Sad, angry and confuse

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

I want him to learn abt Islam since we are married in 2000. I dont preach abt Islam 24/7 on him. I told him little by little. Today i teach him how recite Bismillah, tomorrow i teach him how to said Alhamdulillah the following week I teach him how to give salam (assalamualaikum). People can change if you give them time but now it's almost 11 yrs!

I dont see any wrong when I'm want to be a good muslim. You should thanks Allah swt because he still give me hidayah to become a good muslimah. :)

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

Dear Mr/Ms Soconfused. I cooked chinese foods at home every day (only for dinner). Just tell me what kind of chinese food I can cook it for you. i learn how to cook their dishes from his father and from him (he used to work at chinese restaurant when he is in Univ). It's same like everyone else, if they eat Pakistani foods at home everyday they want to eat Pakistani foods at restaurant once a while right? They said the taste is different , the environment is different. And abt the moon cake - i can bake it but prob is you can never have the same taste like the one that came from malaysia. Why? because they add their own secret ingredients (lard of course!)

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The first question is if he believes in the articles of faith. Unless you get a real answer for him, it's pointless to make a decision. If he says he doesn't, well then as a Muslim, you know what you're supposed to do. If he does, then he IS a muslim. Yes, slightly uninformed but a muslim, nontheless.
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He text me and saying he did not belives in Allah. He know abt Muhammad is a person that live long long time ago. He said religion like islam is very all abt fear and intimidation.

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Also, I know you guys were "in love" but considering that he's completely fallen off the wagon in terms of practice, how much did he know / practice before?
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I know he learn a lot abt Islam from me because when he had discussion with all of his brothers he will enlighten them as why and why (i.e i can eat pork, wine etc). We also have friend from Lebanon. This guy is Christians but know so much abt Islam, middle east crisis and all. They like to discuss abt what happen in Palestine, the jews and middle east - from here I notice my husband negative view of islam. He try to fasting in month of Ramadhan - first an hours then half days - but at the end he dont like it. He said why should he suffering?

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Unfortunately, this is the risk that you run with marrying a convert. I know some AMAZING converts, mA mA but it's a risk nonetheless. Best of luck to you.
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Yes I know abt the risk - I have few friends that husband is converted. Some turned into good muslim husband and some not. So for those who want to marry a Christians or a Hindu, non believer, jews etc .. pls think abt it 1000 times.

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

No denied here. Agree.

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First and foremost... he wasnt a muslim so why even entertain the thought of getting involved with someone who has literally no understanding of your religion...
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There are so many chinese, indian guy married to a Muslim girl/boy in malaysia. Over there the religion department will make sure you (new converter) attend religion class every saturday. I thought we will living in malaysia but .. anyway past is past.

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I understand he married you ain and converted to Islam, and that is a very very big step... you should have been patient with him...(which you say you have been) but the problem is because he wasnt sincere with Allah swt he isnt sincere with the parameters Islam sets... the start off of this relationship was love and lust and that now is fast coming to an end.... and the end result is in front of you.... you seem really religious so why did you take these steps... especilly when you have been married before and have children.... this should have been thought out very very carefully... what message have you given to your other two kids?
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I did try to find the same religion guy but most of them are married. I dont want to hurts another women heart. My es-husband sister married to Chinese guy too. And they are happy, husband go to Friday prayer etc. My two kids are grown up and soon will have their own family. If they want to marry a non muslim guy/girl i will let them know the pro and con. but since they are in Malaysia I dont think they will facing a prob like me.

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Unfortunately you laid your bed and now lying in it is becoming unbearable for you.... Divorce in islam is disliked by Allah swt but HE has made it an option if and when you have exhausted all other options.... the main problem is your husband DOESNT believe in Allah swt and so how can he follow what Allah swt sets out... to be honest your husband isnt a muslim.... a person who doesnt believe in the existance of Allah swt... even though he has recited the kalma.... cant be a muslim... he has merely recited words that have no meaning to him... he doesnt understand the big commitment he has made to Allah swt... ultimately he is responsible for his actions but it is clear he is not sincere and was never sincere with Islam...

Put all the other issues aside.... and focus on your husband and Islam... religion cant be forced it is something someone pratices of the own free will... and if he cant do that.... well......there is no point being in that relationship.... as for your son....it will do him more harm watching and feeling all the resentment you have towards his father... and what about the other two blessed kids... dont they deserve a happy healthy mum to be bringing them up!!!!!!
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Thank you for your deep message. He also divorce before. He married his first love (a girl next door) but no kid and last only 4 yrs. Not only him, all his brothers also are in their second marriage. When i talks to my two SIL they told me their husband also behave like my husband the only thing is different is they are not Muslim.

Yesterday after dinner I told him we need a talk. unfortunately my son wont go to sleep untill 11 pm! we had to hold the talks to this Saturday. He said he's having the jet lag and not having enough sleep.

Thank you again for your feedback.

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

Umm so I'm still tying to wrap my head around this:talking about Taliban negatively made u see a red flag? I have no problem saying I completely abhor their actions/beliefs as Muslim.

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

yeah that part is kinda weird...

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

^That is exactly what I was wondering. PUH-lease don't tell me you think they are saints and your husband should have similar sentiments?

Also, I'm skimmed through this thread and you seem to be nitpicking on only fractions of actual Islam. When you get so clinical about certain things (moon cake) you make your frustration of his lack of faith even more frustrating...for him. No wonder he's showing no interest in it. Look, if you want him to see your perspective, you have to not make it so hard for him, especially when he pretty much changed every aspect of his life just to marry you!

Try telling him about the Islam you don't hear about in the news and give examples of things like love, woman's rights and respect and tolerance for other religions and people. I am an atheist but even I get very emotional when I read those kinds of things and I find Islam to be a beautiful religion, it just gets misinterpret because people like yourself cling on to the smaller things and don't look at the bigger picture of Islam as a religion of tolerance, respect, love and peace. I think you need to change your outlook on your faith and also appreciate his sacrifices as well.

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

Did I say that? Did my husband complaint abt Taliban? care to show me where?

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

He gave his negative comment abt the suicide boomer in Palestine. He said just because the Palestinians believe the land belong to them it doesn't make it right for them to keep killing innocents people. I told them if one day his race took over Malaysian govt the same thing will happen. Why/ because when you been opposed, denied of your rights etc - you will fights back. He said oh no .. we are not like Muslim who follow a thousand hundred old book in their life. He said we chinese only think abt making money and not about who is holier than us.

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Also, I'm skimmed through this thread and you seem to be nitpicking on only fractions of actual Islam. When you get so clinical about certain things (moon cake) you make your frustration of his lack of faith even more frustrating...for him. No wonder he's showing no interest in it. Look, if you want him to see your perspective, you have to not make it so hard for him, especially when he pretty much changed every aspect of his life just to marry you!
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Since you skipped some of my post it's no point for me to explain more.

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Try telling him about the Islam you don't hear about in the news and give examples of things like love, woman's rights and respect and tolerance for other religions and people.
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I know there is no compulsion in religion. But it's my duty to tell him the wrong and the right. To show him the guide line that I and him should follow as a muslim. What we called that? dakwah? pls stop assuming I do "preaching" and "forcing" in this case. As I said earlier I teach him the basic things little by little day by day.

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I am an atheist but even I get very emotional when I read those kinds of things and I find Islam to be a beautiful religion, it just gets misinterpret because people like yourself cling on to the smaller things and don't look at the bigger picture of Islam as a religion of tolerance, respect, love and peace. I think you need to change your outlook on your faith and also appreciate his sacrifices as well.
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That's why you should not skipped my post - I told earlier he went to the graveyard to performing the prayer on ghost fastival. Do you know what is "ghost fastival" is? let me explain - on this day, the chinese (with their kids) will go to their grandfather grave - they will put all kinds of delicious foods next to the grave. They will make a pray - ask the dead to protect them, to bless them etc. Do you think that is right in Islam? Also when you have a newborn they want you to perform prayer to their ancestor - burn the skinny stick and you have to bow to the red wood that have your family name on it. Is that right in Islam? That called syirik! Since you are atheist I dont think you know abt this.

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

Yesterday, someone hit his car from behind. Today he is busy doing police report and such. My sisters in law keep asking me how things? He bought few gift for me from Harold's - I told him I dont think he's buying all the stuff for me because I dont drink tea, I dont drink coffee (yea yea some of you will happily said "oh I wish your husband will find a better women because you are so ungrateful!'

Is is okay :)

Later he said "actually I want to bring the tea to the office but since I heard they will be merging with a British co .. I dont want to bring it over"

Ain <-- i knew it!

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

why did he marry you??? i think you should put aside your religion and find this out? really ...

Re: Sad, angry and confuse

maybe he felt insulted by your unappreciative attitude over his gift so he covered his butt by making an excuse?