so this friend of mine needs some advice… his mamma found a rishta for him. what a loser. he feels really ashamed of the entire situation. i mean common cant he find someone on his own. so what are some of the things he can talk about over chai with a girl… infront of her parents.
he is experienced in general flirting, line marring, tarring without getting caught and other qualities most paki men possess. but this is a whole new ball game and he has no experience. i think he is also feeling very nervous. shi*tting in pants is more like it. he is afraid if he asks the girl for her email address her dads going to pop open his head with a baseball bat.
any married gals and guys who have been through the process? also any must NOT do? thanks,
Tell your friend to be just himself. Thats all. If the family is a bit (just a little bit) open, they will allow the boy and girl like two minutes to talk to each other in private, thats when he should exchange the email address (it is a bit too soon to be exchanging email addresse). I would wait till the second round of talks open up between the two parties, that would be more appropriate to exchange email addresses.
For now have him talk about music, interests, and general gupshup to dertermine what makes her laugh (sweet spots). DONOT discuss politics or religion (very bad subjects on the first chai marri).
Good luck
i would suggest that he should wash his pants first… and then… maybe he can ask her dad if he can take her for a ride … then come back and join the tea party
array yaar aisay keh rahay ho jaisay job interview kay liye ja raha hai.. and no he is not a loser .. i wish all the best.. just tell him to be himself and inshaAllah, all will be awesome :)
hahaha. Funny situations.
Who the hell takes calls in someones frontroom when he has gone over for a rishta meeting. I could write a book on the 'don'ts' I swear.
I don;t know what kind of people the girls side are, whether they will appreciate or dislike the fact that he attempted to talk directly to the girl. You could definitely say salaam to the girl when she comes in. I appreciated that from this fellow once but blew it anyway, bad decision. So anyway just stay normal and talk like you would with anyone else and see if the girl participates. If she does then start directing his conversation towards her too. If ur friend has an acceptable sense of humour tell him to use it. Keep everyone in the room involved in the conversation though, don't behave like no one else exists...leave that for later. I would find it cool if he dominated the scene.
One thing a suitor must never do is go ga ga over the girl’s bhabi, so much so ke by the time you leave their house the two of you (bhabi and you) are sneaking glances and smiling at each other
Your friend chewing-gum man, let’s call him that for symmetry, is not ready for marriage. Chewing-gum man needs to mature a bit before delving into the serious binnis called marriage and rishtas.
As regards email and baseball bats, he is projecting his own fears and immaturity. Getting emails and phone numbers in a rishta situations are very easy and they should be last of his concerns. For starters, he doesn’t have to ask for it, his sister/aunt/mama/cousin could. Comprende? Point is he is not ready and is worried/concerned about all the wrong things.
AN arranged rishta isn’t pathetic or make someone a loser… tell ur friend grow the hell up and stop acting like the typical desi player type guy, maybe somehow he can get a decent girl..
Abay lollypop sahab.. in old times guys parent’s used to find a girl for thier son.. so where is the loser part.. many guys are very good and respect their parents aur kahtay hay “jo ap ko pasand ho mujay bee pasand hoga”
aur now for the tea party part.. tell that man jaysay dosray larkio say flirt kartay ho aysa hee in sahiba kay sath bee flirt karo
nahi seriously talk about each other’s interest, fav music, book , best place to visit
P.S i doubt that the guy is lollypop sahab himself
Don't know if its actually true but I heard one story where the guy started getting a hard on when meeting his rishtah. She was supposedly a real hottie. Good thing he had his legs crossed. Just make sure your buddy focuses on talking and doesn't start day dreaming of having sex with her, like most paki guys.
I find the rista over chai setup a demeaning cattle show and refused to be the audience at a great dismay of my parents. Others might be insightful to accept or reject a girl they are suppose to spend the rest of their life in a glance or a quick chat but I sure can't figure anyone out this easy.
Ahmadji tell me of a better way keeping our culture in mind. I was against it as well until my mother convinced me.
First of all it is not just to check out the girl, you go to their house to see the set up, sit and chat with the family. I have been to places where the girl never came out, instead my mother and sisters went to the other room to see the girl. Also please note that the man is being judged by the girl and her family in that small chat over a cup of tea.
Ashtray bhaijaan, every situation is different. In our culture we marry off cousins who grew up together and also marry off complete strangers from two different countries over the phone.
Anyway, if the two families do not know each other well, the mother/sister from each side should visit the other and stay with them for a couple of days to get the informal values of the family. These tea and dinner parties only brings up the formalities. If they still see some compatibility then the couple should be allowed to meet a few times with a patron, be it elder siblings or cousins or even parents, so they can have a conversation. Email exchange isn't a bad idea. Only then something serious should be put forward. What I don't like is when the starting point of such ristas is a phone call among mothers and then the tea parade.
What I usually end up arguing with my elders is that times have changed and our generation lacks the stubbornness a marriage needs and thus a quick glance & a lowdown on qualities from a third person doesn't cut it anymore.
… then come back and join the tea party 
