:k:
thats wonderful thought , i hope u r a guy 
Dj aqua i dont think ppl are scared of changes , the issue is more about leaving parentes & family forever ( i am married and i know how it is ) thats for sure ke we can talk & meet every day laken it is Not the same thing my dear , but that is a the way it is , it is a part of life , hum agay chaltay haiN , naye zindgi ki taraf ,that is the good thing about it
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*Originally posted by Femme Fatale: *
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*Originally posted by Dj_Aqua: *
…and go to a man house whome u dont even really know …r u going to adjust or not?
Thts wat i am saying…
…u have to know the person…i mean at least u have to know a little about him…all my cousins got married with a person whome they met like once before marriage…but mashallah they r happy…one of my cousin got married in family…i think thts much better…but little weird too
Mehroo Sis but i am scared of change in my life…chalein abhi tou kafi deir hai…
Allah aap ko bohot khush rekhey…
no dont be scared , oh well i am telling u this lolz our meiN khod kitni scared the laken sub thek ho gaa inshAllaha .
thanks a lot chanda
Alhumdulilah i am blessed :~)
He wants to live near my parents and If not then either stay in the next house or may be a block away from my parents :~) ....
But you are right living in a different house then your parents is like OMG. i am not gonna have my sister waking me up or my mom calling my name everyday.
I wont have that jagrey of my siblings early in the morning. Small small, little little and tiny tiny things *sigh
par kudrat ka nazaam hai :~)
this ruqsati gig..
what is the bigger issue for girls, moving out of the parents house? or the responsibilities?
I have seen girls who have lived away from home for college and then living and working in a diff city and then all crying on their weddings, its like err, what happened. itys not that u are going to see your folks any less now.
Poor dulha stands there looking at this drama feeling like a mujrim for taking someone's daughter away. I bet the daughter and the parenst would be crying more in most cases if she did not get married.
for some 19 yr old who has never lived away from home and is going to get married and move to burkina faso, burundi or lesotho.. i can see the point, but some confident educated 20 something professional who has lived away from home since her teens what the whole deal?
ladies, enough dramay baazi...
Here ye here ye! We have a winner 
Peer sahib... stop giving nuskey out they arent doing any shafa
What i have heard so far when a daughter is born father has a fear from that day that she will go away. That was the exact statment of my cousin.
Once a daughter is married her main priorities are her husband and in-laws, parents are third. To move those people you care so much about from the first level to the third is a lot. I dont know about you fraudz but living in dorms and rukhsati are totally different things. One goes through 4 rys of college or more to make something out of themselves and parents let them go cause they know their daughters will come BACK. After rukhsati she is gone.
What is your last name [husbands name in most cases]
where do you live you give your sasuraal's address ]
friends asking " lets go out " gotta ask him or sassu ji *smack] ( i am so not doing that- I will TELL them but asking permission isnt me)
brother fraudz l try to put yourself in bhabi's shoes :~) and see the picture... I bet you will have tears..in those pathar bhari ankeyaa...
forget that what will you do if its your daugther?
Those years when she lived with you and you took care of her and much more will come to your mind on her rukhsati ... its not a drama ... there is so much pain and so much love behind those tears :)
[bhai start thinking outside the box :p its getting smaller]
Originally posted by nia_khan: *
**Peer sahib... stop giving nuskey out they arent doing any shafa *
not for those who dont take teh nusqaa :)
*What i have heard so far when a daughter is born father has a fear from that day that she will go away. That was the exact statment of my cousin. *
okay I dont disagree, although in 2003 in US in most educated families its not an issue is it..girl marries lives with hubby is close to her family etc etc..whats the big deal?
*Once a daughter is married her main priorities are her husband and in-laws, parents are third. *
once a guy is married his wife becomes his priority as well, and he has to balance his priority with his duties to his parents which can be demanding especially in a joint family system..
*I dont know about you fraudz but living in dorms and rukhsati are totally different things. *
sure they are, but as far as being close to your parents and being there when they need you while you are at a distance is the same issue. when you are in a dorm u dont see your folks daily and can go see them only so often but could rush there if needed, I dont see any difference if teh girl is married and living away..unless her hubby is some psycho.
**One goes through 4 rys of college or more to make something out of themselves and parents let them go cause they know their daughters will come BACK. After rukhsati she is gone. {/B]
hey quit switching back and forth, we are talking about it from a bride's perspective not from her folks. eitherway...is she really "gone" after ruqsatti? i suppose in some families probably..
*What is your last name [husbands name in most cases] *
father's name before that.. but one does not have to change it if one does not want..
*where do you live you give your sasuraal's address ] *
you live where your husband lives, if its with his folks susral or your home, surely a guy does not give his parents address when he gets his own place.
*friends asking " lets go out " gotta ask him or sassu ji *smack] ( i am so not doing that- I will TELL them but asking permission isnt me) *
did she not have to ask her parents to go out? if she did not then she made a bad choice picking someone where she has to ask permission. anyways..once married responsibilities increase especially if u have kids. the more responsibilities the less freedom.. and its not only girls who face that.
*brother fraudz l try to put yourself in bhabi's shoes :~) and see the picture... I bet you will have tears..in those pathar bhari ankeyaa...
forget that what will you do if its your daugther? *
lemme see, she got married to me and moved in with me after being at home all her life. I left home at 14 she left home at 21 and was a few states away, i left home at 14 and was a few countries away and then a few continents away :) yep, i have ansoon in my pathar bhari ankhiaan :P
*Those years when she lived with you and you took care of her and much more will come to your mind on her rukhsati ... its not a drama ... there is so much pain and so much love behind those tears :) *
yet again you switch from bride's perspective to her father's, how is it really any diff from those parents in pakistan whose sons are studying or working here. in most cases those ppl see their sons less often then the brides see their parents.
*[bhai start thinking outside the box :p its getting smaller] *
practice what you preach, growing up and getting responsibilities and distance are not only applicable to women, guys face them too.
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*Originally posted by mehroo: *
thats wonderful thought , i hope u r a guy :-)
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yes :~)
Nes, I love the idea of the boy moving in with the girl's family.. it woul save us guys the horrid expense of having to get a mortgage, buy furniture, pay bills, etc... we can just leech it all off the in-laws!!! :D
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*Originally posted by Fraudz: *
this ruqsati gig..
what is the bigger issue for girls, moving out of the parents house? or the responsibilities?
I have seen girls who have lived away from home for college and then living and working in a diff city and then all crying on their weddings, its like err, what happened. itys not that u are going to see your folks any less now.
Poor dulha stands there looking at this drama feeling like a mujrim for taking someone's daughter away. I bet the daughter and the parenst would be crying more in most cases if she did not get married.
for some 19 yr old who has never lived away from home and is going to get married and move to burkina faso, burundi or lesotho.. i can see the point, but some confident educated 20 something professional who has lived away from home since her teens what the whole deal?
ladies, enough dramay baazi...
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i can only say one thing Fraudz all that u wrote is kinda easy to say laken it is nOt same as living away from home for study , it is infact a big change for girl , u wont understand till u will one day going to say Good bye to ur daughter ,then u will feel how it is .
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*Originally posted by mAd_ScIeNtIsT: *
Nes, I love the idea of the boy moving in with the girl's family.. it woul save us guys the horrid expense of having to get a mortgage, buy furniture, pay bills, etc... we can just leech it all off the in-laws!!! :D
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o yeah u guys r smart , huh . har taraf aap logoN ke faiday ,agar dulhan gaar ayee gee to bhi faiday , bhayie we have something called " jahaiz" agar Dulha gaar jamaie banay too bhi faiday he faiday :D hai ke nahi ?
walekum Saalm Aappi 
Aappi mera to yeh sub kuch parh kur ronghtay kharay ho gein hai…I am not married yet…but I dont wat will happen then…leaving ur parents bro and sis only 4 one person… 
hie it will be soo difficult 
I hope that person is good and caring..jis kay liyee aap sub ko chor kur ja rahay ho
i agree with pkm…
mehroo aapi…i came alone to college in america from pakistan at a really young age and here i live in the dorms…and that was very very very very very very very very very very tough i cried a lot and everytime even now it feels weird and sad when i leave home again to come to college after vacations…its really really tough…
but i go home in summer and winter and am there for almost five to six months each yr…so i still have that feeling of staying at home, i dont feel like i have really left home..
jab kisi cousin kee rukhsati hoti hae ya filmon mein scenes aatay hayn its really sad makes me cry a lot…i sometimes think abt it aur bohot dar lagta hae aur rona ata hae coz i’m really really attached to my family…
aur ye bhee dar lagta hay ke whether i will be able to adjust in the new place…
but i guess larkyaan hoti hi parayi haen aur qudrat ne yahi nizam banaya hae…
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by mehroo: *
i can only say one thing Fraudz all that u wrote is kinda easy to say laken it is nOt same as living away from home for study , it is infact a big change for girl , u wont understand till u will one day going to say Good bye to ur daughter ,then u will feel how it is .
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why do you guys keep jumping from the bride's perspective to her father's perspective.
yes marriage is a big change for teh girl, so is it for a boy.
How is life much different for two professional ppl who are living independently or living with their parets, get married and get their own place.
do they both not have more responsibilities due to the spouse and the in laws?
and if teh girl is not professional and is a homemaker, does the guy not have more responsibilities financially, because he has someone else to look out for?
so all of a sudden its really hard for a girl who has to leave home (which she would eventually have to unless she wants to live as an old maiden with her folks), but how and why is it that the hardship on the guy is completely ignored. In joint family system the guy has to play the balancing act between his family and his wife. he has additional responsibilities now. maybe he gets his own place..more fiancial pressure.
yes its tough on girls, but look beyond that, its a big adjustment for anyone..
I am certain the girl and her father would have much more to cry about if the girl did not get married :)
Give it up Pir jee. I would if I were you cuz it's a girl thing! we cud be discussing this till t/ cows come home:)
so its a girl thing, kewl..and thats exactly my point, its a girl thing and not some universal concept.
not only is it a girl thing but a desi girl thing i believe, never seen an american bride bawl.
Own place peer saab? wut if they dont afford it? till then they hav to liv at sum place.. rite? either at guy’s parent’s place or wife’s place… they do need a roof to live… rite?
personally i dont hav an issue if its groom’s parent’s place or brides parent’s place.. atleast they r livin together.. thats all it matters. still mayb its the knowledge of their responsibilities that make them weep…
so is that a girl’s fault now that she cant work to help her hubby financially?
not all of a sudden peer ji … its like… girl has to adjust more with her surrounding… she isnt used to not being pampered by her family i mean okay well.. susral walay might luv her.. but they cant take care of her as her family did… she could get angry at time.. but her susral walay might not ignore it like her family did… wut do u expect her to do then?! not get angry or upset about anything cos her susral walay might not like it !!! as i said earlier.. wut if they dont hav a choice of moving out? who is losing more… guy or a girl..?!
… is that a girl’s fault too!!! why are you looking at from girl’s family side ?! wut happened to girl’s own prespective?!