Someone asked me this today and I was unable to answer at all.
You’re divorced and getting remarried.
How would you do it? Would you go all out or just keep it simple?
This friend of mine had an ALL OUT wedding the first time around and is very hesitant to go down that route now. She simply wants a nikah, have a photo shoot and then go home with her new husband.
Now, if we know desi families at all…we also know they wont let that happen.
How can she keep her celebration small, tasteful and intimate so her family gets a chance to dress up and celebrate with her but not re-do her wedding?
I really dont have a clue about this one so Im asking you guys for help.
my friend had her Nikkah at the Masjid with just family of both sides -
after that they had a small intimate reception of about 35-40 people in the backyard of her house - it was private and very lovely - she was worried about the same thing as she had been divorced before and didnt want anything tooo OTT this time around and it was perfect at every level -
maybe they could jst have the guest list to strictly close family and friends :)
^we just went to a wedding last week that was very similar. the girl has two kids and had been divorced for some time.
her and her husband had a nikkah at the mosque and the next day a small reception for about 40-50 people - just very close family and friends. she looked like a bride too - the guy's side gave her her lengha, she had her makeup and hair done, proper jewellery.
everyone took lots of pics with them and we did all the usual rasms. it was a really intimate and lovely event; everyone including the couple had a great time and they went off to a hotel together at the end of the night.
someone i know went through the same turmoil. she was married in her teens and the marriage ended. this year, she was getting remarried and she wanted no shor-shoraba for the second round but got the obvious objections from the parents/in-laws.
in the end, they finally compromised. their nikkah was with the family elders a few months back and they did the mehendi at home last month with ghar kay log only and then had a very small rukhsati (60ish ppl). she wore heavy formal type of outfits instead of lehengay/ghararay and got a photoshoot done on the rukhsati day.
Okay, so you guys suggest getting a small banquet hall or is a nice restaurant setting better? Im helping plan this one - I dont have a job so might as well do something these days...lol.
Im going to go venue hunting soon...a place that will accomodate close family friends only...hopefully with no tacky partition. I dont know any banquet halls that are designed to fit 40 people maximum.
She does want a lehnga for this event but is that bad?
There will be no mehndi, mayun or anything. Just a nikah and then valima from the guys' side.
When my aunt first got married she had an amazing wedding, it was in Pakistan and since she was the last sibling to be married the wedding was a huge deal. The marriage lasted about 3 years, it ended horribly but thankfully they had no kids together. She was single for the best part of 8 years before she got married for the second time. And she did it big! Screw what people say tbh, her first marriage was something she doesnt ever want to acknowledge, so why not celebrate the present the way youre supposed to. They did everything the way its supposed to be done and mashallah theyre as happy as can be. People will talk either way, so I think the bride and groom should celebrate in whatever way they want, after all it their lives, their money and thei happiness.
^ I agree with you but she wont listen to me. Trust me, there is nothing more I would like then to dress up to the max for all 4 of her events but she will not agree.
Her reasoning is, a big wedding bought her bad luck and lots of nazar. Now she wants to do this as simply as possible and just start her life with her husband.
agree^.
they should do what makes them both happy, coz ppl will talk either way.
btw, the bride im talking about had her rukhsati in a conference room (hotel) so it was small enough for their number of guests. you could arrange for something like that.
(regarding the rest of her getup, she got the makeup professionally done, with zevar and all, just no lehengas).
She can wear a lehnga if she wants. There is no hard and fast rule of what you can and can't do in a small affair. Just do whatever feels appropriate. I loved naqsa's outfit that sh wore for her nikkah. Your friend can wear a heavy formal for her nikkah and a lehnga for her Valima, no biggie. Any smallish restaurant or may be a pool side can work for the Valima. I which city are you planning the event?
I think girls would love to go all out and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just because it did not work the first time does not mean they cannot enjoy the second beginning.
They just do it simple because our desi community is a jallad. They will banaa'o so much baatain hence the newly weds try to keep it simple
I guess something heavy but not necessarily a lehnga will work for this, that way she can also wear it again later at a family wedding or something else.
Conference room
Small restaurant
Pool side
These are all pretty good ideas...
Mahi, the nikah will happen locally in Chicago. I believe it is the groom's second marriage, yes. He wants to keep it simple too.
I think girls would love to go all out and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just because it did not work the first time does not mean they cannot enjoy the second beginning.
They just do it simple because our desi community is a jallad. They will banaa'o so much baatain hence the newly weds try to keep it simple
Thats exactly it. She is getting uncomfortable with the idea only because of the gossip it might create.
***I think she should have her special moment........just cuz its the second time round does not mean she can't go all out if she wants to............
She should enjoy it and celebrate it how it should be celebrated !......To hell with what people think ..loug kabhi bhi khush nahi rehnay deingay............***
Someone asked me this today and I was unable to answer at all.
You're divorced and getting remarried.
How would you do it? Would you go all out or just keep it simple?
This friend of mine had an ALL OUT wedding the first time around and is very hesitant to go down that route now. She simply wants a nikah, have a photo shoot and then go home with her new husband.
Now, if we know desi families at all...we also know they wont let that happen.
How can she keep her celebration small, tasteful and intimate so her family gets a chance to dress up and celebrate with her but not re-do her wedding?
I really dont have a clue about this one so Im asking you guys for help.
I would actually want even my 1st ( n last IA) wedding like that. I guess its upto you , its your choice. If she wants to keep it simple, you all should support her and help making it easy for her. Coz your desires do not come first. Its her wedding let her decide. May be you can keep a family get together after the wedding, like after a week or so. She will be in light and good mood by then and happily participate.
Thats exactly it. She is getting uncomfortable with the idea only because of the gossip it might create.
If she is only hesitant coz of what ppl will say, then that shows simple wedding is not what she actually wants. Well in that case tell her that ppl are not important and they will do their job of gossiping no matter what she decides to do. If she wants simple wedding they ll say, "hi bechari ka dill toota hoowa hai. Saadha sa nikah karwa rahi hai tsk tsk tsk...... etc. And if she goes for a full fledge wedding with all rasams etc, then they will say, " Daikho tou aisay khush hai jaisay pehli shadi hai."
Both of above comments are useless and going to do no harm to her.
i knew someone who got married second time round too, it was a small intimate affair with close family and friends around 50-60 ppl in a small resturaunt, she wore a nice outfit ( you know them anarkali types with chridaar) but still looked like a bride and then they did some rasms like cake...etc. it was a really nice evening.....
however if ur friend wants to do sumthing a little bit more grand than that then she should....them gossiping aunties can go to hell :D
Celebrate how you want to -- whatever suits your style and that of your partner's. Whether it is a first marriage or not.
Aunties will gossip regardless (especially since she's divorced). She might as well enjoy herself. No point in changing her plans to please them -- that'll never happen.
I have a cousin who got married grand style but unfortunately her marriage broke down. The next time round she had her nikaah at the masjid and a small reception for immediate family (even I wasn't invited!).
But the following day, they did a large Walima and called around 3-400 guests! Everyone still got dressed up so I don't think it's an issue if the second time round is a much smaller event.
depends what kinda ppl they are .. and why the first maraige didnt work out .. if it ended in majboori then .. go for a big one .. and if it ended due to sadness then keep a simple with fam and frens ..
waiseyy no harm in having a big dooo .. celebrate it to the max if you want nothing wrongg