ok, so I met the first Pakistani-American female with an out-of wedlock child (actually will be having one). I had time on fridays so I went to a hospital to sign up for a volunteer program for young mothers, its usually pre- and post natal care follow ups etc., So all us volunteers get 1 person to pretty much work with for about 6 months. I was really shocked to who I was assigned to, I mean this girl is so young (16) and to be going through all of this.. Her family’s pretty much disowned her and living with friends with no health coverage is not the way to go either! I don’t know why I was shocked but I just was. At first I felt really uncomfortable about doing this but once I got to meet her I was thinking about how it would be better (maybe) for her to have someone with the same background to be there helping her. I also dragged my fiancee into this thing, hoping that maybe a female could really raise her comfort level. Anyways to put things short, is this phenomenon more common than I expected in the Pakistani community? And if anyone has suggestions for to make things easier within my capacity, please don’t hold back!
heard about couple of cases..i hope its not common though :(
just be there for her right now :)
RajputFury, having been in the US all my life, I have never encountered any such situation involving a Pakistani-American female. However, I have seen 2 cases of abortions that Pakistani-American girls have had due to becoming pregnant out of wedlock. One girl is now happily married with 2 kids while the other, sadly, is on the wrong track altogether what with drugs, drinking, partying, and living the whole what she deems "the ultimate western experience" to the hilt. I find it sad to to see such things in my own community. I always think that well, if God can keep me on the right track, strong, motivated, and sane, it is possible for others as well who are born and raised here, but sadly, that's not always the case.
I'm glad to see that you have involved your finacee in this situation. I hope she is appreciated for her mentoring of this girl. Oh yeah, I can imagine!...not having health benefits must be very hard on this young thing. Hope everything works out for the best.
:)
She deserves 100 stripes..
Let Allah decides what she deserves, but for the time being, the child is innocent and will need a mother..
Moona :k:
Thanks for the constructive response. I agree, I mean I was born & raised in the US but I guess I was raised with certain moral values and all of our family friends had similar values.. So this whole thing came out of the blue.
Yea the fiancee has been pretty good with this girl, and believe me I do appreciate her for stepping in. I think for the time being we’ll both do as much as we can, because health and nutrition-wise I am concerned for the unborn child. I think abortions are absolutely wrong!! I mean it IS taking a life away and the child is always innocent in this process. I think those aborting this kids SHOULD have been aborted themselves (I realize the circular logic, but hey their the ones screwing up!).
I’m beginning to think that our Pakistani Community has more skelotons in the closet because one can imagine the parents and other pressure to kill the child, because they want to stay away from the shame and humility.
As for the health thing we are sure to do something about getting coverage for the girl in the next few weeks. I guess the good thing about NY State is that the Children’s Insurance is provided by the State so she should be all set after delivery. If she had been from my state CT, that wouldve been a huge problem.
aMiGo, i hope you were being sarcastic. In either case, what do you have to say for the guy who was responsible. Lets not blame it all on the girl just cuz she's carrying the child.
I know this is shocking, but I agree with aMigo, she DOES deserve the stripes. Stripes make you look slimmer and that would be a good look for someone who's pregnant.
Very sad, and such a young girl-child herself. Us badmash ko pakar kaar chaar jhootey maro jisney yeh haal banaya bacchi ka.
RajputFury, best of luck to u and if she needs anything at all - clothes, money, whatever - u have just to post a mailing address here on GS.
RajputFury, glad to hear that progress is being made in trying to get health coverage for the pregnant girl. I don't know about NY, but NJ, where I live, has State-run programs as well, that accommodate people in such situations, provided that they don't have their own insurance. Interesting..
You're right..abortion is not the right way out. It is never the unborn child's fault. Best of luck in the situation....mind you, it's a great thing you're doing for this girl in helping her out. I wish more Pakistani-American youth was community-oriented like you and recognized the plight of others in our community.
:)
Wah jee yeh kahan ka insaaf hai…us becharee ko 100 stripes aur is ke liye sirf chaar joote?
Ana very bad judgement!
I commend ur services Rajputfury :k:
Without going into details you can presume anything u want.
Famous Urdu Quote :Clapping involves both the hands (Tali Aik Haath Say Nahi Bajtee). So blaming one or the other is not justified.
Once done, its done. U can't revert it back but one can always find a positive solution to it.
Capricorn - chalo char nahin, char hazaar... magar that will still not diminish the seriousness of the situation. Whatever whoever did, the girl deserves support and guidance, and the chance to give her child a secure loving and BETTER future than living on hand-outs. Her parents atleast ought to be made aware of the injustice they r meting out by leaving her stranded like this... she is their daughter after all... who else does she have left if not her own family to support her at a time like this?
That film by Priety Zinta would fit here very well... girls make mistakes, but they suffer for it all the rest of their lives without being given the chance to rehabilitate themselves, to reform their ideas or morals and make sound decisions - in fact because of the cavalier attitudes of ignoramuses of society, these extremely vulnerable kids end up rejecting the bounties and goodness in life and pass on their by-now ugly values to their children.. because life did not give them any better. That's not fair - what is the child's fault in all this? U make a mistake, u pay for it, u become stronger better and move on.. that is what these kids need to be taught, not shunned and ostracized so that they end up hating society and inculcate desperate deplorable values in their next generations.
Regards.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Ana: *
Capricorn - chalo char nahin, char hazaar... magar that will still not diminish the seriousness of the situation. Whatever whoever did, the girl deserves support and guidance, and the chance to give her child a secure loving and BETTER future than living on hand-outs. Her parents atleast ought to be made aware of the injustice they r meting out by leaving her stranded like this... she is their daughter after all... who else does she have left if not her own family to support her at a time like this?
That film by Priety Zinta would fit here very well... girls make mistakes, but they suffer for it all the rest of their lives without being given the chance to rehabilitate themselves, to reform their ideas or morals and make sound decisions - in fact because of the cavalier attitudes of ignoramuses of society, these extremely vulnerable kids end up rejecting the bounties and goodness in life and pass on their by-now ugly values to their children.. because life did not give them any better. That's not fair - what is the child's fault in all this? U make a mistake, u pay for it, u become stronger better and move on.. that is what these kids need to be taught, not shunned and ostracized so that they end up hating society and inculcate desperate deplorable values in their next generations.
Regards.
[/QUOTE]
I agree with you Ana but this is what our society is. Girls have got to be extra careful. I wont even blame this girls parents who are not left with any choice. You have got to get into their shoes to understand them. Allah maaf kare sab ko buhat hee kathin situations hua kartee hongeen. This is what came to my mind right now.
In my state they have medicaid, foodstamps and cash programs for pregnant women who live below the poverty level. I work in this division and thus can probably tell you whom to contact in your state. Please let me know what state (and what zipcode) she is in so that I may send you information via PM. It is vital that she goes immediately to the state agency to get these benefits.
Wow, I'm really glad to read your responses. I think some of dear guppies are focusing on punishment for the girl/guy. I'm trying not focus on that part because I'm pretty taken aback with this whole thing. Some of the responses I'll answer individually:
Ana: Thanks for the suggestion, but I want to make sure that the girls privacy is maintained. I mean who knows if her parents are reading this.
Moona: I think the health insurance can be worked out. I checked out some info on the web about it and will get something going this week.
Munni: Thanks so much for your offer but I'm not sure what we can do right at this point, because I still don't fully know the situation surrounding this girl, I don't want to push too much info too soon. However, I will contact you if I need info :)
Right now the trouble is that we still are pretty new at this point so we're relying on what she has told us and we're pretty much believing it. Right now the parents come across as really callous and insensitive but who knows whats going on between them and her. I'm trying to keep an open mind about all of this and if needs be, between me and my fiancee, we are sure going to make sure that the girl is put on a right track with a good future.
I appreciate the kind words for my efforts but I pretty much walked into this thing and hope that it'll work out.
I might have sounded a bit harsh, but God has already decided what the punishment for adultery is. We are not in position to discuss this at all.
The boy should undoubtly face the same punishment!
There is no compassion or sympathy for such poeple.
024.002
YUSUFALI: The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication,- flog each of them with a hundred stripes: Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.
PICKTHAL: The adulterer and the adulteress, scourge ye each one of them (with) a hundred stripes.** And let not pity for the twain withhold you from obedience to Allah,** if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a party of believers witness their punishment.
SHAKIR: (As for) the fornicatress and the fornicator, flog each of them, (giving) a hundred stripes,** and let not pity for them detain you in the matter of obedience to Allah,** if you believe in Allah and the last day, and let a party of believers witness their chastisement.
Dude, we dont live in an Islamic state, and hence, we've got no right to punish her by death.
Khair,
If I were you, I'd befriend the girl, continue to help her out even after she gives birth, by helping her get a job and going to school, etc. Once you help her get on her own two feet, she'll be taking care of herself. That's about the nicest thing you could do.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by PyariCgudia: *
Khair,
If I were you, I'd befriend the girl, continue to help her out even after she gives birth, by helping her get a job and going to school, etc. Once you help her get on her own two feet, she'll be taking care of herself. That's about the nicest thing you could do.
[/QUOTE]
Pyari, thanks for the response. I was thinking the same thing but I don't want to pressure her because hey I know how it's like being young and having someone telling you what to do (this whole mess probably began that way)..So I'm going to take it slow and steady.
Amigo:
What you quoted is all understood. My concern here is for the child primarily, so what are you saying, let this girl do this on her own so the unborn child suffers? Just from a humanistic perspective, one cannot find the kid guilty in this mess. I read up on the materials the hospital gave me regarding nutrition and prenatal care for the mother that is vital for the baby, do you expect me to walk away from that? Plus, when I signed up for this, I made a commitment to help someone in distress and the fact that by chance this person is from my country will make me help her more NOT less!
RF: I volunteer with a South Asian youth organization in Queens and can tell you first hand that such issues are not that uncommon. It happens to Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Indians....etc..etc.. It is about lack of sexual education, poor familial ties and lack of education and cummunication outlets for the ids themselves.
Here's a dooy...it happens more in villages of those countries than it does here.