So this particular cousin( age 22) has always been the rude type, but ever since my parents and I rejected her brother's rishta she's gotten even worse and more frequent. Btw, she doesn't know that I know that her family sent my family the rishta.
Lately in the past couple of months since we rejected their rishta she has been so rude. Once I was wearing a jacket from brand X and she commented to her brother that brand X is for people who cannot afford brand Y in front of me, and after that they both started laughing, which is funny because she used to ask us for desi clothes for parties and stuff, if she's so rich why cant she go out and buy them. Another time two of my younger cousins said that I was the prettiest of all of the older cousins and that they want to look like me when they get older. My sister and other younger cousins were like yeah Pinkcess is pretty, whereas this cousin sad I'm not and what is so pretty about me. And I used to be very fat a couple of years ago and then I got very thin and now I'm normal, and she ALWAYS comments on how I used to be anorexic and how ugly I looked. I also have light skin and anemia so veins show on my face in places like my chin and under eye when I'm not wearing makeup, and she always makes it a point to comment on that. I just find it so rude because she has acne, facial hair, coarse hair, childish looking body, etc yet I never make fun of her. She even is rude to my younger sis, but to a lesser extent. Also once her father was extremely sick and their family asked us to bring zam zam water that we had from Hajj from SIX years ago so he could drink it( all we had), and when we brought it she commented that it wasn't enough and that "we're sooo generous" in front of us. There's just so much more rude stuff she does but I don't wanna annoy you guys.
Also when we are around cousins that are our age (17-25), she always acts so nice to me and my sis and prefers talking to us instead of the other girls, even when we are in groups. I'm just so tired of this and I even have told my mom but she doesn't think that this is that big of a deal. All the aunties and adults love this girl, and brush off her bad qualities. How should I deal with her???
Wow! This completely reminds me of a situation I myself was in just a couple of years ago. Let me give you some context. I have 8 female first cousins, all of us in the same age range (now all in our 20s). At every gathering or event some random Aunty would say (in front of the others) that I am the prettiest (dumb thing to do I know but who can question the pakistani auntys). Add to that a fabulous career and other things (Allhamdullilah) and it was inevitable that the other girls would begin to dislike me and behave in a similar manner to your cousin. Except I am not the type to stay quiet and it would always result in a full fledged argument. To make a long story short, I am now no longer on speaking terms with any of them. With my male cousins, yes. But not my female cousins. We haven't spoken in about 2 years (yes they live nearby). My mother was disappointed at first but now she understands and accepts that it is what it is. I didn't invite any of them to my nikkah and they won't be invited to my wedding. I have no patience for people such as this. I am not recommending that you take this course of action because I was dealing with severe bullying on their part, however, I would encourage you to stick up for yourself in front of this particular cousin. My mother never used to understand in the beginning either and would get mad at me for arguing with them but it all comes to light eventually. We simply ignore one another now at any events and they mean nothing to me.
^Yaar, going into detail (acne, weight, body shape, etc) with blasting her looks behind her back may not be as "horrible" an offense as what she's doing to you, but it's not commendable either. You're still spewing poison about her, only behind her back and with online strangers this time. But chances are that you've blasted her behind her back to a sibling or a friend, etc. as fir nagging the hell out of you not telling her about your life, maybe you create curiosity or suspense about your life? Would she bother asking you if you never shared details in the past. Just don't surrender to the nagging a d one day she'll quit.[/QUOolTE]
True, I know but I'm just descibing her. Like, how can she say something about my looks when she is no Angelina Jolie, you know what I mean? And she wants nags me about stupid stuff. For example, a friend commented on one of my photos on FB and the next second she texted me saying "who is she" "how come I've never seen her before" blah blah. I use to block her but then she found out I was and then I just decided to unblock her.
Nope. That way you can still cook it afterward. Why waste food and money? :p
OP. Next time she insults you in the presence of people who don't understand English, call her out. Tell her, "Why don't you insult me in Urdu instead so that the people around us can also understand your words. I don't want them to miss out cuz you do this often and I've stayed quiet for too long." It'll leave her speechless and embarrassed for a few moments but should soon lead to an open discussion between you two about the issue. Or you quietly put up with it and make yourself look classier....like Bint-e-Naeem said earlier...and she is right about reciting the surahs as well.
Wow! This completely reminds me of a situation I myself was in just a couple of years ago. Let me give you some context. I have 8 female first cousins, all of us in the same age range (now all in our 20s). At every gathering or event some random Aunty would say (in front of the others) that I am the prettiest (dumb thing to do I know but who can question the pakistani auntys). Add to that a fabulous career and other things (Allhamdullilah) and it was inevitable that the other girls would begin to dislike me and behave in a similar manner to your cousin. Except I am not the type to stay quiet and it would always result in a full fledged argument. To make a long story short, I am now no longer on speaking terms with any of them. With my male cousins, yes. But not my female cousins. We haven't spoken in about 2 years (yes they live nearby). My mother was disappointed at first but now she understands and accepts that it is what it is. I didn't invite any of them to my nikkah and they won't be invited to my wedding. I have no patience for people such as this. I am not recommending that you take this course of action because I was dealing with severe bullying on their part, however, I would encourage you to stick up for yourself in front of this particular cousin. My mother never used to understand in the beginning either and would get mad at me for arguing with them but it all comes to light eventually. We simply ignore one another now at any events and they mean nothing to me.
Seriously, whenever aunties do that I can sense jealously in her but at that point she doesn't say anything in front of the other girls, who remain quiet. It's when we go home ( we live close so our fam sometimes takes her home as her mom is sick so she's the only one coming to the parties) and then she'll say "your hair was looking bad today" "your makeup was looking bad" or something to annoy me. I really don't want to ruin my relationship with her, in fact I want to make it better, but at this point I don't even know. I know for a fact that she doesn't know that her behavior bothers me because I have been ignoring it so well.
Nope. That way you can still cook it afterward. Why waste food and money? :p
OP. Next time she insults you in the presence of people who don't understand English, call her out. Tell her, "Why don't you insult me in Urdu instead so that the people around us can also understand your words. I don't want them to miss out cuz you do this often and I've stayed quiet for too long." It'll leave her speechless and embarrassed for a few moments but should soon lead to an open discussion between you two about the issue. Or you quietly put up with it and make yourself look classier....like Bint-e-Naeem said earlier...and she is right about reciting the surahs as well.
Yeah, I'm definately gonna be reading the surahs but I'm too scared to embarrass her. My mom would kill me lol
Seriously, whenever aunties do that I can sense jealously in her but at that point she doesn't say anything in front of the other girls, who remain quiet. It's when we go home ( we live close so our fam sometimes takes her home as her mom is sick so she's the only one coming to the parties) and then she'll say "your hair was looking bad today" "your makeup was looking bad" or something to annoy me. I really don't want to ruin my relationship with her, in fact I want to make it better, but at this point I don't even know. I know for a fact that she doesn't know that her behavior bothers me because I have been ignoring it so well.
When she makes comments like that, simply respond with "oh that's strange because such and such Aunty etc told me I looked really pretty, you are the only one who has commented negatively!"
Give her a dose of her own medicine...... I know that will be difficult for you to be rude but sometimes this is how people understand. ....... kuch logo ko pyaar ki zubaan samajh nahi aaty .........
She doesnt seem worth trouble so just suck it up and deal with it whichever way is easiest for you. Try and ignore her and avoid her for a while. Creating distance between youself and her may help. Also, if she texts you trying to find out information and things then either ignore her texts or answer in like really short basic texts so she gets the hint that you dont want to talk to her.
And plus she seems like shes going through a hard time at home aswell as having some self esteem issues. Even though this doesnt give her, or anyone else for that matter, the right to bring someone down, I think you should still try and keep these factors in mind. Kill her with kindness!
you mentioned your age, so you act your age and be the mature one.. so find out what the mature ppl do and ignore the immature ones. simple. why go through so much trouble.
its not even a big issue. Just tell her straight up that her fam sent the request and she should get over her loss.
So this particular cousin( age 22) has always been the rude type, but ever since my parents and I rejected her brother's rishta she's gotten even worse and more frequent. Btw, she doesn't know that I know that her family sent my family the rishta.
Lately in the past couple of months since we rejected their rishta she has been so rude. Once I was wearing a jacket from brand X and she commented to her brother that brand X is for people who cannot afford brand Y in front of me, and after that they both started laughing, which is funny because she used to ask us for desi clothes for parties and stuff, if she's so rich why cant she go out and buy them. Another time two of my younger cousins said that I was the prettiest of all of the older cousins and that they want to look like me when they get older. My sister and other younger cousins were like yeah Pinkcess is pretty, whereas this cousin sad I'm not and what is so pretty about me. And I used to be very fat a couple of years ago and then I got very thin and now I'm normal, and she ALWAYS comments on how I used to be anorexic and how ugly I looked. I also have light skin and anemia so veins show on my face in places like my chin and under eye when I'm not wearing makeup, and she always makes it a point to comment on that. I just find it so rude because she has acne, facial hair, coarse hair, childish looking body, etc yet I never make fun of her. She even is rude to my younger sis, but to a lesser extent. Also once her father was extremely sick and their family asked us to bring zam zam water that we had from Hajj from SIX years ago so he could drink it( all we had), and when we brought it she commented that it wasn't enough and that "we're sooo generous" in front of us. There's just so much more rude stuff she does but I don't wanna annoy you guys.
Also when we are around cousins that are our age (17-25), she always acts so nice to me and my sis and prefers talking to us instead of the other girls, even when we are in groups. I'm just so tired of this and I even have told my mom but she doesn't think that this is that big of a deal. All the aunties and adults love this girl, and brush off her bad qualities. How should I deal with her???
