Okay I love my mother in law. She is one of the most pious person I have met. She reads Quran everyday, forgives everyone that has said or done anything bad to her, loves my kids and me. I have a great relationship with her even though we have lived very different lives.
She is looking for a daughter in law her younger son. She keeps rejecting girls for him because of looks! She has a fat nose, she is not white enough, she is a little chubby, he eyes are droopy, she is too short - I don’t want grandschildren to be short - (makes my blood boil to a degree when you objectify a person like that)
But I guess you could speak to your husband who could get his brother involved. After all he is the one who is going to be married. Perhaps his input would help your MIL to work things out, thus end this objectification.
Write a poem about the virtues of good action and make sure that you mention it does not matter what you look like as long as the inside is pure of good. Read the poem out to her and ask her what she thinks ...
Alternatively tell her the truth about how you feel ... according to your words ...
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She reads Quran everyday, forgives everyone that has said or done anything bad to her
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so clearly by telling her a good thing is not being bad to her, but it could hurt her ego ... nevertheless "she'll forgive you right?"
Okay I love my mother in law. She is one of the most pious person I have met. She reads Quran everyday, forgives everyone that has said or done anything bad to her, loves my kids and me. I have a great relationship with her even though we have lived very different lives.
She is looking for a daughter in law her younger son. She keeps rejecting girls for him because of looks! She has a fat nose, she is not white enough, she is a little chubby, he eyes are droopy, she is too short - I don't want grandschildren to be short - (makes my blood boil to a degree when you objectify a person like that)
Should I say something to her?
best is just listen and keep quiete otherwise sasaain could send you to hell
u can have a light discussion with ur MIL abt what she values the most inner beauty or out beauty.....u can lead the discussion and tell her how you feel when people judge other people for their apperances and dont value how gud of a person they r from inside..... say u dont understand why people criticise others when they cant even reassemble the things they dislike in other fellow being....cuz they have no power over it....they y criticize....
u have a gud relationship with her so i dont think its gona hurt to have a light discussion over "shaam ki chai" and u can tell her ur feelings only if u see she understands u
just be happy that you met all her standards for looks.. consider yourself very pretty and let her search for the choti bahu..how come your brother in law doesnt say anything in this matter? Perhaps he should tell his mom what is he looking for in terms of looks/character/education etc to make things easy for her!!
Hmmm, she's being quite picky about her doosri bahu. Usually, it's the first one they all go crazy over - then they realise that their first "chaand si bahu" isn't so chaand-like and then when searching again, they are more careful and look for better personality than looks.
So, why is your MIL being soo picky this time? May be you should find that out first - once you understand the reason - it might help you in more ways than one.
if u have good relationship then you can talk about it. if she doesnt welcome your input or you have an inkling that she might not then let her be.not your place to get involved.
just let it go! Let your MIL decide whatever. It’s all about chemistry. Your MIL will stop curbing someone, once she finds a girl to her own satisfaction (beautiful in her eye)… Just like she probably shut up once YOU were the chosen one for her elder son.
Don’t take it to heart when she is judging others. Be happy that she found her DIL in you! She wants to do the same for the next… she will quit once she finds someone like you!
I don't think you should talk to her about this issue. She might not appreciate the 'rok tok' from her bahu. If your husband or BIL are aware of this and are decent enough then they'll have a talk with her.
I was at a dawat once and this lady was complaining about her new bahu. She was very dark, with blue contacts and blond highlights. Anyway my mom just said something like, "remember we were all so slim and fair at one time....ek do bache baad aurat ka bayra gharak ho jaata hai..." So my mom just poked fun at herself and the other aunties but in an indirect way also defended the bahu.
Or you could point out gorgeous girls who are total bytches with their hubbies to bring home the point about beauty not being everything. But say this stuff to your hubby only. Ur mil might think a. you dont know ur auqaat b. you are insecure cuz u don't want a prettier girl than urself
Btw, mothers never make sense, even our own. One time my mom said about some girl that "oh uska beta to itna gora tha, aisi kali larki se kyun shaadi kardi" and i was like wtf!! she's lighter than me!! so are u sayin im ugly? and then my mom was like "haramzadi tu mujhe bari zaleel karti hai" lol
Seriously, you saying something might be taken completely out of context and that might jeopardize your relationship with you MIL. Its not worth it. If its really bothering you, then ask your husband to speak to her. :)
just be happy that you met all her standards for looks.. consider yourself very pretty and let her search for the choti bahu..how come your brother in law doesnt say anything in this matter? Perhaps he should tell his mom what is he looking for in terms of looks/character/education etc to make things easy for her!!
:) I am POSITIVE that I did not meet her standards for looks. My husband and I had love marriage. But she grew to like me.
I feel like I should correct her because she is so pious and she wasn't taught any differently but that could open up a whole can of worms.
So, why is your MIL being soo picky this time? May be you should find that out first - once you understand the reason - it might help you in more ways than one.
Maybe because she didn't get to pick her elder bahu. I really wasn't HER choice more of my husbands. She praises me all the time in front of others that I am great but I don't think she qualifies me a drop dead gorgeous bahu something she can brag to her friends about.
I am the do it all, keep the family together, nice and polite, motivated highly educated bahu. Maybe she wants variety. But I think I am going to talk to her because just like if a friend was doing something wrong I would speak up, I think I should say something to her (in a very nice manner)
I find it repulsive when women are hung up on another girls' looks in this type of situation.
If she's really so pious she wouldn't be this way.
I was thinking of that Sara but I don't think she was taught any differently. She has 1000 pious qualities but I think no one taught her that this was not right or that Allah wouldn't like this behavior.
Maybe because she didn't get to pick her elder bahu. I really wasn't HER choice more of my husbands. She praises me all the time in front of others that I am great but I don't think she qualifies me a drop dead gorgeous bahu something she can brag to her friends about.
I am the do it all, keep the family together, nice and polite, motivated highly educated bahu. Maybe she wants variety. But I think I am going to talk to her because just like if a friend was doing something wrong I would speak up, I think I should say something to her (in a very nice manner)
then why not just use ureself as an example? something along the lines of.. ab mujhay hi dekh layen aap.. mein na khoobsurat hu na haseen o jameel.. lekin aap kush hain.. therefore its whats inside that counts etc etc...
p.s) by beautiful i mean according to your mil.. im sure ure pretty in ure own right :)