Re: Rishta that sounds a bit weird...!
PO any updates?
Re: Rishta that sounds a bit weird...!
Why are you even letting your parents take the lead any more with all this stuff, given the traumatic experiences you've already had?
Re: Rishta that sounds a bit weird...!
I dunno, they still think its their repsonsibility Sahar, I have no idea why. I am looking actively myself through online means - but this is not always the best way to find someone.
So update:
Apparently the rishta was a dud, the guy used to go to my Uni - but I don't remember him at all, even though I know alot people in his department. Dad said he only liked the one my age but he seemed very "lost" which could mean numerous things - personality problems? not wanting to get married? high??! Dad said they tried to call the older brother who didn't come down even after his dad called him numerous times and also the younger one - who again didn't show, as basically they are like pick any of 4 you want. He said they were quite short and there house took some getting used to. I assume due to lack of cleaning etc.
He thought they were "shareef" but surely anyone would seem it in the first visit, and has invited these people around - I have no idea why. Just so I can see them? what for? why waste their and my time? My Uncle had a huge go at the guy who introduced these people to us, saying how could you even think that was what we were looking for etc to him.
And apparently said Uncle wants to come around and talk to me - regarding this - and maybe trying pursaude me about cousin in Pakistan as he came with us and really liked them all ("Uncle" is just a friend family no relation) I reckon thats what he is going to talk to me about, because he liked them all so much, which is going to put me in a very awkward situation.
So I don't know whether to agree half heartedly for something I fought so much against and something I know I wouldn't be happy in just for the happiness of others. I don't know right now my mind is all over the place. I don't want hurt anyone or lead anyone up the garden path. Being on matiromonial sites I have come across numerous profiles (about 70%) of people who are divorcees/have marriages that are annulled in their late 20s/early 30s - as they often go for the parental choice and then live to regret as their wives/husbands were not compatable, want money, or some really strange and scary reason - well the examples I have come across are the stories of wives I am not sure about the husbands. I only read/communicate with the male profiles. haha. Anyway I fear I will fall into this category. But only time will tell, everything in life is a risk.
Before I was really adament against the fact that - hes not born and brought up here, hes not educated, he has no life skills, its going to be hard to mesh with him. Plus the added factor I don't find him attractive. Hes not ugly, hes just not my type. I think going there made me realise they are infact more facets to them and to their personalities, but again I don't know if this is enough.
I feel alot of lack of direction and a bit lost myself. I know I have a fear of marriage and this sprouts from watching marriages fail growing up. Or at least I think its that. I do understand marriage is half my deen so there is a part of me that wants to do it, but another part of me that fears change and the other factors that go with it. I guess every girl feels this way and I am not alone, but the more I think about the restrictions that have been placed on me (not seeing friends, going out), the pressure that has been put on me (presenting crap rishta's in the hope to sway me) and the verbal onslaught along with the hyping up of "how fantastic this cousin is" is slowly waining me down. Plus the added factor of I can work after marriage this way and have my own life and flat etc
I don't know. I am fighting a losing battle. I think alot people go through this, who were perhaps not for what their parents want and there comes a time where you have to choose. Again there is the added factor if it doesn't work I will get all the blame because of all the "fuss" i created, but I think at that point its if your going to break it off and are genuinely unhappy you do it with everyone. Which is sad and upsetting at the same time.
Who said life was easy?? seriously I want to chase them with a big stick. (sorry for the essay!)
Re: Rishta that sounds a bit weird...!
The question is not about what they want, but about why you're WILLINGLY GIVING THEM CONTROL. You're bringing your troubles upon yourself.
Re: Rishta that sounds a bit weird...!
Sahar, I can't say to my parents "how dare you interfer with finding my rishtaa" as this would have serious reprocusions on our relationship, the only basis this would seem reasonable if I moved out and cut off all contact.
And although the thing with my Cousin was draining - they are still my parents, the fact that they have moved on and looking for rishta's else where. Its just a difficult rope to walk on, its not the best sitaution. I get it. I do understand where you are coming from, but its not feesible without taking drastic actions.