Hey Sarah, say hi to Fred and Wilma
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There is No Spoon
These are they Ways or our Land!
[quote]
Originally posted by Aashi:
Adab to every one here!
May i make a point here!
I havent read the whole posting though but im replying anyway!
Do you think we muslims (girls especailly) will survive out there...if we were given the freedom to choose our own spouse?...
I dont think soo....what are parents for?...
They want the best for us right?....We girls are 'Aamanat' to our parents...and its our parents duty to look after us...
Until someone comes and claims the 'Aamanat' away...
I dont see any big deal in arrange marraiges!...72% of the ararnge marraiges work whereas 84% of love marraiges end in disaster...
And please dont say that a girl is like 'meat' just standing their and getting veiwed!
This is rediciolous....Rishte for girls are a symbol of proudness that she will be chosen...etc..
We girls have a value, a pricelss value...it depends on the reputation of the girl and the background for the rishte to go on....if something is missing...bad luck!
I think parents do the right thing...Im not saying that love marraige is totally out of the question but i prefer arranged!
[/quote]
hey Aashi
I realy admire the way u think. Its hard to find desi girls like you nowadays who understand the role of parents in choosing their life partners.
Most of them nowadays are just too "modernised" to understand that we are not like western ppl. We should definitely "modernise" ourselves and follow the west when it comes to good things like education and technology, but we should not forget our values.
Hats for a lady like you.
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[This message has been edited by Muni (edited March 04, 2002).]
Well for you desi muslims,
the prophet , when he married khadija, did not ask ne permission from his parents. They were dead by that time.
So it goes to show, that marriages that are done w/o the parents doing the arranging work out just fine.
Personally I m in the favor of mixture of both. Like Parents can initiate things and gal and guy can get to know each other later on but before proceeding to any commitment.
As far as "lerkee daikhna" is concerned its not that arranged marriage is digesting but its they way they are conducted is shameful. There should be better way of getting initial information (including lerkee daikhna). Like koi party, koi maila, koi reference, koi bahana etc.
And one more thing yee jo lerkee daikhney ka process hay that is mostly carried out by a person jo khud 20/25 saal pehley LERKEE hotee hay (aur isee tarha daikhee gaee hotee hay) and here she is at GAL’s place for “LERKEE DAIKHNA” for her son.
Eik aur baat yee k you gals who hate this process of “lerkee daikhna” (and rightly so) jub tum loog apney BAYTOON k shadi kerna tu don’t follow this shameful process aur then everything will be ok!
**
janey kis za-um meen maqtal ko sajeyee tum ho
mujh ko keya qatal karoo gay k mayreey saeey tum ho**
Khadija (ra) was the one who came to the Prophet (saw) and asked him.
Some of you people here have taken this way too personal. If you want an arranged marriage go for it, if you prefer a love marriage go for that. Either one will WORK if you are the one who chosen it. So, stop saying love marriages dont work and this and that, you are beginning to sound like the Jahilin.
I person think love is a big part of Islam, after all Islam is a religion made up of love. Don't you guys know the story of the Prophet Yusuf and his bride Zulakha? That was a marriage made up of love, and if you guys read how it came to be then you'd know how important love is to "some" people.
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What are you smoking?!?!?!?
Pristine, she’d be more likely to give you some if you asked nicely. Of course, an expression full of love (for whatever she’s smoking) also helps.
I read most of the post. I do believe in arrange marriages and I think it all depends on how they are arranged. Now a days situation has changed a lot, parents do ask guys and girls before they marry them, if they agree with it. I agree with Akif saying about family intervene, it helps a lot. (personal experience) even though my arrange marriage did not worked out and I am been married (love marriage) since last 5 years.
I will request to people who has given example of Prophet (pbuh) getting married and other examples, don't we always use those examples only when it suites us, how many other aspect of life we use example of Prophet (pbuh). i.e.,prophet (pbuh) wasn't use to go chasing girls, speaking about rishtay or going for dinner alone?
I wish we can come out of this narrow minded things of pakistani guys and arab guys, we are muslim to start with and we should try to become better muslims.
Man I swear its people like this that make you stop coming to this place. uffffff
And if you think I am high well then so be it, you just dont seem to understand ****
blueball, i agree with you.
And its only logical that a husband and wife should love each other and enter a marriage willingly and not forced into it. And lets be honest here. In pakistani marriages , since this is a pakistani forum, a guy's family looks at the jahez as a big factor (something which is shameful and not even permitted in Islam to beging with - for muslim families in pakistan). Secondly, when a girl gets a rishta and her parents think it is good, she is often persuaded into it, without being allowed to meet the guy and judge herself. And then you get mother-in-laws who decide to think that they've gained a housekeeper and maid in addition to a buhoo. I'm not saying that arranged marriages have 0 percent chance of working. Its just that the way they're conducted in Pakistan is simply humiliating to the girl.
And frankly, I dont intend to be one of those mothers who goes off to examine girls for my son(s). They can choose their own and if I think that my kids aren't mature enough to get married - i'll make sure i mature them up before they get married - that's about the only intervening i'll do. And by that i mean, that if my son doesn't have a job and he wants to go off and get married, i'll get him to educate himself and get a job b4 marrying the girl. That would only be fair to his future wife.
Bluebell...
Where did u get the idea that Hazrat Yusuf fell in love with Zulekha or they were married?
Do u have some proof of all that, or did u just make it up yourself?
I dont understand what people have against falling in love!
I dont see anything wrong with it. If you guys do, tell me, logically, what is wrong with falling in love and marrying the person you love because you love them and you want to be with them and only them and you want to raise a family with them.
I mean, dont you think prophets were humans too? They must have loved their spouses even before marrying them otherwise they would not have married them. Marriages aren't just social institutions, they're a lot more deep and personal and love is the first thing that should be considered in marriage. Granted you should love the person for who they are and their virtues, not their appearance.
I have nothing against love marriages (I think they are cute), what I don't understand is where did Bluebell get the idea that Hazrat Yusuf (AS) fell in love with Zulekha and married her.
As far as I know, Zulekha was married to the person who had purchased Yusuf. She was smitten by Yusuf' (AS) good looks. When Zulekha tried to entice Yusuf (AS) with physical charms he rebuked her and in anger she complained to her husband who put Yusuf (AS) in prison. No where in the historic text did I ever read that Yusuf (AS) loved Zulekha or married her.
If that is your classic example of a love story, may I suggest you find another one. :)
The King of Egypt, Zulakha's husband, was an old man who couldn't perform. So that makes her a virgin, she did fall in love with Yusuf, and after many long years she went into hiding after her husband's death, she feel grief and pain, and one day Yusuf was ridding on his horse seen her, he did not recognizee her, but then she told him who she was and why she is in such a state, and Jibreel told Yusuf what had happen to Zulakha and then he said "from this day on you are my bride". And this is a fact 100%, and if you guys are soo arrogant enough not to believe me well that's too bad, because some of you people are just soo stuck up and don't want to listen to others. I wouldn't have written anything but I just wanted to set you straight, but I wont ever come back to this place again, because its people like you who make me sick.
And do you think I care if you believe me or not?..............................NO
First of all Zuklekha's husband was not the king of Egypt. He bought Yusuf from the group which enslaved him after rescuing him from the well.
And where did you get the last part? Is it from Quran? Or from some other book? What is there for not believing? If its in Quran, how can it not be true?
[This message has been edited by Pristine (edited March 08, 2002).]
About Joseph and Zulaykhá!
There is a debate between Religious scholars about if Zulaykhá actually married Hazrat Yousaf (as) or not.
There is no clear indication in Quran of that bond, though the religious historians seem to quote the following verses to show the change in personality of Zulaykhá or her repentance where she admit to her guilt and thus ‘imply’ that Hazrat Yousaf (as) did actually marry her.
Though saying that Hazrat Yousaf (as) actually fell in love with her will be a stretch.
Blueball come back! Dont worry, we often have verbal tussles here, but that's really nothing. If someone disagrees with you, its okay, just show them your proof to your statement. Who knows? Maybe YOU might be the one to be wrong. In this place, you're free to put up your ideas, with the intelligent understanding that someone might disagree with you. No bigee.