So this particular cousin( age 22) has always been the rude type, but ever since my parents and I rejected her brother’s rishta she’s gotten even worse and more frequent. Btw, she doesn’t know that I know that her family sent my family the rishta.
Lately in the past couple of months since we rejected their rishta she has been so rude. Once I was wearing a jacket from brand X and she commented to her brother that brand X is for people who cannot afford brand Y in front of me, and after that they both started laughing, which is funny because she used to ask us for desi clothes for parties and stuff, if she’s so rich why cant she go out and buy them. Another time two of my younger cousins said that I was the prettiest of all of the older cousins and that they want to look like me when they get older. My sister and other younger cousins were like yeah Pinkcess is pretty, whereas this cousin sad I’m not and what is so pretty about me. And I used to be very fat a couple of years ago and then I got very thin and now I’m normal, and she ALWAYS comments on how I used to be anorexic and how ugly I looked. I also have light skin and anemia so veins show on my face in places like my chin and under eye when I’m not wearing makeup, and she always makes it a point to comment on that. I just find it so rude because she has acne, facial hair, coarse hair, childish looking body, etc yet I never make fun of her. She even is rude to my younger sis, but to a lesser extent. Also once her father was extremely sick and their family asked us to bring zam zam water that we had from Hajj from SIX years ago so he could drink it( all we had), and when we brought it she commented that it wasn’t enough and that “we’re sooo generous” in front of us. There’s just so much more rude stuff she does but I don’t wanna annoy you guys.
Also when we are around cousins that are our age (17-25), she always acts so nice to me and my sis and prefers talking to us instead of the other girls, even when we are in groups. I’m just so tired of this and I even have told my mom but she doesn’t think that this is that big of a deal. All the aunties and adults love this girl, and brush off her bad qualities. How should I deal with her???
I've been ignoring her for years, but now it's really getting to me! And its really hard to keep ignoring when I am forced to see her almost every week!
my cousins asked several people (in the family) to sent rishta for their sister. and we had no issue, so did. than they rejected it. We moved on and my brother got married. at his wedding they acted weird and didnt participate and ignored his wife. later they invited bro and his wife for dinner at their place and insulted her, this turned into a total war!.
some people have no life. and they do this for entertainment. in my cousins case they wanted my bro not to get married till they get married, in case they dont find anyone more suitable than my bro.
my cousins asked several people (in the family) to sent rishta for their sister. and we had no issue, so did. than they rejected it. We moved on and my brother got married. at his wedding they acted weird and didnt participate and ignored his wife. later they invited bro and his wife for dinner at their place and insulted her, this turned into a total war!.
some people have no life. and they do this for entertainment. in my cousins case they wanted my bro not to get married till they get married, in case they dont find anyone more suitable than my bro.
better ignore them and live your life.
Wow how rude of them! But at least it's not their whole family.my khala is normal with me and my mom thank God.
It's impossible to avoid meeting her. We go to the same uni, she comes over to my house, we go over to theirs (cuz khala is bedridden), and we go to similar parties...
Ur cousin is wierd because she has some sort of inferiority complex and doesnt know how to deal with it. Ppl like that feel if they put the other person down then they will come up on top, and in fact the opposite happens. Sadly this cycle will continue all her life till she has an epiphany or gains some self esteem or gets some big shocker to put her in her senses. Till then u just have to hold tight and ignore.
One more way to make them stop is to actually agree with them... when they see no one is resisting they don't know how to deal with that and just stop saying stuff like that. I have no idea what ud say about the jacket, that was just stupid on her part. But about being pretty if u had shrugged off ur sister and younger cuzins comments like k oh I'm not so pretty, or all of u r also so pretty or whatever then she wouldn't know what to say (I hope). If she says u were so anorexic, u go like yeh I'm glad I'm at a healthy weight now, too thin or too fat is never good for health. I've generally seen that this diffuses these kinds of ppl, find some neutral sort of way of agreeing with them and it generally shuts them up. Cuz generally they r somewhat battameez and u can't really argue ur point and make them see what they're doing or saying.
If she's been like this for years, as you say, then chances are that other people within and outside the family have also noticed her behavior even if they don't comment on it. So, apart from wasting time and energy hating on you, she's also hurting her image. Sometimes people persist because they're not called out on their rudeness. That said, you can talk to her directly but privately about her attitude. However, if you fear this will only worsen relations then maintain as best a polite distance as you can and avoid sharing intimate details of your life with her. Do you think there's anything in your behavior or body language that might be offending her? It's easier to spot the other person's flaws than it is to recognize our own. I know that some of my difficult cousins are not aware of their offensive words/tone/actions. Similarly, there have been times when I've been both deliberately and unintentionally careless with my manners. Another thing that you can try, which is easier said than done, but you could try genuinely/sincerely complimenting her both privately and in front of others and see how things go.
Ur cousin is wierd because she has some sort of inferiority complex and doesnt know how to deal with it. Ppl like that feel if they put the other person down then they will come up on top, and in fact the opposite happens. Sadly this cycle will continue all her life till she has an epiphany or gains some self esteem or gets some big shocker to put her in her senses. Till then u just have to hold tight and ignore.
One more way to make them stop is to actually agree with them... when they see no one is resisting they don't know how to deal with that and just stop saying stuff like that. I have no idea what ud say about the jacket, that was just stupid on her part. But about being pretty if u had shrugged off ur sister and younger cuzins comments like k oh I'm not so pretty, or all of u r also so pretty or whatever then she wouldn't know what to say (I hope). If she says u were so anorexic, u go like yeh I'm glad I'm at a healthy weight now, too thin or too fat is never good for health. I've generally seen that this diffuses these kinds of ppl, find some neutral sort of way of agreeing with them and it generally shuts them up. Cuz generally they r somewhat battameez and u can't really argue ur point and make them see what they're doing or saying.
I agree! She definitely has some sort of inferiority complex! And when my cousins said that I was the prettiest cousin, I didn't say anything I just kept quiet yet she still said "what's so pretty about her"? But in general she gets mad if someone says that someone else is pretty. Like for example, we were watching one of our cousins wedding video who recently got married and my sis and I commented that his sis whose around our age was very pretty. And she said that she wasn't and that she was too dark and fat, even though she's darker and has the body of a 12 year boy. Hypocritical much?
Ur cousin is wierd because she has some sort of inferiority complex and doesnt know how to deal with it. Ppl like that feel if they put the other person down then they will come up on top, and in fact the opposite happens. Sadly this cycle will continue all her life till she has an epiphany or gains some self esteem or gets some big shocker to put her in her senses. Till then u just have to hold tight and ignore.
One more way to make them stop is to actually agree with them... when they see no one is resisting they don't know how to deal with that and just stop saying stuff like that. I have no idea what ud say about the jacket, that was just stupid on her part. But about being pretty if u had shrugged off ur sister and younger cuzins comments like k oh I'm not so pretty, or all of u r also so pretty or whatever then she wouldn't know what to say (I hope). If she says u were so anorexic, u go like yeh I'm glad I'm at a healthy weight now, too thin or too fat is never good for health. I've generally seen that this diffuses these kinds of ppl, find some neutral sort of way of agreeing with them and it generally shuts them up. Cuz generally they r somewhat battameez and u can't really argue ur point and make them see what they're doing or saying.
I agree! She definitely has some sort of inferiority complex! And when my cousins said that I was the prettiest cousin, I didn't say anything I just kept quiet yet she still said "what's so pretty about her"? But in general she gets mad if someone says that someone else is pretty. Like for example, we were watching one of our cousins wedding video who recently got married and my sis and I commented that his sis whose around our age was very pretty. And she said that she wasn't and that she was too dark and fat, even though she's darker and has the body of a 12 year boy. Hypocritical much?
^Pinkcess, her behavior is obnoxious. I understand your frustration because I've dealt with the same problem from cousins much, much older than me and whom should have known better. But in your case, this girl is within your age range and that creates more room for competition and comparisons. It seems she feels insecure about her looks....which by the way...is something neither of you can control. You had no say with the pretty features you were born with and similarly she has no control in the features she was born with that you are now criticizing. Diet and exercise and makeup only go so far, but drastic changes require more invasive treatments. The difference here is that she criticizes you to your face and most likely behind your back, while you're bashing her behind her back. She also has a bed-ridden mom and maybe other issues in her life that are her insecurities/inner demons. But she's your cousin and she's gotta have some good traits in her, right? As I said earlier, it's easier said than done, but try sincerely complimenting her in private and before others. Maybe she's looking for validation. It may or may not thaw the ice. If you cannot do that, then your other three options are to treat her the same way, confront her privately, or maintain a polite distance. If you believe that none of these strategies will work and you don't intend to try them, then this nothing more than rant/vent session.
She is not rude. She has self confidence issues. People like her always put others down because it somehow makes them feel better about their own selves.
It's nothing but insecurities speaking on her part. Be thankful that you don't have that miserable personality & ignore her.
Even if she mocks you in front of a crowd & you still decide to stay quite & ignore her behavior. It will just make you look all the more noble & classy in front of others.
Sometimes reading Surah Falaq & Surah Naas helps us well. Especially when you are in the moment. Reading helps block negativity.
She is not rude to me in front of people. Only in front of her siblings, younger cousins and aunts/uncles that don't understand English. Once a mutual friend asked her how close are you two (me and her), and she was like a lot and then she hugged me. She's just so fake.
^Pinkcess, her behavior is obnoxious. I understand your frustration because I've dealt with the same problem from cousins much, much older than me and whom should have known better. But in your case, this girl is within your age range and that creates more room for competition and comparisons. It seems she feels insecure about her looks....which by the way...is something neither of you can control. You had no say with the pretty features you were born with and similarly she has no control in the features she was born with that you are now criticizing. Diet and exercise and makeup only go so far, but drastic changes require more invasive treatments. The difference here is that she criticizes you to your face and most likely behind your back, while you're bashing her behind her back. She also has a bed-ridden mom and maybe other issues in her life that are her insecurities/inner demons. But she's your cousin and she's gotta have some good traits in her, right? As I said earlier, it's easier said than done, but try sincerely complimenting her in private and before others. Maybe she's looking for validation. It may or may not thaw the ice. If you cannot do that, then your other three options are to treat her the same way, confront her privately, or maintain a polite distance. If you believe that none of these strategies will work and you don't intend to try them, then this nothing more than rant/vent session.
I wish I could treat her the same way she treats me, but I would feel like a horrible person and she would definitely call me out. Maintaining a polite distance is so hard too, because she wants to know about everything in my life and nags the hell out of me if I don't tell her.
The issue of her mom being sick is important too, but I don't necessarily think that this is causing her to be rude. Yeah I know its difficult as I went through a similar situation a couple years ago, but I don't think it is a valid excuse to say whatever the hell you want to someone.
^Yaar, going into detail (acne, weight, body shape, etc) with blasting her looks behind her back may not be as "horrible" an offense as what she's doing to you, but it's not commendable either. You're still spewing poison about her, only behind her back and with online strangers this time. But chances are that you've blasted her behind her back to a sibling or a friend, etc. As for nagging the hell out of you not telling her about your life, maybe you create curiosity or suspense about your life? Would she bother asking you if you never shared details in the past. Just don't surrender to the nagging and one day she'll quit. Either you change your attitude or you do something about it. Seems u only want to vent.
She is not rude. She has self confidence issues. People like her always put others down because it somehow makes them feel better about their own selves.
It's nothing but insecurities speaking on her part. Be thankful that you don't have that miserable personality & ignore her.
Even if she mocks you in front of a crowd & you still decide to stay quite & ignore her behavior. It will just make you look all the more noble & classy in front of others.
Sometimes reading Surah Falaq & Surah Naas helps us well. Especially when you are in the moment. Reading helps block negativity.
Even I myself have self confidence issues, even though people have told me that I'm pretty. I mean, what girl doesn't? I don't think that low self esteem gives someone the right to be rude to someone else. Her saying that I'm not pretty or whatever doesn't really hurt me as much as her and her brother making fun of my family's financial situation with the jacket comment. Also, she doesn't really mock me in front of people, only in front of children or people who don't understand English, as well as her siblings and my siblings.