Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

thanks psyah :@:

much agree Enig, obviously its not being proud of it and all that. but i think its a moment for every one to stop and give it a thought. Those you know its common and find it acceptable as well as those who simply deny it happening at this major a scale.

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

I would second that. The percentage is definitely in the 30 to 50% range if not higher. This is affairs in general, not necessarily all sexual. This based on attitudes in small villages for those who say villages are relatively sheltered.

I would also say that bollywood/pakistani dramas/hormones all contribute in creating a fantasy that pre-marital affairs are not only normal but necessary for a normal person. And while I am at it, I think boys are much more responsible for leading the girls down this path. A large number of girls think its all clean love (drama style) but boys in general have more on their mind.

Please no tamatar/anday! My first mistake posting here.

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

^ and i agree to the word. Just add the usage of cell phone among the teens where family system is stricter usually (this creates frustration and the teens just rush towards the no go area) AND careless/indifferent parents. The later are the one my complaint is basically against. I mean where was the mother when the daughter started dating a boy and then built communication via cell phone and then kept on talking all nights over and then finally packed her bag and eloped. Sleeping beauties, eh?

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

lol…it’s a good post. :k:

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

I've always thought ppl tend to elope as last resort, when they have no other choice (esp in our culture).. If parents know that their son or daughter likes someone instead of being stubborn and saying 'no way are you ever going to end up with him' perhaps they should compromise (eg say 'after you've finished studying you can marry' or let the couple meet as long as others are present).. Extreme measures by parents often seem to result in extreme behaviour from their children.. I honestly can't imagine many Pakistani or Indian girls running away for 'fun.'

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

did I say they do?

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

yeeee haw!

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

^^No.. but imo often the parents are partly to blame for being unreasonable or too strict.. I've never heard of any desi girl or guy running away from home when their parents were fair and balanced..

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

obviously. except if the girl knows her family real better and cannot find it worth while to "talk" about it or confide in her parents, them being too distant mentally and emotionally from her, yes obviously the stubborness on the part of the parents leads to the ultimate janaza of their own honour.

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

I was pretty surprised to hear from my husband all the stuff that goes on in college's over there. The drugs (drinking too, more for the guys) and the casual sex. The junior doctor's playing around with nurses and med students. Mostly coz I couldn't see how people get away with it or doesn't the fear of being found out stop them... but I guess it's a case of turning a blind eye and pretending this stuff isn't happening, which is why it does. My issue with it is that a lot of behaviour seems to stem from peer pressure. I think I remember once reading another poster that living in the west our parents, or we as parents tell the kids that such things are against our religion/culture. Parents may restrict how much you hang out with kids who aren't the same religion etc etc. But this all falls away in Pakistan, I don't really see parents restricting who their kids friends are... and by the time they are over 18, why would you anyway? Yet, this is when the peer pressure seems to get at it's worst... and for the most part kids this age there still seem pretty immature and susceptible to it, analogous with how kids aged 14/15 here act.

Sorry... bit waffly.

Anyway, I get what demi is saying. There is no need for incredulity.

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

Sorry this is off-topic but is it easy to get hold of contraception if you're unmarried in Pakistan?

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

[quote]
There was a time when divorce was unheard of in our society. Now when you hear of someone's engagement breaking, marriage breaking you shrug it off because you've heard of so many others. It's hurtful to hear but there are so many more instances now that you are able to take it in stride compared to how you would have reacted before.
[/quote]

That can't be put in the same category as zina, unless zina caused it. In regards to divorces, I think it is that women are asserting their rights. I have heard that brides these days don't cross out the line in the marriage agreement that gives them the right to divorce.

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

In the early days of Islam divorce held much less stigma.. divorcees were encouraged to remarry etc. We're actually a lot more conservative..

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

certain kinds.. yes. and i hear there is a common practised alternative that doesn't require contraception.

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

You go to your local village buddhi and ask her to cook up some newts eyes and paan to make a concoction to render your un-pregnant-able for a few hours.
or something.

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

Isn't divorce considered bad in islam? About the remarrying part, I think that must be a rub off of indian hindu culture, where wives were supposed to die aka satti for their husbands.

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

Not 'bad' the way we view it.. It's preferable to divorce than stay in a completely loveless marriage in contrast to cultural norms but at the same time it should only be used a last resort eg after counselling or a serious attempt at reconciliation..

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

In a country where you don't need a medical prescription to buy any POM - do you think one cant get hold of contraception :)

even Pan Shops in Pakistan sell Johnny thesedays :)

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

^ there are a lot of OTC drugs available. That isnt the issue

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Re: Saddle up your high horses, Here comes Trouble

over the counter drugs are easily available in Pak...so getting hold of OCPs for unmarried women isnt a problem. Parents are at a loss these days on how to behave with their kids. They cannot define a line that's not too strict or not too liberal.

I also wonder at times what should be the best approach for parents to deal with their school/college going kids. Sending them off to private all girls school never helps because I have seen worse cases in an all girls/boys schools. And also if a girl/boy confides in his/her parents about liking someone or going out with them...how in the world should their parents act? as grounding them or taking away their cell phone might just make them rebellious and they may start doing worse stuff behind their backs. And not doing anything would be a sign of encouragement on their part as well.

Elders before all this prevelant immodesty used to say anything you do that you know you would hide from your parents is wrong. So naturally most children take it this way..yes my mom knows about xyz..so it's all OK!

It's hard raising kids in such times, I must say and kudos to those parents whose kids have grown up to be practical, dependable practising Muslims MA :)