rishtas in the west

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: rishtas in the west

It was for gals , Nut''a'shah , ya stay out of it , U r a certified Aunty now ! :D

42

Re: rishtas in the west

You are not clever, you are Bee-Jamalo :D

43

Re: rishtas in the west

like nonsense -- it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. Its a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope...and that enables you to laugh at all of lifes realities :p

44

Re: rishtas in the west

and Massi museeb'tay !:)

Umar Sayeed Lawn
45

Re: rishtas in the west

So we should laugh at men? I dont get it but oookay

Anyway, when its Allah's will you'll get married (iA), whether or not you socialize. Btw I believe in lowe marriages :AID:

46

Re: rishtas in the west

Shikra Bhai,

what snake game?
the ladder one behind ludos?

best,
Dushwari

the happy people thread
47

Re: rishtas in the west

exactly i agree, guys should expire too. i know of a really gorgeous girl (mashallah) whose a doctor but shes 29 could pass for 25 looks young but despite being that educated shes having a hard time, if a guy was in here place it’d have been so easy. but guys can be in their late 30s and still get a 20 year old ready to marry them in pak.

Post ur No. of posts per day
48

Re: rishtas in the west

jitna dar saktay thay…dar chukay be-bubble-**gum **se..ab to koi faida nahi…:hoonh: :emmy:

49

Re: rishtas in the west

:sara::AID:

50

Re: rishtas in the west

You got that right brother!

Dushi jee,

No, the one on gupshup.

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/arcade.php?&act=Arcade&do=play&gameid=46

Best,
Shikki

Ab tou aadat si hai humko aisay jeeney meinnnnnnnnnnnnnn

51

Re: rishtas in the west

Mrs. Saieen,
you took Mr. Saieeen in your marriage.

Dushwari

52

Re: rishtas in the west

I think the issue is that many desi guys are simply insecure, some unable to deal with independent minded women, whether its hangups about potential 'past' or inability to deal with modern independent minded desi women.

so a number of foriegn born desi guys import their wives, thus affecting the ratio

same for a number of those who move to the west and settle there.

and its tougher for foriegn born/raised girls to go find spouses in Pakistan because they are then concerned about the guys there being unable to deal with modern indpeendent desi women.

so the ratio of available men to women in the west looking to get married to someone in the west is skewed. desi women in the west get the raw end of the deal..

53

Re: rishtas in the west

so maybe desi women in the west need to stop relying on random rishta's and strike out on their own to meet their mates... lots of non-desi guys meet the qualifications and might be willing to convert! why close your minds to the possibilities? and maybe you'll find the right desi guy who isn't sure where to look for his right desi girl.

my biggest pet peeve in this whole rishta thing is all those educated, qualified, open-minded ladies out there who excel at everything else and yet seem content to sit at home and simply lament the lack of good men around to marry. why depend on rishta's to come to you when you already know what you're looking for and you know that you might not find it through other people? why not take your marriage and your future in hand just like you've done your career and your education? it seems such a big contradiction.

54

Re: rishtas in the west

agreed 100%

and your words should serve as a wakeup call for parents who still insist on doing the rishta thing the 'traditional' way.

and that they should also allow their daughters to be able to meet people, whether in community events or social and community groups, whatever.

it has been puzzling for me that women who are educated, confident, independent etc succumbing to family pressure of expectations and 'how' things should be done.

55

Re: rishtas in the west

this is based on convos i had w/ friends....

the reason that most parents usually go for dudes in pak isn't b/c theres a shortage in their own country, but rather probably teh same reason guys from here have gone back home to find a wife....i guess girls parents' are seeing that guys here are "sleazy" (b/c they had gfs, partied etc) and the ones from back home are more shareef.... if there's a choice between guy A, from pakistan, would have a hard time supporting his family (in the early years) but shareef, and guy B, who may be rich/financially secure but wud supposedly cheat on his wife, drink, etc...then the clear choice is guy A.... the tables are turned, in that even if that girl from pak is a total b*tch, she's probably a better choice for their son b/c she was raised n pak and thus had less chances of being "ruined" unlike if a girl who was here might be a great wife but guys'/families are unwilling to give her chance b/c they c the environment she was raised in....Its not a fair generalization at all, but that's the train of thought here....

56

Re: rishtas in the west

This is the issue I was trying to get at in this thread: http://www.paklinks.com/gs/showthread.php?t=268337

The problem is still the fear of being different and the sense that your reputation will be ruined if you step out of the box. Not just the girl’s but also her family’s. I don’t think the idea is accurate, but the concern is still very real.

57

Re: rishtas in the west

Sahar, i remember that thyread, very well written post.

and as I noted then ..along with all this, there are unrealistic expectations. I have seen that in my friends, in the family.

the sad thing is thatthe same girls who want their husbands to look like some bollywood hero, are ticked off when ppl reject them due to them not being bollywood heroine dopplegangers.

same for the guys..althoughthen some of them hang their degrees and salary as a lure line :) and when all else fails go to Pakistan.

58

Re: rishtas in the west

I just feel like we're at the very beginning of a real problem. I worry that we will end up with a lot of women in our community who are bitter, disenfranchised, and lonely. Worse, I worry that women will begin to think once again that being the docile, clingy, and vapid girl is better than being the independent, intelligent, and educated one.

59

Re: rishtas in the west

I've seen more of the opposite, that the woman be young and slim and light skinned whereas its not as imp what the guy looks like.....

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Re: rishtas in the west

sahar

this is a real problem and we are beginning to see what was noticed in UK 2-3decades ago.

the entire approach is messed up.

you are right, if girls go out on their own to meet someone they are considered well of loose character by some..which is pathetic.

we simply dont have enough opportunities for people to meet, I mean large cities and large unis its still better but smaller towns, u are royally screwed.

and then to this day ppl who have moved here can not seem to get out of their hangups of ppls ethnicity, sindhi, punjabi, or even 'zaat"

keep reducing the available pool at each level with these filters of ethnicity, zaat, and then with profession, this and that and add to it illformed expectations and ..u got a big problem in the making.

I once us ed to mock events like meets at ISNA and all, but I have seen ppl struggling and changed my opinion years ago, that not only is that needed, more of that is needed