In the last couple of years, I have seen many young close female friends and family wishing to settle down and start a new phase of their life. A happy married life. However, I have also noticed that they are having trouble finding a good rishta/spouse. Their parents have tried through their local communities and by word of mouth through others but somehow they have always been dissappointed at the end of the day. Many issues have risen as a fact of all this. Some suitors are not educated. Others have their mothers speak and decide things on their behalfs. Meaning guy wants something and his mother wants something else. Then also, there is the wealth factor where one is not sure if people are genuinely interested in the girl or there are other hidden agendas involved, i.e wealth and if they are just going for looks/appearance etc.
Why is it becoming difficult for girls to find the simple things that they and their families are looking for ? All the girls I know are only seekng a shareef family, educated guy and a guy who has taqwa and will love and respect his wife.
Then, why is this so difficult in these times ?
p.s. I am only seeking serious and mature responses, so pls dont make any stupid remarks. Thank you…
this problem that shareef, simple girls are facing is due to the fact that there has been an increase in number of non-shareef guys. guys are not looking for a lot more in the girls as in status whether for money or immigration.
diva, i have seen many girls go through the same prob. you say all they are seeking is... but good qualities are hard to come by, no matter what the day and age is.
& its not always the right time for them to get married, there is only one guy out there that Allah (SWT) has intended for them. try and tell your friends to keep patient & make dua to Allah (SWT) to make things easy for them. inshAllah when the time is right, the perfect guy will come along. I strongly believe this.
That's very unfortunate. I've also seen girls rush into a marriage with someone who has status (he's a doctor or becoming one), family reputation, and wealth. In the girl's mind this is the sure recipe for success, but ultimately they've been disappointed. My husband joked with me once that, "Oh you just married me cause i'm a doctor." and I told him, no if he was anything else, a car mechanic I would marry him because Allah made us a match. I was a month from turning 25 when I married and my mother said I was practically 'over the hill.' So I believe that all those girls will meet a guy who is their match too, they're just going through alot of frogs right now.
On the flipside, I have a male cousin, who is 33 now and hasn't had luck finding a suitable girl. He just needs a simple, shareef girl who doesn't have any attitude or nukharay. Well he was practically engaged to one girl. He got her a ring, surprised her with it and was about to propose, when she broke out in a sour face. She started to complain that this is not the style she wanted, that she should pick out her own ring. She was also very adament about where they would live and other future details. He was so depressed after that and the engagement was called off. I know my cousin will make an excellent husband and dad one day. It's not easy for him to open himself up and trust someone like that. I really hope he meets someone soon, his mother is definitely on the hunt and going to Pakistan next week to hunt some more.
Just a general knowledge question as i will not get married for the next 10 odd years, what do families actually look for in getting a spouse?
Those qualities already listed are available in alot of men. If they wanted just that they could easily find a guy. Heck Medic is a perfect example. 23. Full Time Job. Gets paid really well. Has his own place. Own car. Dual nationality with a EU country. Good and well documented family background. Extremely good education background. Religious. Shareef would be an under-statement when describing is character. Caring and understands women unlike most men. I mean isn't this what the ideal husband should be?
But there are other reasons aren't there. If so what are they?
Size does matter. If the woman is 5ft 6in and the guy is like 3ft. No matter how rich the guy is he aint getting married.
Or the girl is like 600lbs and the guy a mere 125lbs. So there are physical elements present as well.
WEll looks matter too. You gonna be naked with the same person for the rest of your life...better make sure you are attracted from teh gitgo. All this love siht developing over time is hogwash..
^ CM, have you had your zen moment yet? Sweetie, you are in love with Madsci. The sooner you propose and move to Canada (it’s legal there), the better.
Actually nothing of the sort. What i am trying to show is that even though women or families state they want a very small amount of things from potential spouses, what they infact want is alot disguised in "moral values".
As for the medic thing, I am:
A. Trying to piss his girl-friend off.
B. I am talking the piss out of him.
C. If it is possible get him laid asap by any guppan willing to do so.
Wait..aren’t you the guy who tries to impress chicks by telling them about scramjets? Leave this kind of stuff to Lussi or Pakora…they ar eprobably more experienced. Might have actually kissed a girl..for real!!
haha matsui yaar, i once impressed an indian girl by btelling her i take bath twice a day and apply deodrant. She was in shock and awe, afterall their guys unwillingly take one only when its raining outside and have no umbrella.
the interesting thing is that while some ppl cant find a mate others from their schools, their social groups and their community find someone and are very happy..
so what is the reason..
person in question is just not looking in the right places
person in question has unrealistic expectations
person in question does not have what it takes to land someone like the one he/she wants
is it one of those things where they dont want the one they can get but the one's they want ..dont want them sorta deal?
You see this also partly because of the whole arranged marriage setup. How is a shareef family defined? People who aren’t involved in grand theft or larceny? And a shareef family doesn’t guarantee shareef kids. An education doesn’t equate an open mind or ethics/values. And whether guy has taqwa, well only God can answer that question, no matter how obvious the answer maybe. As for future respect and love for the wife, hey that is something that should be mutually earned and developed not some sort of warranty upfront. Otherwise only a fortune teller can help you there.
