. But do talk to your friend about overlooking the name. If she still can't do it.......then because she is already having a hard time finding rishtas......she can consider the brother. I may bet egged for suggesting this......But if the guy himself DOES NOT like her "ENOUGH" to overlook her name....then that means he doesn't like her enough. If a guy likes a girl.....YES, even in ARRANGED setting.....if he likes her enough and if he BELIEVES that she is the one for him.....he'll move mountains to marry her. He'll not only put forth his best effort to convince his parents.....he will also look past any "flaws" he sees in the girl. He will also try his best yo convince the girl to marry him no matter what 'obstacles' lie in their paths. Since this guy is not doing that......then I assume he is not that crazy about her....And that maybe he himself will be "okay" with his brother considering the girl. *
Anyway the general consensus seems to be it's not acceptable to suggest it for the brother. I will let her know!
So my suggestion is that you first try to convince ur friend to overlook. If not, then have her family talk to the guy's parents about the considering the brother...as tactfully as possible. If it works...Alhumdolillah. If it doesn't work...Alhumdolillah. She should prepare herself for the possibility that the idea may be rejected. But at least she won't be left wondering. People are able to accept a rishta of their deceased spouse's sibling. There are all kinds of scenarios in the world and everyone differs in what they can handle or not. Rishtas that we would never consider entering are being managed successfully by others. So, she can try it but tread with tact as it's a more delicate situation. And whatever Allah wills and knows to be best for her will happen.
Re: Same name
marry them and then have nick name.
for nick names, add ia or ya at the end of the name for girl and add a for guy.
for example name "boot".
guy = boota
girl = bootia
Re: Same name
Red velvet yeah they aren't "crazy" about each other. Their families met once and they spoke very briefly. Unfortunately head over heels love at first sight doesn't happen to everyone on their first encounter! I've tried convincing her the name thing is fine (even though I know if it was me I would find it so hard) and in fact it's through all of her family pushing her and saying no it's ok she agreed to meet them but this continues to bother her. I don't know why people here don't seem to understand though you can't change how a person feels.
Re: Same name
The question was really about whether its ok to suggest it for the brother instead. Some people seem horrified by this. I don't think it's that shocking. It's an ARRANGED marriage which like it or not is a very superficial process. It's not omg Im in love with you and want to be with you no matter what. That stuff develops after. So no I don't think it's that harsh like some people are suggesting. People get rejected all the time for being too short, too dark, too fat.
Yes, people get rejected all the time but it's a little easier to get over if you're not going to be running into the person who rejected you on a regular basis because they chose your brother or sister..
Re: Same name
Most families do not like to switch one sibling for the other for rishta. Most cases I know of where it happened, families have out right rejected if one family asked for rishta of younger or older one, instead of originally intended person. If thats what you like to know.
Personally, I think its inappropriate, however, it has happened in some cases.
Re: Same name
Yes, people get rejected all the time but it's a little easier to get over if you're not going to be running into the person who rejected you on a regular basis because they chose your brother or sister..
Exactly. Imagine the tana the husband can give to the wife, "you rejected my brother based on his name, kya pata tum mujhe kis wajah say reject kar deti. You're so fickle and superficial, blah blah".
And if this rishta did pop up, then another one, with another name (hopefully) can pop up too. There is no reason to over complicate an already complicated situation. It just seems like the girl isn't too keen on getting married at this point and is blowing something out of proportion.
Re: Same name
Worry about name if/when rishta talks progress further.
My husband has a girl cos named Gulzar, her husband is also named Gulzar
Another couple , both husband and wife have the name Tanveer.
Both couples live in the US of A.
Re: Same name
^Guys it's not only the girl who can't overlook the name. The guy himself ALSO can't look past it. Op had said they both find it weird. So...hypothetically...if her parents do ask about younger brother...it would be hypocritical of him to think/say that "You rejected my brother cuz of his name, so you can reject me too for some seeming trivial reason".....because his older brother is also "guilty" of doing the same thing.
I understand that the proposition this girl's family is contemplating still carries potential for awkwardness......but the above argument would lose some validity since older bro can't get past it either. Plus, OP said that nobody except the parents think it's not a big deal. This would imply that younger brother might also find the "same name" thing to be something that can't be dismissed.
Tadaaa:
Thanks all for your input.
The name thing is troubling to them both. !
And...
I doubt it. Neithe rof them are willing to change their name. And from what I see of them they aren't the type that would like being called Abu X and Umme X. Anyway both are uncomfrtable about the name thing (not just the girl). It's only parents that think it might be ok.
Re: Same name
Worry about name if/when rishta talks progress further.
My husband has a girl cos named Gulzar, her husband is also named Gulzar
Another couple , both husband and wife have the name Tanveer.
Both couples live in the US of A.
on GS we have a tanveer who is a man but behaves like a woman. now i vunder..
Re: Same name
Would the kids be called Sabah Jr?
Re: Same name
Also, another thing to consider is that there is a possibility that the younger brother might find it strange to marry a girl with the same name as his older brother. Of course you won't know for sure unless you ask him...but as I said earlier...some folks get weirded out about that as well.