Re: Rishta Issue
but in a arranged rishta i do expect some decensy.. Or am i totally crazy?
Even in a love marriage, you should expect "decency." If someone is not even going to give you the bare minimum, why have higher expectations of them. You've waited long enough.....move on.
Re: Rishta Issue
And just to clear any confusions: i do not expect daily calls from him and nor was i daily in touch wid him via text or smth...
I am not clingy and i have a set of brains n i know these matters are in rishta's...
Re: Rishta Issue
But that is what i m sayin na....maybe the things she is telling us here, she probably told him the same which made him back off from her cuz no sane guy would take such behavior. I dnt want to be harsh bt this is ridiculous to complain abt the guy being in touch with his family dialy or for him wantin 2 visit him once every year.
LOL, you got to be kidding me when you say no sane guy would take such behaviour! OP is actually right imo. If someone initiates a proposal, then they should not let the girl or her family hanging. That is just disrespectful. It's his behaviour that's problematic. When will people understand that if you CANNOT GIVE CLEAR ANSWERS, then why the heck are you even getting married. You are still a freakin kid and immature.
Re: Rishta Issue
What i meant by red flags were things which also are annoying next to how hes treating us. Things which were fine at first but now its too much all together
Re: Rishta Issue
^^ You said it HQ :k:
The daily calls and visiting family every year are ok, but coupled with this guy’s indecision and refusal to communicate with OP it creates a picture of a guy who is over-dependent on his family. If he’s in the rishta process he needs to be able to make these big decisions and stick to them on his own.
Re: Rishta Issue
Funky,
I don't think the calling or visiting would have bothered you much had he been decent about this whole situation.
The issue is that he isn't really being very forthcoming about what he wants...which is why other things are also beginning to count against him. Its only natural.
My advice is to say g'bye without anymore communication from your side. No more phone calls, emails, texts or anything. Dead silence.
If he is interested, let him do the work. Its his turn. He knows where to find you if he really wants to give this a shot.
Always remember...if a man wants to be with you. He WILL be with you. Nothing can stop him...not even his mother.
Re: Rishta Issue
if the guy was not serious, his family would not be calling
if his mother had no interest in trying, she would not have called a couple of times
I can't comment on the rest of the 'flags'
but regardless, if you have lost respect for him, walk away, mutual respect is a key to any relationship.
Re: Rishta Issue
if the guy was not serious, his family would not be calling if his mother had no interest in trying, she would not have called a couple of times
I can't comment on the rest of the 'flags'
but regardless, if you have lost respect for him, walk away, mutual respect is a key to any relationship.
Spot on.
Phew, i wanted to say this but fear of feminazis stopped me.
Re: Rishta Issue
if the guy was not serious, his family would not be calling if his mother had no interest in trying, she would not have called a couple of times
I can't comment on the rest of the 'flags'
but regardless, if you have lost respect for him, walk away, mutual respect is a key to any relationship.
^^this IMO would be the most sensible reply you got thusfar
why on god's green earth would the guys family be contacting u at all if they were not serious?
why if she really did not want anything to do with you would his mother be calling even once?
if there are other things that cause you bto be hesitant its a separate matter but you cannot say "they" are not serious
though as @X2 said if you have lost respect for him and his...then there is no saving this and its best to move on...cuz there is no relationship without respect
Re: Rishta Issue
One key question-
He did not call you in the week that he has been back..
Did you call him?
Re: Rishta Issue
Icono- purses say meri public pitai Honay wali hay
Re: Rishta Issue
I do not expect a mil to b great but in a arranged rishta i do expect some decensy.. Or am i totally crazy?
Well i don't see why the mil should be indecent to you even if it was not arranged. If she has any issues with the rishta she should def share them with her son but showing disrespect to the girl is definately not the way to go about it.
Anways, you said you didn't discuss/complain about the "redflags" with the guy but maybe he got a feeling out of you when you perhaps didn't show enthusiasm for what he said? U know what i mean. Khair, now that you know all that about him and his behavior towards you is not right either so you might as well not waste any more time on this rishta.
LOL, you got to be kidding me when you say no sane guy would take such behaviour! OP is actually right imo. If someone initiates a proposal, then they should not let the girl or her family hanging. That is just disrespectful. It's his behaviour that's problematic. When will people understand that if you CANNOT GIVE CLEAR ANSWERS, then why the heck are you even getting married. You are still a freakin kid and immature.
I never said he should keep the girl & her family waiting! All i said was that maybe OP showed her discomfort at his closeness with his family hence he has decided to react this way. And if this really was the case like i am assuming, he still should have been wise enough to pick the phone and let the girl know about it and end the story.
Re: Rishta Issue
I COMPLETELY agree with this. I’m sure a couple of posters here know but I went through something similar a few months ago and it was REALLY hard to get over mostly because I’m the type of person that needs answers and closure. A family basically was completely pursuing me (going so far as to keeping tabs on me for the past 1-2 years). They came over even though my family was unsure initially, promised us all these things about my education and my future and then when it came time for US to do our research (they had already asked everyone in the community about me and my family) the vanished. POOF. It’s been 4 months and we have heard NOTHING from them. They used to call /email all the time, to the point where I was getting creeped out by it. Even now, even though it’s a no from all of us, there’s a small part of me that wonders if they’ll come back at the end of this year (when he hears back from schools and i hear back about school) and act like nothing ever happened.
LEAVE. while you still can. I know it hurts, but be happy it ended now. Besides that fact that its really batameez of them , think about this…a) the guy may be too dependent on his family…I’m all for a family oriented guy but I need someone that’ll have my back and support me, not run to his mommy. b) leaving ppl hanging is a pet peeve of mine. My family doesn’t do that. If we can’t go somewhere, we cancel and tell them. If we fight, we yell and scream and then start talking to each other 10 mins later. If THIS is how this family handles conflict/problems (by disappearing/ignoring), married life is gonna suck.
refusal to communicate is a HUGE red flag. You guys would be spouses. Communicatoin is vital.
Re: Rishta Issue
Icono- purses say meri public pitai Honay wali hay
Don't worry, meiN hooN na (marham patti key liye)
Re: Rishta Issue
This story sounds a little familiar. A friend of mine went through same situation, he was introduced to a girl through one of his relatives. They both talked, got to know each other. The guy was ok with this, but his mother had some concerns. Anyhow, as guy wanted to go for it, so engagement took place. Now i dont know if they are happy or not, but my friend sometimes seems to be worried for nothing.
Anyhow, for your problem. I would definitely advise you that "DONT GO FOR IT".
If the guy's family is in thinking process for last few months without any obvious update of situation then you should sense the potential problems of this relationship.
You two don't love each other, so its not worth waiting for months and keep on going through feeling of worthlessness.
I wrote what i feel, may be i am wrong but based on what you wrote i dont think it could be a healthy relationship.
One more thing... sorry but you sound much selfish to me if talking to parents daily and visiting them each year are red flags for you. Perhaps you said something during your "introductory meetings" which sounded red flags to him... Peace
Re: Rishta Issue
Funky,
I don't think the calling or visiting would have bothered you much had he been decent about this whole situation.
The issue is that he isn't really being very forthcoming about what he wants...which is why other things are also beginning to count against him. Its only natural.
My advice is to say g'bye without anymore communication from your side. No more phone calls, emails, texts or anything. Dead silence.
If he is interested, let him do the work. Its his turn. He knows where to find you if he really wants to give this a shot.
Always remember...if a man wants to be with you. He WILL be with you. Nothing can stop him...not even his mother.
ur right thats what i was trying to say it all sums up...
[QUOTE]
X2 Re: Rishta Issue
if the guy was not serious, his family would not be calling
if his mother had no interest in trying, she would not have called a couple of times
I can't comment on the rest of the 'flags'
but regardless, if you have lost respect for him, walk away, mutual respect is a key to any relationship.
[/QUOTE]
this is absolutely true. I did not say he or his family are not serious. He was deadserious 4 months long and all of a sudden he visits his family and i havent heard from him. His parents did call like i said, but that was as a respons on my dads action. My dad contacted the workfrien/relative asking whats going on...
His mother spoke to my family twice, first time was in the second week their son was with them (which is 4 months since the start)... the convo was abt nothing and lasted 2 minutes and also nobody asked how i was or wanted to talk to me...i found that a bit weird.. but mayb i was expecting too much i thought...
Then now his mum called coz of my dad and all of a sudden she wants to talk to me and i already told you what kind of convo that was... ofcourse theyre serious, but she is not happy and her son is waiting for her approval now i think b4 contacting me...
[QUOTE]
X2 Re: Rishta Issue
One key question-
He did not call you in the week that he has been back..
Did you call him?
[/QUOTE]
nope and i didnt also.. its been more than a week now..
Re: Rishta Issue
And the thing with his closeness to his family is absolutely normal, but i can swear any man would not want his wife on call with her parents all the time... it has nothign todo with being selfish..
he is interested in this rishta, but we are definitely not in love... if he wanted it that bad he would have said something to me just for the peace! Now its liek im waiting waiting and he doesnt give a damn...
@ZareenKhan: im 100% sure i didnt give him a vibe of not approving whatever he was doing...
Re: Rishta Issue
i would like some guys opinions on this please.... please do read all my post so u know the entire situation...
Re: Rishta Issue
guys’ opinions get overshadowed by the ‘red flag’ broken records 
so…keeping it short…since you don’t like him anymore…move on.
goodluck finding a greenflag guy :k:
Re: Rishta Issue
i appreciate all ur opinions..
the reason y i was unsure is that its not easy to find a good match and also my parents have high hopes... and thats y i wanted to know if i am being too impatient?