...Sometimes its the bahu. And sometimes its the husband who is stuck between two women.
In either case BECHARA guy is a victim... :)
Sometimes the guilty party is the mother-in-law and other times it's can be the daughter-in-law.
Although most mothers want to see their sons well settled with a family of their own, some of them become insecure and jealous at the the thought of a bahu stealing their son away from them. She fears that her son won't need her anymore or won't pay much attention to her as his time is going to be consumed with this wife. She wants to feel needed and in control and fears her position being undermined in a way.
Basically all three parties (including the husband/son) need to understand that a mother and a wife are TWO DIFFERENT relationships that CANNOT be compared. The needs and demands of both these relationships are DIFFERENT. And both the relationships have a unique and special place in the guy's life and one cannot replace the other.
A MIL needs to understand that a girl is giving up the comfort of her own family and home to come marry her son and adjust to his way of life. She needs to understand that adjusting to a different environment and molding yourself to this new environment is CHALLENGING and STRESSFUL for most girls. And therefore the bahu needs a lot of support and encouragement from her in-laws to make this transition as smoothly as possible. It amazes me when a mother-in-law is unjust to her bahu....it's like she doesn't seem to remember how hard it must have been for her when she got married ages ago....and if she has daughters of her own, then she needs to contemplate how SHE would feel if her OWN daughters were treated like crap in their marital homes.
Bahus need to understand that a MIL could be behaving like a monster out of insecurity and that keeping the husband on "her side" is not going to help things at all. Rather she should show the MIL that she's not a threat and is not out to steal her son. She should try to spend time and bond with her MIL. This can be done by cooking together, talkig together, shopping, helping with chores, little kindnesses here and there (such as giving gifts can help).
And it's good for both parties to overlook each others small mistakes or forgetfulnesses rather than analyze them to the point that they become a source of contention for the whole household.
Well said! :)
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
^ Thanks Iggle. You yourself have posted many impressive posts that I've read :)
A Saas cannot accept when there is another woman in her Son's life who the Son gives full attention too. Its weird but its all jealousy!
yes,that's what i was trying to say!:)
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
ager saas bahu ko beeti samahaj lai aur bahu ,saas ko maah tou duniya jannat ban jai:@:
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
^ That would be the ideal situation where saas and bahu look at each other as mother and daughter. But ......in most cases nobody will love you as unconditionally or put up with you as well as your real mother/parents.
My friend once said something really wise.....She said that in most relationships you have to prove yourself. You have to prover yourself to your boss. You have yourself worthy of friendship to your friends. You have to prove yourself worthy of the affection of your spouse/significant other. BUT in most cases......your parents (no matter how angry they might be with you).......will not disown you.....they will (for the most part) love you in spite of your flaws because they tend to be naturally wired that way.
A MIL is naturally inclined to support her own son over her bahu. It would take more effort on her part to see a girl (whom she never gave birth to herself) as a daughter. And it will take effort on the bahu's part to see a woman she's never lived with as a mother.
It's hard for people to see others as their moms and daughters. I've even learned that Khalas and phoopos don't always treat their nieces/nephews like their own children and can behave unjustly to them at times. So.....it's just best to respect one another....overlook petty issues as much as possible....and communicate issues in a civil manner.
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
This whole saas-bahu deal is just another proof of the fact that the most dangerous thing for a woman is another woman.
Restores my faith in women’s ability to get along! :k:
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
The dude should never let either of the ladies feel insecure - when with wife, he need not talk/think/do things only about the mom and ignore wifey - and vice versa.
When the two ladies feel secure - it will be a win-win situation *and *they'll get along.
or most dangerous thing for a man is two women. 
Re: Saas vs Bahoo! whats the tussle between them?
RC - 
true said!