Rishta woes

[PyaariAthy]

Re: Rishta woes

awkward is the intoduction to a random guy n his psycho mom who is obsessed wit u...its like uh hi aunty?

[Hinna]

Re: Rishta woes

I have a few more weird experiences. Once I was in a mall and out of the blue this woman came up to me and started talking in broken English, "Phone number, marry my son..."

Another time I was in a hijab shop with my mom trying to find a hijab that would match my outfit for a wedding. This group of women proceeded to follow us around the store and interrupted the conversation my mom and I were having at the time. They proceeded to ask questions about me- what I did? what my name was? if I was married? Once I told them I was married, they became upset and walked away.

[SolarOceans]

Re: Rishta woes

@Sara516

Solar, sorry i didn’t mean to sound judgemental glad u worked everything out..

But my point was that both parents (mostly parents in my opinion) and kids are doing something wrong here.. parents when they do what they did to you (pressure you into marriage at the age of 16) and for creating an environment that makes it hard to speak up or against something.. And the kids, when they’re older, colege age and up who are still too afraid to say no or speak up..

We all know that forced marriages have no place in ISlam AT ALL. But parents don’t listen… they might not physically force you but they pull crap like that..

Yeah they do. And, I know that Islam doesn’t have a place for forced marriages but like you said. . . parents don’t force they kind of manipulate you into agreement. . especially if you’re sixteen. And, I agree it’s ridiculous that kids, when they’re older, still don’t speak up. I spoke up and my parents didn’t like it but I’m with who I wanna be with and he loves me and I don’t see what happened as a bad thing. It was a learning experience. . .and Al-hamdulilah, I’m in a much better place now :). And you know what, they don’t love him but they do like him and who knows, maybe one day they’ll see him beyond the prejudices, stereotypes, for who he really is :).

[SolarOceans]

Re: Rishta woes

@MysticPapaya

wow…quite a tale…

Alhamdolilah that you’re in a much happier place now

YES! Al-Hamdulilah

Thank you.

[SolarOceans]

Re: Rishta woes

Getting back to the topic at hand. When I went to Pakistan about three months before I got married (to my now husband), one of my mom's cousin's came over and she brought her son with her. I didn't think anything unusal but then my little cousin says to me, you know that guy. . . he's here to check you out. And me. . never having experienced this before told her no way that can't possibly be. So long story short, I was sitting right there when my mom's cousin turns to my mom and says we would like her (points to me) to be our daughter. I'm so dumb. I didn't even know what she meant. I blurted. . . why do you want me to be your daughter? And then my little cousin says, NO PAGIL, she wants you to marry her son. And I was like. . . uhm i don't even know her son. . . plus, i'm engaged. All of this happened within like three minutes and after I said that there was this weird awkward silence. My mom, after like a minute, told me to go inside.
That was such an embarrassing moment. Later on, I really felt bad for saying no so bluntly. The weird thing was that after I left the room, she kept talking to my Mom saying that engagement is nothing permanent and that it could be broken cause she really wanted me. Kinda scary.

[SolarOceans]

Re: Rishta woes

@Hinna

I’ve have a few more weird experiences. Once I was in a mall and out of the blue this woman came up to me and started talking in broken English, “Phone number, marry my son…”

Another time I was in a hijab shop with my mom trying to find a hijab that would match my outfit for a wedding. This group of women proceeded to follow us around the store and interrupted the conversation my mom and I were having at the time. They proceeded to ask questions about me- what I did? what my name was? if I was married? Once I told them I was married, they became upset and walked away.

LOL!!! That one had me rolling

[Hinna]

Re: Rishta woes

solar...I was soo taken aback. I was at the mall during my lunch break in highschool and she literally just came up to my face and started talking!!!

[Sara516]

Re: Rishta woes

Lol i can gladly say i've never had to deal with this rishta garbage :D

[MysticPapaya]

Re: Rishta woes

hence your tad bit lack of understanding of our dilemmas...

[Sara516]

Re: Rishta woes

I know sorry.. but my case is almost hte opposite, my mom WON'T look for a rishta for me not coz i'm too young to get married but coz she's absolutely sure ill get rejected coz of the way i look :( so no i can't relate to the weird aunties coming up to u and someone begging for your hand in marriage... but i do hav a good relationship wit my parents, i can talk to them (at least my mom anyway) about anything and i know they wudn't ever pull shiit like that on me..

[MysticPapaya]

Re: Rishta woes

I detect a faint tint of hostility in that last message..in any case..i'll ignore it..

But just being a little practical here....if your mom and you have a fabulous rapport, then how come she won't understand that you DO want her to start looking...regardless of the reservations that she might have..i mean...inshAllah..honi to hai hi sab ki..to phir agar aap raazi aur tayyar hain, to phir dhoondne mein deri kis baat ki?

[Sara516]

Re: Rishta woes

Hostility? naaa… maybe im hostile towards parents who force their kids in to marriage, esp when they’re little.. again, didnt mean to come off rude

She just won’t… she thinks ill get rejected in a second, and SHE couldn’t handle the rejection, coz somehow it’ll reflect badly on her that she didnt raise a “proper” daughter.. so im better off finding a guy on my own coz it takes the pressure off of her

[SolarOceans]

Re: Rishta woes

@Hinna

solar…I was soo taken aback. I was at the mall during my lunch break in highschool and she literally just came up to my face and started talking!!!

LOL. How did you get out of that one?

[SolarOceans]

Re: Rishta woes

@Sara516

I know sorry.. but my case is almost hte opposite, my mom WON’T look for a rishta for me not coz i’m too young to get married but coz she’s absolutely sure ill get rejected coz of the way i look so no i can’t relate to the weird aunties coming up to u and someone begging for your hand in marriage… but i do hav a good relationship wit my parents, i can talk to them (at least my mom anyway) about anything and i know they wudn’t ever pull shiit like that on me..

I didn’t take you as being un-understanding. It’s just that I read so much about how parent’s always do the right thing for their children, I just wanted to put my two cents in that while ideally, that would be the case. In reality it may not always be.

In any case, just out of curiosity, do you want her to look for you? And if so, I think you should tell her because after all, it is kind of their (parental) responsibility. And, if you don’t want them to look for you, then well, finding a guy on your own I think is the best way to go although I’m prolly a lil biased :).

I find it really weird that you said your mom is scared that you’ll get rejected based on the way you look? Did she actually say that to you? And if so, Wow. I don’t have any kids but I can’t ever imagine saying that to my child. I saw your picture in the eye make up thread and I think you’re very pretty and i’m sure your mother’s fear is prolly based on her insecurities rather than yours :).

Or Maybe she just loves you so much, she wants to keep you around for a while

[SolarOceans]

Re: Rishta woes

@AnGeL EyEs

yea i agree there are some parents like that…some dont care about their child’s best interest and others do care but dont realize at the moment that they arent thinking of their child.

Exactly. In their minds, it was perfect. I’m sure they didn’t mean to not think of me first. . . but yeah, they’re human. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s all good

[MysticPapaya]

Re: Rishta woes

Sara516:

In all honesty, I envy your position to be able to know what you're looking for, and also to be able to honestly express that with your mom - who you know will always be on your side iA :-)

Solar Oceans is right, your mom is probably just being affected by alterior motives, ie: personal insecurities and the need to keep her baby girl close to her for as long as possible. I know quite a few other desi moms who are motivated to delay marriage due to the latter...

[Sara516]

Re: Rishta woes

@SolarOceans

I didn’t take you as being un-understanding. It’s just that I read so much about how parent’s always do the right thing for their children, I just wanted to put my two cents in that while ideally, that would be the case. In reality it may not always be.

In any case, just out of curiosity, do you want her to look for you? And if so, I think you should tell her because after all, it is kind of their (parental) responsibility. And, if you don’t want them to look for you, then well, finding a guy on your own I think is the best way to go although I’m prolly a lil biased :).

I find it really weird that you said your mom is scared that you’ll get rejected based on the way you look? Did she actually say that to you? And if so, Wow. I don’t have any kids but I can’t ever imagine saying that to my child. I saw your picture in the eye make up thread and I think you’re very pretty and i’m sure your mother’s fear is prolly based on her insecurities rather than yours :).

Or Maybe she just loves you so much, she wants to keep you around for a while

Haha I would say that was it, that the whole “u will get rejected and i dont want u to get hurt” is just a way of masking her own feelings, and i don’t doubt that, but then she’s also said “first decent guy, ur gone” :p.. but its all at my own insistence so..And yeah finding a guy is the better option for me, becoz i dont think i cud get someone on appearances… i had someone tell me that they first thought I was fat and ugly and had no class but then they got to know me and liked me after htat

[MysticPapaya]

Re: Rishta woes

You shouldn’t put yourself down like that!
Most guys aren’t really all that either.
Joriyaan aasman mein banti hain

[SolarOceans]

Re: Rishta woes

@Sara516

Haha I would say that was it, that the whole “u will get rejected and i dont want u to get hurt” is just a way of masking her own feelings, and i don’t doubt that, but then she’s also said “first decent guy, ur gone” :p.. but its all at my own insistence so..And yeah finding a guy is the better option for me, becoz i dont think i cud get someone on appearances… i had someone tell me that they first thought I was fat and ugly and had no class but then they got to know me and liked me after htat

If you were online, I could talk to you directly. It really bothers me when someone says that about themeselves. Please don’t see yourself that way. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone comes to this world with something to offer. Ummm. . . I want to say all these things to you but they’re going to just sound cliche. Have you ever heard the song “Precious Things” by Tori Amos? In it, she talks about a boy who told her that she was ugly but she thanked him anyway. . . you should listen to it. It’s liberating. Why are you even friends with such a person. . . ???
puzzled

[_Pagli]

Re: Rishta woes

oh another one of those rishta threads

I’ll keep my mouth shutttt…i guess, i’ll find one on my own inshaAllah.