Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
and why a man becomes sandwitch between mother and wife.?
and who is responsible for this issue?
Plz debate on this issue…
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
A woman who proves herself a kind, understanding and sincere baho today possesses the capability of proving herself a kind, understanding and sincere saas tomorrow.
and vice versa
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
I think such things happen when moms become possessive of their sons.They perhaps don't like to see the bahu completely taking over their sons.
waterfall99! lekin aesa to bahu k end se bhi ho sakta hai.
:)
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
I think a guy should be caring towards both of them,his mom and his wife,then there wouldn't be any disputes.
yes waterfall99! but saas bahu ki siasat ka kia kia jaey jisay istemaal kr k wo mardon ko apni taraf honay per majboor krti hn?
:)
aur baaz auqat to mard ko dono ki siasaton ka pata hi nahi chalta
:)
A "man" never becomes a sandwich, a mama's boy wud side with his mother..a joru ka ghulam wud side with the wife!
but if a man is rational, to sandwich bn giya na? kis ka sath day aur kis ki mukhalifat?
:)
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
Lekin saas bhi kabhi bahu thi! Aur unko ye baat samajhni chahiye hai! Just kidding...lol.
I dont think men should get married until they're ready and capable of handling two women in their lives playing major roles...that of wife and mother.
Some mothers marry their sons off thinking its time but its really not. There will be issues between a MIL and DIL, its a given! Unless both are willing to work things out on their own but that seldom happens. Each has their own place in the man's life but the trouble starts when one starts to interfere with the other's roles and the son doesnt stop it.
IMO, DIL cannot do much because she is not her MIL's child. If she makes a mistake, its unlikely MIL will forgive her easily...but she WILL forgive her son. If the guy acts like a buffer and simply makes sure no one is being trampled on, all will be well. The man refuses to be a strong figure between the two women and as a result, they fight.
I dont think its that hard but then Im not married yet...all Ive seen is my MIL's good side. Inshallah it will stay that way. :)
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
My Saas is so lucky because she never had a Saas. I envy her always. Hehe! :)
Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
and why a man becomes sandwitch between mother and wife.?
and who is responsible for this issue?
Plz debate on this issue......
:)
A Saas cannot accept when there is another woman in her Son's life who the Son gives full attention too. Its weird but its all jealousy!
I think an intelligent husband will let both the leading ladies in his life i.e mother and wife deal with their issues themselves , communication is key ...
also , wives shouldnt forget if they want their husbands to respect her parents as he would his own... then she will have to respect his parents and lead the way ...
Most husbands think its only the girl who has the responsibility of respecting everyone ... the fact is both the husband and the wife get lucky and get two sets of parents and both have to make equal efforts to accept their new parents and not make it an issue if either set of parents say something or daantain ...
and lastly, most MIL's forget they should treat the DIL as she would like her daughter to be treated by her inlaws !
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
My wife and mother always support each others (mashaAllah) so, if one of them disagrees with me the other takes her side, while my MIL always takes my side. From nature and way of thinking people think I should have been the son of my MIL and my wife should have been the daughter of my mom. Alhamdulillah, we all do have a good understanding, by the grace and mercy of Allah (Swt).
Saas bahu fights are more exaggerated on TV dramas, while in reality it is not that big problem (with exception of some cases) IMHO which can be wrong.
Sometimes the guilty party is the mother-in-law and other times it's can be the daughter-in-law.
Although most mothers want to see their sons well settled with a family of their own, some of them become insecure and jealous at the the thought of a bahu stealing their son away from them. She fears that her son won't need her anymore or won't pay much attention to her as his time is going to be consumed with this wife. She wants to feel needed and in control and fears her position being undermined in a way.
Basically all three parties (including the husband/son) need to understand that a mother and a wife are TWO DIFFERENT relationships that CANNOT be compared. The needs and demands of both these relationships are DIFFERENT. And both the relationships have a unique and special place in the guy's life and one cannot replace the other.
A MIL needs to understand that a girl is giving up the comfort of her own family and home to come marry her son and adjust to his way of life. She needs to understand that adjusting to a different environment and molding yourself to this new environment is CHALLENGING and STRESSFUL for most girls. And therefore the bahu needs a lot of support and encouragement from her in-laws to make this transition as smoothly as possible. It amazes me when a mother-in-law is unjust to her bahu....it's like she doesn't seem to remember how hard it must have been for her when she got married ages ago....and if she has daughters of her own, then she needs to contemplate how SHE would feel if her OWN daughters were treated like crap in their marital homes.
Bahus need to understand that a MIL could be behaving like a monster out of insecurity and that keeping the husband on "her side" is not going to help things at all. Rather she should show the MIL that she's not a threat and is not out to steal her son. She should try to spend time and bond with her MIL. This can be done by cooking together, talkig together, shopping, helping with chores, little kindnesses here and there (such as giving gifts can help).
And it's good for both parties to overlook each others small mistakes or forgetfulnesses rather than analyze them to the point that they become a source of contention for the whole household.
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
Redvelvet, very ture. I have seen mothers trying to break families of newly wed sons if the son takes care of wife well. Even taking help of black magic, taweez, etc.
I think a guy should be caring towards both of them,his mom and his wife,then there wouldn't be any disputes.
no..thats on it, thats a small part of it, the bigger part is that the wife and the mother should behave like mature civilized humans rather than backbiting, scheming, emotionally blackmailing, mind game playing, lying, fact twisting little twerps.
ladies ladies ladies...this saas bahoo haddaya re all your doing, please dont blame men for your own inability to get along with one another.
Thank You
Sometimes the guilty party is the mother-in-law and other times it's can be the daughter-in-law.
In either case BECHARA guy is a victim...
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
Many times the bahu can be a victim as well. Especially if the injustices that are being inflicted on her are cleverly taking place behind the HUSBAND'S back. Some MIL's even treat a bahu nicely in front of her son...........but once he's out of sight........the claws come out.
And I'm not saying that bahus are always innocent. In situations like this....anyone can be the "victim". Sometimes it's the MIL. Sometimes its the bahu. And sometimes its the husband who is stuck between two women. And there have been stories on GS where the bahu hasn't told her husband about his mom's ill behavior to maintain the peace of the house. And one cannot be a "victim" if one is unaware of the situation. But still anyone can become a victim when three people are involved.
I think saas n bahu shouldnot live together,because they both have got chips on their shoulders:)