Re: Salaam need advice about moving back to pakistan
sorry for the late response, needed to be on a computer and not my mobile to write a detailed response
experience ranged for people. my parents enjoyed it early on as their siblings had all moved back about the same time so having a large family back together in the same city was great. The political situation was tough, they had been gone so long that figuring out the system was a challenge and they were not used to all the corruption, and you have to play it even for basics, e.g. the home phone line will stop working and then you wait for it to get fixed, pay the repair guy some extra and it will get fixed right away otherwise not. And this is just minor stuff.
My dad did well in his career, retiring as CEO of a major pakistan based regional (asia+ africa) engineering firm, however, there were times where because of his work and not bowing under pressure, there was personal danger to us. Educational opportunities were limited, I mean if you were bright like my sis who got into a med school, or my bros who got into top engineering colleges, then you could get a good career locally and not have to move, for dumbasses like me, i had to be sent back abroad, and I chose to go to US rather than back to UK just for a change,ended up staying, but thats a whole different story. My younger bro moved a few years after me. My sister got married and there were kidnap threats on my brother in law, to a point that his families commercial orchards were torched by goons in govt. They moved to US on a very short notice. basically within 2 years of moving, the family was incomplete because i moved, 3 year after that my sister moved, and another year later my younger brother. Then there were threats against us, my youngest brother was in college in a diff city in Pakistan and was instructed not to come back for visits, as were we. It was a tough time. Dad continued to do well professionally, the family that was there though slowly started to move again, career reasons, safety reasons etc. my uncle who had moved from US to pak was kidnapped, before that he was carjacked..stuff that may be sadly normal to people who live there, but it was too much.
In the end, parents were the only ones left in Pakistan, all of us siblings were back in UK or US, and finally my parents moved back to UK as well. safety was one concern, and as they are getting older, being alone meant that any issues in the city and they would be kinda cut off from everything. healthcare was another concern. while quality of care at some hospitals there is great and when you convert costs in dollars and pounds, its very affordable, but still limited. A cousin who had lived abroad until high school days stayed in Pak even though his siblings moved back to UK, he was doing great in his career and then due to needs for his child with aspergers who simply could not get the facilities and therapies he could get in UK, my cousin had to leave a very senior position with a multinational and try and reestablish himself in UK. The point is that many people live through all the limitation and challenges pakistan had, some who have options choose not to, for various reasons, some do. In the end it is your call.
I had a generally positive experience in Pakistan, but as I said, i was in my teens, was there for two years, and knew after the first year that I was going to be moving back out, so I never really developed a bond with the place as many people, including my siblings have. Its for that reason that I have not been back to Pakistan since Jan of 99, as my grandparents passed away, I had no real reason to go, have some relatives there but then I am closer to the relatives i have in UK or US or canada. Those of my cousins that I was close to while in Pak, were all that have moved to Pak from US, or dubai and have all since moved back out. my friends from high school, are mostly all abroad. I dont dislike the place, have fond memories, but it has never been home. So if you dont get warm fuzzies from my view of the place that is the reason.
In hindsight, as the family decided to move out of saudi arabia and were evaluating options of Pakistan or back to UK, with everything I know, it may have been better for us as a family to either move to UK, or for us siblings to move to UK and then for parents to move back there in a few years rather than 2 decades that they spent. But then we all would not be the people we are today from the experiences we had. what other challenges we could have faced instead..who knows.
So think that its not just about you, but your kids future and opportunities and how divided and distant could you be from your kids in the future.
This is where I have seen success, people who have spent a big chunk of their lives in Pakistan, moving abroad for a bit and then moving right back, and with kids who are still young. and, with a strong family network.
people have shared their views on the families living apart, i am opposed to it from what I have seen, we never had to do it, until we started moving away for college but that is a different scenario. Even in my career here, i left consulting work where i had to travel 4 days a week, because I felt that will really impact the home life.
If I were in your place, I would not burn the ships, but plan it out for 2-3 years, figure out city and schools, secure a job or start a business whatever it is that you want, take the family and have them be all set in a way that they are not missing out or falling behind if you do move back. I would set goals and factors you will base your decision to stay or move back. and review it on an ongoing basis.
Look, in the end based on your perspective and your viewpoints, as much as I personally disagree with it, this probably is a good move for you to try out, after weighing all the options, making a planned move, and giving yourself enough time to make a decision to stay or come back.