Rishtas

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hey guys, I’m really confused so pardon me if I confuse you guys too.So basically 4 days ago a family came over to check me out and all- the guy wasn’t present but the family had been insisting my mom to bring me to Pakistan so that she could meet me. She finally met me and she seemed to be really friendly. I stayed seated with her for a good 20 minutes and thn my mom sent me upstairs. The auntie apparently asked where I went because she wanted to talk to me some more. Anyhow, it’s been 4 days and they haven’t responded with anything. Should I be worried?I know a bunch of you are going to say I should chill and relax but I already drove a bunch of rishtas away because I had a boyfriend and was pretty sure I’d end up with him but now that all that’s over and I’m ready to listen to my parents I’m just scared I might get rejected.

2

Re: Rishtas

Well i don't know if that's a no from them or they will get back at you, it depends on them because i believe different people have diff way of dealing with rishtas. I have heard of people getting back to the rishta they saw couple of months back or even a year back, so it is quite strange that way. However, if they don't get back to you or the rishta wala and neither ask for time to discuss with their family, it only means that they are not that interested but just might get back to you if they can't find anyone else :( Lol as funny and sad it might sound but it seems to be the reality of some people.

What i know is that if someone really liked you and are sure about making you their bahu/demad, they won't wait for anything but immediately invite you over on the very same day or max the next day!

3

Re: Rishtas

I don't think they're coming back, I think somehow they found out about your bf.

4

Re: Rishtas

Yeah I would agree with that but I've heard from a lot of my friends that they usually wait a week and discuss things with the family before agreeing to saying yes. Honestly I hate the fact that people come to check girls out and thn they don't even respond. I'm much rather hear someone tell me I'm not suitable for their son thn to not hear any response at all. I get that Allah has made a partner for all of us so there's no need to be upset but it helps to know what the other family thinks rather thn keeping the girl in hope for the longest time. Blah. I'm just frustrated.

5

Re: Rishtas

Hha I really doubt they did. Even if they did it doesn't bother me, I just want to know what's going through their mind

6

Re: Rishtas

If this came thru a rishte wala, u can get feedback from them. If they r considering you, you will let the rishte wala know that. But if they are not, they just won't call and its automaticaly taken as a no.

7

Re: Rishtas

How did the potential in-laws know about your boyfriend? And if you're wanting to move on, I'm sure you arent purposely trying to make it a point?

8

Re: Rishtas

Rishta is like a bus , you missed one ? No problem , another one will be coming soon. So don't worry you will get married , Inshallah. Ameen.

9

Re: Rishtas


No no no, they have no idea. If they knew I doubt they'd be persistent about seeing me for the last six months. They wouldn't have come if they knew and I highly doubt they found out in the last 4 days. I just mentioned the boyfriend bit because I didn't want to have to explain why I drove so many rishtas away and why this rishta mattered. My parents love the guy but it's been 4 days, 5 starting tmrw so I'm just worried.

10

Re: Rishtas

I honestly don't know what to say. Watching some friends go through it and goign through it myself, I've realized that some people have no tameez. One of my friend's potential MIL would call her mother for over 4 hours EVERYDAY and things got to the point where they began discussing details of the wedding. Then...the boy's mom disappeared. It's been 3 weeks and no word from themm. We knnow the 3rd party involved and it turns out that it's a no from the boys side (randomly) and they dont want to call the girl back. :/

11

Re: Rishtas

:eek:

Now wonder why people nowadays stress so much on nikkah straight away but i don’t think that logically that is a solution to such issues. Khair, i think its good to not expect anything out of any prospect rishta until you are on the stage signing the nikkah paper :bummer:.

12

Re: Rishtas

Bhai bahi - kadi kadi BusaN di strike v ho jande hai .... Then you have to hire a cab and matey it could be expensive :)

13

Re: Rishtas

I know…after that it makes sense why my parents are like “ghairon mein rishta jab karo, then don’t do a long mangni”. You never know when people back out nowadays, sadly. Like that friend had a hard time getting married so I felt even worse because she started getting her hopes up… :confused:

14

Re: Rishtas

Busan di strike howay tay banda gharoon na niklay.:)

15

Re: Rishtas

HAHAHAHAHA :rotfl:

OP … I would forget about these people…they’re probably not coming back

16

Re: Rishtas

Wow I can't believe you went all the way to Pakistan just to meet the mom! Wow!

17

Re: Rishtas

That’s why i tend to stay from american desi girls for rishta purposes. BF and what not.

:astagfarh:

18

Re: Rishtas

^^^ wow what a major generalization

19

Re: Rishtas

Daftone, why are you getting so worked up over whether or not this aunti approves of you....when you haven't met the son? It's not the aunti that you're going to marry.

As far as the idea of her finding out about your boyfriend....I don't think it's right to go around worrying/scaring people like that. True, it's important to mind your reputation. But...if she lives in another country...(I think you mentioned Pakistan)...she may never find out about that...and most people (guys and girls) have a past.

Things didn't work out with your boyfriend, but that doesn't necessarily mean that a guy strictly of your parents choosing will be the best for you. Nor does it mean that you should hurry the rishta process and get married as soon as possible just because you missed out on other rishtas with your boyfriend. Take your time...consider rishtas carefully. You could meet a guy on your own who also fits your parents critera. Also, it's good to give yourself a time limit for "waiting" to hear back from a rishta....and once that limit (let's say 1 week) passes, you move on with you life. That way you're not waiting for eternity.

20

Re: Rishtas

Daftone, welcome to the RFLC (Rishta-Frustrated Ladies Club).

Its the norm for guy's families to come over tea, have a chit chat with girl and her family and then disappear. I have been through many meetings where the guy's families invited my family over to their place and said they would call back to confirm the appointment in order to make sure that everyone of their children would be home, but never called back. Another of the moms called me bahu 2-3 times and then disappeared. So these things happen in arranged settings and you can't consider anything final until the time of nikah I guess, and the guy's side (or for that matter, girl's side too) can back off any moment. Guys side love to do window shopping because they keep on looking for better prospects and they think if they commit anywhere at once, they would deprive themselves of their chance to look further and thus to get a better girl.

You will need a lot of patience to go through this arranged rishta setting. Guy's families would come, check you out, may even ask you to get to know their son in order to proceed the matter and then can disappear leaving us all guessing what might have happened. Just keep on inviting prospects. The rishta which is meant to happen for you willl proceed ahead towards finalisation and marriage. Of course, pre-screeing is must to invite only the appropriate ones but you need to give equal importance to each prospect since you never know which one proceeds ahead towards finalisation.

Best of luck.