My devar is getting married and my husband is wondering how much should we give in Salaami to his bride. My MIL (his mom) said 50k rupees and we were like OMG!! Isn’t that too much? My husband is the eldest… so how much is the usual salaami?
Oh and question No. 2 … the bride’s side has given joraas to all of us, the immediate family members so are we supposed to do the same and give joraas to the bride’s side? Is that the norm or does only the bride’s side give joraas and we just do the baree thing?
**mubaarak...Allah kare joRii salaamat rahe taa qayaamat aur har jaaiz Khushi unke ghar aangan men utre...aameen
he's has to worry more about what he gives with love and according to need. he is the eldest so he's has extra responsibilty to make sure parents are not under undue duress due to this wedding...if u can afford, u should feel good about giving even more [not for muNh dikhaayii / salaamii] towards the cost of the wedding. i know, these days costs are unnecessarily going thru the roof for insane reason of status. remember one thing...Allah doesn't like either extravagance or being scrooge...median path is always recommended...darmiyaana ravii is the best :)**
In our family we give salami in the form of gold not in cash. My hubby is the eldest son in his family. I have only one devar, when he got married we gave his wife a gold set weigh 3 tolay. So it depends on the position, what ever is given depends upon the affordability.
In my wedding we gave suits to all members of my hubby's family and they gave dress to my family too. But there is no hard and fast rule, it depends on family customs. If in your family there is trend to give suits follow the rule other wise not necessary.
It really depends on what traditions both sides follow.
Just like brides side have given clothes to your immediate family, you can do the same for them, thats what we do in my family.
For salami just give what you can afford ( like other members of family )
50k is over the top, maybe 10k is reasonable (give 5k each to both) also because its your hubby bro wedding you can put a chain/bracelet as a gift from u both.
But there is no set rule on these things
its entirely upto you on what you can afford.
Usually there is some gold present in the form of moonh dikhai when the bride is brought to susral and then some cash salaami on reception/walima.. You can plan on getting some earrings or ring plus 5-10k cash..depending on what you can manage to do
Instead of gold, you can also give her a nice diamond pendant set or something with precious stones. A friend of mine did that with her devrani, gave her a beautiful sapphire pendant and bracelet which the bride loved since it was her birthstone. Try Macys or Kohls, they have nice jewelry. With all the holiday sales going on, I'm sure you'll find a good deal, look for coupons, etc. As for salami, 5-10k sounds good.
I didn’t get anything on my wedding from my devars Khair, don’t care about that since they were not working at that time. I just want to keep it sane and not go insane since we’re not really money-minting machines as everyone seems to think so
Pareezay, thats a great idea… thank you :). Gold rates are crazy in Pakistan and we’re already contributing to the wedding, my hubby sent 5000 dollars to my MIL for kapray waghaira and other wedding-related kharchaas so 50k cash in salaami kind of blew my mind . I’ll go get some nice bracelet or pendant from Macy’s and probably give her 10k rupees cash alongwith the jewelry from us.
Oh and question No. 2 .... the bride's side has given joraas to all of us, the immediate family members so are we supposed to do the same and give joraas to the bride's side? Is that the norm or does only the bride's side give joraas and we just do the baree thing?
Well it would obviously be very kind of you to give them gifts too. After all, the larki walay always load the guys side up with gifts (gold, perfumes, clothes, etc.), but I guess it depends on your family.
It really irks the hell out of me when the larkay walay don't give a damn thing to the girl's family yet have no problem accepting all these gifts cause they believe that's their 'right'. Like at least appreciate it and be grateful for what you received if you aren't going to give anything to them in return.
I have a question ... how much salami does the groom usually receive from his in-laws?
^ I personally would prefer to give a bracelet or a stones necklace and MAYBE max 5000rs salaami (would skip that definitely :D ) if my husband had already sent 5000$ for the wedding. koi kuch pooch kar tau dekhay :ASA:
I know that in my husband's family some give gold jewellery while some give money. We choose some nice jewellery or a decent watch as salami. If you give money than ppl are likley to make comparisons between each amount in every wedding in the future.
A gift chosen with care is better in my opinion bcos at least some thought has gone into it.
@ Mehnaz... yeah I know. My MIL actually told me that they have sent joraas for everyone and my husband asked her have you gotten joraas for them, to which she replied kay humaaray haan larkay walay nahin daitay which I found odd hence I asked here. I'll try to hint that we should give too :) At my wedding mt parents gave them all joraas (no other stuff though) but my family didn't get anything so maybe its high time we changed the riwaaj :) and did it both ways.
@ RupayHalwa: That makes a lot of sense.... thanks a lot, I'll stick with just a gift then :D
50,000 rupees is around 650 dollars. If mA your husband has sent 5000 dollars to contribute towards the wedding then another 650 shouldn't be a problem. However you said you are going to give jewellery too with the salami then I think 650 is a bit too much.
*best option yehi hay gold ki ring or gold earings de dein jo k un k pass rahein gay per aise ear rings hon jo k woh aam dino main pehan sakein becuz aam halat main brides k ehavy jhumkas hote hayn so jo gahr epr nahi pehanti amuman bride sath alag earings nahi alti jo baad main behan sake to best gift bataur e salami bride k liye rahay ga Gold earings or gold ring ya phir wohi cash :) *
50,000 rupees is around 650 dollars. If mA your husband has sent 5000 dollars to contribute towards the wedding then another 650 shouldn't be a problem. However you said you are going to give jewellery too with the salami then I think 650 is a bit too much.
Damn girl!.....i didnt like that part wer u said another 650 shudnt be a problem (how do u know that?) 5000 is alot of money already and another 650 on top of that is ridiculous(ppl living abroad are not money making machines)....like everyone said 10k max and mayb a gift..... :D
*best option yehi hay gold ki ring or gold earings de dein jo k un k pass rahein gay per aise ear rings hon jo k woh aam dino main pehan sakein becuz aam halat main brides k ehavy jhumkas hote hayn so jo gahr epr nahi pehanti amuman bride sath alag earings nahi alti jo baad main behan sake to best gift bataur e salami bride k liye rahay ga Gold earings or gold ring ya phir wohi cash :) *
y on earth did YOUR hubs send money for clothes etc??? its the devar whos gettin married… shouldnt he be payin for all the expenses of the weddin?? ur job is only to help him monetarily a bit and give his wife a gold set! :S
50,000 rupees is around 650 dollars. If mA your husband has sent 5000 dollars to contribute towards the wedding then another 650 shouldn't be a problem. However you said you are going to give jewellery too with the salami then I think 650 is a bit too much.
yar aisha its not abt how mch it is in dollars. 50,000 is just insane!!!
ok so like u MA i m facin the same prb. my devar is abt to b married and we are gonna buy a gold set for the girl. my devar didnt give me anythin except a ring on my wedding plus some money to help in the weddin expenses. thaz it!! so it really irks me that i, being a jithaani have to give such an expensive gold set for her. is this called salami? givin a gift to ur devrani? it better b cus as it is the gold set is makin me faint, i cannot imagine givin money also!!!
Khair, don’t care about that since they were not working at that time. I just want to keep it sane and not go insane since we’re not really money-minting machines as everyone seems to think so 