I have been dealing with a proposal for the last few months..
The guy seemed good. he has a good carreere and his manners seem nice aswell. Communication between us is also getting better…
Now there are a few things which have made me disappointed, unsure and angry…
he went to visit his family for a few weeks out of country… he did not contact me in any way. i accepted this as we’re not really that close… He went there to talk to his parents. His parents finally called in the second week telling us that they will call bac in 2-3 days. I have never spoken to his parents and neither did they ask abt me in this phonecall.. They never called again.
he has been bac now for exactly 1 week and he has not contacted me so far (which is about5-6 weeks total). So now his mom called up an wanted to talk to me. She did not sound happy and also did not know what to say to me. I kept the conversation going… she asked me a few questions abt work and abt PK visits how regular these are… Then agn she talked to my mom and told her theyll call bac to talk to my dad.
To me it seems like he has been leading us on for all these months and looks like his mother does not agree at all… I dont have any respect for him at this moment coz he doesnt seem man enough to make his own decision which he pretented to do all this time. (There also few other things which i initially ignored).
I want to say no even if they say yes…
he never talked about his mother
i sent pictures and he didnt tell me what his mother said about them
he never sent me his family's pictures which i asked for
he never answered when i invited him for a party (he had some document issues i knew that, but still he just ignored me)
To me it seems like he has been leading us on for all these months and looks like his mother does not agree at all... I dont have any respect for him at this moment coz he doesnt seem man enough to make his own decision which he pretented to do all this time. (There also few other things which i initially ignored).
I want to say no even if they say yes...
am i overreacting?
Funky: run away.
you are not overreacting. if i were you, i never proceed in that kind of rishta.
He owes you an answer. His mom is not happy with this rishta. Fine. But you don't deserve to be left hanging like this.
The fact that he seems to be hiding for now and letting his mom do the talking is a major red flag.
Decent's question makes sense.
Once someone has lost respect its easy to close doors on them. Move on. The larka, the family all sound confused and unstable. I guess they themselves are not sure how to take up the things. And this is the beginning only. Easy to pull away now than later.
I feel very much hurt. How can people be so insensitive....
We were introduced by my dads workfriend... so my dad and this workfriend were in touch and the guy finally came to our place at some point..
its been months we were talking and also seen few times...
at this moment i dont want to proceed anymore,...
the thing is my parents were still hopefull since this mother of his wanted to talk to me which is the first time... i mean it seems like his mother is not planning on saying no (i guess) coz she talked to me?
anyway they still havent called bac yet....
And indeed i do want an answer for this from him...
am i impatient??
other red flags:
-he's allways calling bac home, almost daily...
-he's a daddy's boy
-and apperntly he cant keep his mother unhappy... which i trully find really selfish is that he was thinking all this time 'mum will come around'...but his mum knew she doesnt want this. and yet she let him play with us!
-he want to visit pk every year...
a lot of these things i was willing to accept if they dont affect me... but i wouldnt agree on the yearly visits.. (no offence, but i also want to travel to diff places)
So he doesnt call you every day and that is a problem but if he calls his family daily that is a red flag? Ooook!
I don’t blame the guy or his mother to be having issues with this match. Sorry but you are being very unrealistic here and maybe you gave out same vibes to them hence their reaction.
other red flags:
-he's allways calling bac home, almost daily...
-he's a daddy's boy
-and apperntly he cant keep his mother unhappy... which i trully find really selfish is that he was thinking all this time 'mum will come around'...but his mum knew she doesnt want this. and yet she let him play with us!
-he want to visit pk every year...
a lot of these things i was willing to accept if they dont affect me... but i wouldnt agree on the yearly visits.. (no offence, but i also want to travel to diff places)
^the above are not red flags. He just seems to be close to his family (parents.) My husband is REALLY close to his family and misses them a lot...so naturally he wants to visit them every year. They dont talk everyday, but thats bcuz of our busy schlds. My mom talks to each of my three brother...everyday...sometimes more thn once. These shldn't be red flags at all.
But the fact that he isn't calling you often (and hasn't for weeks,) is a big red flag.
Since this whole thing started with you dads co-worker, maybe ask them to look into it.
Run, not walk, away from this rishta. Why would you wait for something that may not happen? Better to cut your losses now and find a guy that appreciates you and your family.
The mum thing isnt really an issue, no one should expect anything from DILs and MILs in my opinion. He's the issue, if he doesnt have to balls to say to his mum 'I like her, I want to marry her' then he is the issue. Allow him, tell him to jog on.
dont u think that is kinda messed up…i mean he hasnt been in touch with her for over 6 weeks, i guess whats why she said he calls his house daily but doesnt have time to call me in 6 weeks
dont u think that is kinda messed up...i mean he hasnt been in touch with her for over 6 weeks, i guess whats why she said he calls his house daily but doesnt have time to call me in 6 weeks
But that is what i m sayin na....maybe the things she is telling us here, she probably told him the same which made him back off from her cuz no sane guy would take such behavior. I dnt want to be harsh bt this is ridiculous to complain abt the guy being in touch with his family dialy or for him wantin 2 visit him once every year.
Based on your post (to me) it just seems more like a one-sided affair....where you're making more of an effort in keeping in touch than he (and his family are)....and you're not much of a priority. Raise your standards and don't settle for someone who is not reciprocating. You've spent way too much time on him and actions speak louder than words. Move on. It will be uncomfortable at first...but keep yourself occupied and with time you will get past this.
