Re: rishta “signs”?
I hate this rishta process it drives me insane. I hate the waiting 
Re: rishta "signs"?
Start dating then :D
Re: rishta "signs"?
My brother is also studying for his PhD (just started). He wants to get married asap, he's not found the right person yet though. In that case, as his family, we think it would be wiser if he married someone who is working and successful so they can work together to build their life. My mum also doesn't want them living in her house as she thinks young couples should have their own space and freedom. If he wants someone who is going to stay at home from day one, we think he should wait until he can support her and the family they might have.
Obviously, at the end of the day, it's up to my brother what he wants and what he's searching for. I'm just mentioning this because we've been introduced to girls who are doctor's, dentist's etc and as his family we don't find this an issue and we wouldn't expect any potential to give that up.
Re: rishta “signs”?
Awww mera baby 
Re: rishta “signs”?
Apni marzi kion nahi ker sakti bahu? She will do whatever she and her husband think best for them and their family. Why interfering on such issues?
On the other hand, poor moms think working bahus are a good source to make the lives of their sons easy and help them to share their burden of supporting the family all alone. But thats why Islam has given such an ooncha maqaam for husbands (ok now this is again debatable here on GS)…
Re: rishta "signs"?
I read most of this thread, and am I the only one who has no idea what the OP is trying to express? soconfused, I got a bit of what you were trying to say, but let me try and summarize:
You got a rishta from a family you like but haven't met the guy.
Your families are pretty compatible in terms of religion/culture stuff.
They want someone of higher education, but not a doctor, and you are planning on attending medical school
The reason they don't want a doctor is because the education takes too long.
You are on the West coast, their family is in New York, and the guy is abroad somewhere.
If all this is correct let me pose some questions to you now soconfused:
The first and most important question is What do YOU want?? I'm assuming you are in college at the moment and are going to be applying for medical school, which over here in the US is normally a four year process. And that is before you get into specialization etc, which is another two to four years, depending on what you do. So you are looking at , at least 6-7 years, and that depends what year of college you're in currently. Most people I know who became doctors have wanted to from a pretty early age and are pretty dedicated to that. Has this been a life long dream of yours to be a doctor? Are you willing to put that on hold or not do it?
Ok, also pretty important, have you seen the guy? Do you know what he looks like or do you not care at all?
Re: rishta "signs"?
Sometimes MILs want a working bahu so that she can support the responsibilities of their sons. If the sons' income is not sufficient, or if they have other responsibilities like they need to contirbute towards their sisters' marriages, MILs look for working bahus. I myself had been getting proposals where the moms asked whether I was working and they would want me to continue working after marriage because dono saath kamain gey tau guzara hoga. Such MILs sometimes put a condition on girl before marriage which is pathetic.
Why would MILs NOT leave the choice of working or not working upto their DILs? DILS should obviously consult and discuss the issue with their fiance/ husband and then decide whatever they both think best for themselves and their future family.
Wow ... that is shocking! ... Do they not know that the woman's money is her own?
Re: rishta “signs”?
You are not the only one … Imagine if he looks like this …
Re: rishta "signs"?
Wow ... that is shocking! ... Do they not know that the woman's money is her own?
They don't seem to be knowing anything like that. But most of the time, the future in-laws put conditions that the bahu will work or the bahu will not work. Why they would NOT leave this decision to the bahu? The wife of course will not be an ENEMY to her husband and/ or children and if there is any situation where the wife is needed to support her family, I don't think any sane woman would not stand up for her family (if she was not working previously or if she did not ever spend her money on her husband/ children).
Re: rishta “signs”?
you seems freaked out, thats all.
hota hai, hota hai.
when i first about getting marrying I was also freaked out to the point that i slapped my best friend. 
she predicted that I will be the first one to get married. but the fact is she is first one in our group to get married.
Re: rishta “signs”?
plz meet the guy first AND let them send a formal proposal before u get so stressed out… once uve seen the guy and have a formal proposal, u need to clarify if ur goals for med school bother them and if ur willing to give up medicine for the guy or wud u rather give up the guy for medicine… u do need to remember that this is not the last rishta u’ll ever get and it’s not like ur never going to get a better rishta than this …so chill a little and g’luck
Re: rishta "signs"?
I read most of this thread, and am I the only one who has no idea what the OP is trying to express? soconfused, I got a bit of what you were trying to say, but let me try and summarize:
You got a rishta from a family you like but haven't met the guy. Your families are pretty compatible in terms of religion/culture stuff. They want someone of higher education, but not a doctor, and you are planning on attending medical school The reason they don't want a doctor is because the education takes too long. You are on the West coast, their family is in New York, and the guy is abroad somewhere.
If all this is correct let me pose some questions to you now soconfused:
The first and most important question is What do YOU want?? I'm assuming you are in college at the moment and are going to be applying for medical school, which over here in the US is normally a four year process. And that is before you get into specialization etc, which is another two to four years, depending on what you do. So you are looking at , at least 6-7 years, and that depends what year of college you're in currently. Most people I know who became doctors have wanted to from a pretty early age and are pretty dedicated to that. Has this been a life long dream of yours to be a doctor? Are you willing to put that on hold or not do it?
Ok, also pretty important, have you seen the guy? Do you know what he looks like or do you not care at all?
Hi, Im' sorry, I guess my thoughts are pretty scrambled and all over the place. I think I'm just confused in general as to wth happened...was that a formal rishta? What is the process from here on out? Are they even interested, etc? They never explicitly said they don't want a doctor, all they kept saying was that they wanted someone that was educated as that was the only demand from their son. I just tend to be one of those people that views the glass as half empty and I've been clingling to that comment about med school being "so long". They said they're fine with the guy moving wherever as there's no gaurantee he's going to get a job in NY. And I explained to them that I have applied everywhere (mostlyoutside the west coast) so I hope I made it clear that staying on the west coast is not one of my "conditions"
I actually have graduated already, just working and applying to medical schools right now. I want to be a dr, whether that happens next year, in 2 years, in 5 years, in 10 year, whatever. I'm fine with marrying as long as there is the understanding that I WILL be a doctor. I know what the guy looks like, but I haven't spoken with him yet. I'm not trying to seem desperate or anything (I'm not desperate to get married) but I AM one of those people that is impatient and needs answers immediately about everything since I tend to plan everything out. So I guess this thread was me...panicking about this random unknown element that has now presented itself into my life.
Thanks for the advice. God bless. :)
Re: rishta "signs"?
if they like u fine .. great .. if they dont .. then they can go to hell .. n besidez u never even interacted or seen the guy yet .. so y do u even care so much rite now .. dunt waste another inute thinkin bout them .. if its mant to happebn it will .. otherwise ull get married somwhere else .. when time is rite for u
Re: rishta "signs"?
My brother is also studying for his PhD (just started). He wants to get married asap, he's not found the right person yet though. In that case, as his family, we think it would be wiser if he married someone who is working and successful so they can work together to build their life. My mum also doesn't want them living in her house as she thinks young couples should have their own space and freedom. If he wants someone who is going to stay at home from day one, we think he should wait until he can support her and the family they might have.
Obviously, at the end of the day, it's up to my brother what he wants and what he's searching for. I'm just mentioning this because we've been introduced to girls who are doctor's, dentist's etc and as his family we don't find this an issue and we wouldn't expect any potential to give that up.
I have seen people doing Ph.Ds and supporting their families at the same time, so I am not sure what is the big deal!
Re: rishta "signs"?
I don't think you should stress over it. To me it sounds as if the guy himself is not interested in a girl has completed her education process (initial) be it BS, MBA, Law, Medicine, etc.
Re: rishta "signs"?
Ok since you are already a graduate and working, this might be what the guys' side is looking for. They may or may not like the idea of you going to med school, its a long process and they might think that you will not be able to be fully available to meet your family responsibilities.
You seem to be good to them with your current qualification. Just one meeting means nothing and this does not mean they are interested in you or not. They just came for the first time to see you. They need to formally propose to you. If and when they formally proposes to you, you need to clarify to them about your future plans and if they agree to your plans, only then the matter will proceed.
So just wait for them to contact you. Or if they had been in contact through the third party, your parents can ask the third party to know their response and whether they would like to proceed or not.
Re: rishta "signs"?
Ok since you are already a graduate and working, this might be what the guys' side is looking for. They may or may not like the idea of you going to med school, its a long process and they might think that you will not be able to be fully available to meet your family responsibilities.
You seem to be good to them with your current qualification. Just one meeting means nothing and this does not mean they are interested in you or not. They just came for the first time to see you. They need to formally propose to you. If and when they formally proposes to you, you need to clarify to them about your future plans and if they agree to your plans, only then the matter will proceed.
So just wait for them to contact you. Or if they had been in contact through the third party, your parents can ask the third party to know their response and whether they would like to proceed or not.
Thank you for your advice, you're making me feel better since I actually know wth is going on now. Yeah, I think I fit their "qualifications" now especially because they are trying to marry within their caste and it's been hard to find a girl that fits all their other criteria + belongs in the caste + is sunni. I think the situation is just super weird and even more confusing for me, because it's the first time that the guy's mom came over but my family has been in contact with the third party-relative since January with a huge 2 month lull in the middle that culminated into this meeting. We'll see...
:)
Re: rishta "signs"?
I don't think you should stress over it. To me it sounds as if the guy himself is not interested in a girl has completed her education process (initial) be it BS, MBA, Law, Medicine, etc.
?? explain, pls.
Re: rishta "signs"?
...............
Re: rishta "signs"?
soconfused i hope this gives you some comfort.
i proposed and got engaged to my wife even before she started going to med school. i got married to her while she is med school. and cherry on the top i live abroad, life too is beautiful. lol.