Bebo,
I know of rishta cases where the guy is honest and upfront about his drinking from the get-go when the rishtas are introduced. In this case........the information was HIDDEN **from you not only by the guy but his **PARENTS as well. His mom (aunti) might be a nice/sweet/friendly lady as you say she is.......BUT.......she **STILL **hid information from you. And that's not a very friendly thing to do. This aunti needs to put herself in **YOUR **parent's shoes. Does this aunti have a daughter of her own? Would this aunti like it if some guy's family hid their son's bad habits from her? What if your own sister had some serious bad habits? How would the aunti feel if your parents had hidden this info from her???
I'm not trying to turn you against this aunti. The poor woman probably thought that if she went around telling conservative families the truth about her son.........that they won't be interested in the rishta. If a parent want to take a gamble on their OWN **child's life.........that's one thing. BUT a parent shouldn't be making a gamble on **SOMEONE ELSE'S child. Gambles don't come with guarantees.
Also, you said that this aunti said she** "sees a glimmer of hope that her son will change if he marries your sister." **If she is seeing "hope"...........then that means this guy **STILL **drinks. Because if he had STOPPED drinking a long time ago...................then his mom would have no reason to pin her hopes on marriage changing her son......because he would have already been a changed man. Know what I mean?
Keep in mind, also, that most people like to make good impressions when meeting others. The last thing that anyone.......especially a DESI family......would want is for people to tell the community bad things about them. Let's say your previous boss fired you........and gave you a negative evaluation...............you don't bring these things up when interviewing a new job. You always give the impression that you are good for the job and there are no skeletons in your closet. But the new employer will STILL do a background check on you before deciding to hire you. And when you're hired.......nobody but YOU......can help change yourself for the better.
I'm not saying that this guy won't change or can't change........but I agree with the others that it's a difficult task to accomplish.............and it's one that HE needs to do on his own. This guy has no shortage of loved ones in his life such as parents/siblings whom he could have changed himself for. To hope that he'll change for a girl who is a complete stranger for him is quite a risk. Once again............not saying that it can't happen. Because I've heard stories where even the most dysfunctional guys have been changed for the better after marriage.
You should try talking to your sister again. If you need to print out articles about alcoholism and it's affects on family/loved ones...........then do so. Try to reason with her and explain to her the possible consequences of what she's getting herself into. And then let her talk to the guy...............let her get to know him................and see how she feels about him. Perhaps........in the process........she might find that she's not as attracted to him as she thought. Ask her WHY she's soooooooooo intent on marrying THIS particular guy. Is it because she's already developed feelings for him? Is it because she's 25 and feels that if she waits any longer........she may not find another more suitable match? If this is her fear.........try to reason with her and explain to her that 25 is not old. FIND OUT HER REASONS FOR BEING INTENT ON HIM.
Give her the chance to get to know him. And I also think that YOU should talk to/interview that guy as well. Have a list of questios that you want to ask him. And after YOU and YOUR sister have had the opportunity to speak with him.....................if your sister STILL wants to marry him.......................please get your parents involved and TELL them everything.
Your parents are the ones who will be PAYING for this wedding and they have the right to know what they're getting into. Also, your parents are responsible for their daughter and it would HURT them if you betray their trust like this. If YOU were in their situation......you'd want to know what your own kids are getting into.